To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

@EatYourDamnPie yes, but I don’t seem the harm in asking where a person is from. Why is it so taboo? Surely being interested in other regions, countries and nationalities is progressive rather than othering. I would say the people asking these type of questions are just interested and not judgemental. Obviously, you can usually tell by tone if someone has good intentions. I try and be mindful that others don’t see it this way. Coming from a experienced disabled point of view, I know questions around disability can often be intrusive and unkind but I simply don’t think it’s comparable to talking about someone’s home country.
Having said that, I’m talking about accents, I wouldn’t ask anyone with an British accent where they are from or really from!

At least you agree it’s weird!!

Perhaps we should take a tip from Gen Z and not speak to each other then. Ridiculous! Most people are just being curious/interested in you and/or making small talk. Just ignore them and walk away if being friendly is not your thing.

I lived in the US for a while and it was really boring having my accent mimicked in a very bad way🙄 then questions about the Queen etc but I accepted it and whenever possible changed the subject and asked them questions. Let’s face it, people usually like talking about themselves.

God these posts make me so paranoid. I would always ask someone with another accent where they are from. Even another regional accent. Not based on their skin colour. I don’t assume non white peopke aren’t from here or anything. I’m solely working off an accent.

It wouldn’t occur to me that it is rude at all. Sure they clearly are from somewhere else and if I have visited there or I know something about the country we can talk about that.

It’s not racist it’s a cultural thing. I didn’t get it as first but being Polish we are quite direct so didn’t mind. Now I understand British small talk and the curiosity in other cultures. Assuming people are racist because they are different culturally and have different ways of making connections is in a way, racist yourself.

I’m quite jaded for various reasons, including the fact that people i consider friends or coworkers have come up with some absolute corkers at some point or another and actually receiving abuse from randoms. Then there’s the “banter”. Then there’s the attitude change I mentioned before because I’m from a “bad” country rather than South Africa, New Zealand or whatever other country they assumed I’m from. So a question that starts as friendly/interested changes to awkward at best.

I could give so , so many examples in various settings, which is why it becomes exhausting and sometimes intimidating or insulting.

Interesting we live in rural wales and we are rarely asked this question. I wonder why it happens so regularly with you

How do you speak to people that aren’t from some place else? Do that!! It’s like there aren’t any other options. I manage to do it and English is my second language!

@EatYourDamnPie That sounds bloody awful. I’m sorry people are so stupid. I think I am talking about something much more light hearted and hopefully more sensitive. Until you’re the one experiencing something, others, like me, simply can’t judge. All I can liken it too, is the experience with disability, where you have to smile and ‘be positive’ to intrusive questions, or think of a witty come back, which is just horrible. I am will learn from your post and not add to the burden with, what I consider to be, sensible questions. I am truly sorry you have to deal with abuse. Thank you for taking the time to explain how you feel. Best wishes

It's a compliment and shows welcome. Just answer with one word, then ask them where they are from. You are assuming they have not changed location, even within the UK. They will probably love talking about themselves.

@DagdaJust pick a different conversation thread, they will probably tell you where they're from eventually.

The perks of looking (or being ..) youthful!

Yeah I could have written this. The added ‘awesome’ I have is that as a Canadian I sound American. So that confusion (serious ignorance) has to be dealt with first and then the politics come up. There are times it is exhausting and unless you have experienced it you can’t say YABU. Not sure how this changes…..

Yeah - that’s ordinary chat. People ask me where I am from meaning which city. And I have an unusual name and I have been fielding the question of where that comes from since I was four.

It’s showing a polite interest in your personhood and the idea is that you do it back, in some way shape or form.

People are probably pleased at having something else to talk about other than the weather and if you’ve got everything in for Christmas. They don’t necessarily realise that you have had the conversation many many times. I can definitely understand how annoying it would be though.

At least they aren’t mocking your accent, which is what used to happen to me any time I stayed in England, which was a fairly frequent occurrence for about a decade. I’m from Belfast and people would ask me to say things so that they could laugh at my pronunciation or they would repeat a word or sentence in my accent and think it was hilarious. Talking to someone from NI doesn’t seem to spark the same polite, if irritating, interest as talking to someone whose accent suggests they’re from further afield.

Yes but “banter” about somebodies country or attitude because they think it is “bad” is very different to just asking someone where they are from because they have an accent,

I don’t sound like I’m from where I live. I’m from a different region but my accent doesn’t fit with that either. So I often quizzed about where my accent comes from.

I am English going back generations mainly from London and was constantly asked where I was from by my London colleagues. I am told I don’t look English though and was referred to as the Italian girl in one workplace for years. I still don’t under understand why. I got bored correcting them. This is in highly multi-cultural work places where I was often the only English person on some teams. I am still not sure how to take people telling me I don’t look English.

Oh , you sweet summer child.

I’m British but have a long foreign surname and always get asked about it/comments on its “complexity”. It’s tedious but just part of life. I also have a common English first name that is spelt an alternative way. That is also very tedious to deal with but you do get used to it.

You could practice steering the conversation into new territory. Answer their question then ask them a question to take the conversation in a different direction.

Well, yes....and sounds like the OP has answered in a nice and well meaning way for a super long time and now has reached a point where the repeated question is driving them a bit nuts. So in that case, some people would just have a little fun. Like a guy I lived with at uni was missing a nipple. Still no idea why. The answer changed every time he was asked, and the responses were usually comic but also sort of reminded the person that it was none of their business...gently. If you have the knack of responding in a friendly, yet boundaried way it can gently remind people you don't owe them an answer really. It's none of their business, well meant question or not, where a total stranger is from. Used to be that prying/being nosey was considered rude. From this thread it would seem the opposite is truer these days, someone asks a question and you owe them a polite, honest, potentially detailed answer. The OP owes them nothing. Tone will count for a lot absolutely. Doesn't have to be rude.

I used to be asked that question a lot :)) and then people play a guessing game, but always fail lol I don't mind it at all
..but I just sometimes don't know how to answer that question...I have lived in uk since 2006, more years than I have lived in my home country. I was born in Estonia but during the USSR time, nationality wise I'm not Estonian, i'm Russian, but I don't have a Russian passport and never lived in actual Russia....so who am I? Lol

Sometimes I reply “no idea, I’m adopted”(which is true).

brilliant!