To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

That is so weird! I have never asked someone that. I am in the suburbs but loads of people from different countries, cultures and religions here. No difference that I have seen - we’re all just people.

I don’t blame you OP

I’m in London. In a social situation I might ask where someone’s accent is from, as I’m interested. I wouldn’t ask someone in a bus queue or shop, it’s not exactly a novelty to be a foreigner in London. I’ve never had anyone be offended in a social situation, they either want to talk enthusiastically about their country, or cut it short with ‘I’m from X but been in London for 20 years.’ And so the conversation moves on.

It’s rude now to ask what people’s jobs are, and apparently their accent. I don’t want to stand at a social event talking about the weather and hoping someone will volunteer some interesting info. My name isn’t English (one parent isn’t from UK), it’s not obvious unless people see it written down, but I get asked about my heritage a fair bit by those who become aware of it. I couldn’t care less, it’s nice they are interested.

I’ve lived in other countries, one where I looked different, one where people only knew I was an immigrant when I spoke, and I’m now married to a white American who lives in the UK.

I think people showing a polite curiosity in a foreign accent is both inevitable and fine. In social situations, it can be a nice ice-breaker and lead to other conversations, and in casual interactions it’s no more tedious, boring or lengthy than the weather.

In either case, if you don’t want the conversation to progress into ‘oh, I’ve always loved/never been to/why on earth did you leave’ territory, just move the conversation along by asking a question back - most people like talking about themselves.

Or just shut the conversation down quickly by ‘excuse me, I need the loo/another drink/can see my boss signalling/just need to concentrate on packing my shopping’ or whatever.

This. Plus, if it’s some kind of social situation where we’re there for longer/ I’ll see them again, it will come up at some point anyway ,but in a natural way.

Is that what you do when you meet strangers?!

Peopke just need to lighten up a bit. It’s polite to show an interest in others. Would you prefer it If nobodyacknowledged your accent? I personally think it’s ignorant to do that.

Oh yes, people need to "lighten up" about implied xenophobia and latent racism. I would love it if people didn't comment on my accent, or question my ethnicity.

How do you manage to make small talk or have any conversations at all? Apparently it’s the only way!!

Would you prefer it If nobody acknowledged your accent?

Yes!!!! Why on earth would it be rude to not acknowledge it.

It would be a bloody blessing.

Anyone with something ‘other’ about them will experience this. I am a vegetarian (how long have you been veggie for? Do you miss meat? Is it for health or ethical reasons?). I have twins (are they identical? Where they conceived naturally? Do you have twins in your family?). Yawn. But I don’t care that much.

I’m not from here originally and it’s never occurred to me to be offended or annoyed at being asked where I’m from, it’s just basic small talk at worst or at best people genuinely interested in you and your experiences.

Perhaps if you are being asked the same questions all the time you need to work on your social and conversation skills. I definitely tend to fall back on dull topics like the weather or home countries if someone is a bit boring and a bad conversationalist and I’m struggling to get them talking about anything else.

That’s not the point she was making! It’s the tediousness of having been asked the same question over and over, because people seem to see nothing else but the fact that we have a foreign accent. Do they not think that we had this conversation a million times already and it’s BOOOORING?! I now automatically disengage from people who ask me where I’m from within the first two sentences, give them the answer in just 1 word and move on. I don’t mind at all if they ask me after we have been conversing for a while.

My accent is the least interesting thing about me (especially since people assume exotic , but I’m just bog standard EE) . I honestly wouldn’t care if no one ever asked , it’s not a thing.

No. And that's not what I said.

I agree! It’s a blessing when people talk about anything else but my accent and where I am from, when they first meet me!

I doubt random people in shops ask you any of that , especially if you’re on your own. Or as soon as you speak/introduce yourself.

I feel the same!!!

I know the feeling! 😂

Precisely! That would be after a while into the conversation. But the accent, they just latch onto that and ask about it straight away! Yawn 🥱

God OP when I lived in London for a few years no one ever spoke to me, literally no one. I lived in a few different places and couldn't tell you who my next door neighbour was at any of them. Never knew any of my neighbours in fact. no one ever spoke to me on a bus or in a queue or in a shop beyond what was required.

It's one of the many things I hated about living in London.

It is interesting though? Are you not interested in other countries and cultures and what it’s like there from the perspective of someone who knows it? I always find that interesting and I understand that people find my home country interesting and want to talk about it. It’s normal to be curious about other places.

I was trying to book a hairdresser's appointment and got asked 'where are you from', was it really necessary for the receptionist to know? No. I don't think I am boring or a 'bad conversationalist' and yes I'd rather she didn't ask that.

This.

And I'm a native English speaker. But I get it a lot, which only tells me how parochial & untravelled a lot of British people are.

As a foreigner who has lived 20 years in the UK, I get this all the time. Yes sometimes it is tiresome answering the same questions for the umpteenth time, particularly as an introverted. I tend to tell myself that the questions stem from a place of genuine curiosity (I don't think anyone has ever asked me in a "why don't you go back to your country" tone, but I am white and European so I know I am privileged in this respect). Some people don't know that many immigrants, or they don't know anyone from my country, etc. I do have sort of "stock answers" for the typical questions (where are you from, how long have you lived here, do you miss your country, do you go back often, do you still have family back) and if I'm tired or disengaged I can just go on auto-pilot and satisfy their curiosity without becoming emotionally overinvested. 😆

This, this a 100 times. I don't ever think about it, please ask me where I got my nice red coat from instead, if you hate talking about the weather!

I’m not originally from the UK, though am British and have lived here most of my adult life. I get asked all the time.

It’s weird. I would never in a million years ask someone where they were from unless (a) they brought it up in conversation (“I haven’t been home in 5 years and can’t wait to go back for Christmas.” And then I’d follow up by asking asking where home was), or (b) from their accent, I can tell they’re from my country and then I’d ask where to see if we lived near each other.

I have a friend whose family is originally from Zambia. She is born and bred in Essex. Essex accent. People ask her all the time where she’s from. She’s like Essex. No, where are you from? Essex! But no, where are you FROM? They don’t stop until they get the answer that her grandparents are from Zambia. 🙄