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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

756 replies

Playdoughy · 21/12/2025 00:36

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 21/12/2025 10:08

I live abroad. I'm always asked where I'm from. It's a conversation starter yabu

ALovelyCabinet · 21/12/2025 10:08

I don't mind this q at all but I don't get it as a random convert starter tbh.

You're so lucky!

I can say something in a social setting and nine times out of ten someone I've never spoken to before will ask, where are you from?

Or I'll be having a conversation with someone and another person in the group or room who hears me speak will just randomly ask me, when it's got nothing to do with the conversation.

catsnore · 21/12/2025 10:09

I understand where you are coming from, it’s a dull and repetitive conversation to keep having.

I’m from the UK and worked for ten months in a very different country and was asked about this on a daily basis- mostly fine. But on a Saturday we used to have to do a thing at work where random people could come and chat and practice their English on us, and my god it was tedious. Thinks questions like ‘how many trees are there in England?’ 😂😂😂

over the time I developed ways to deflect and avoid to stop having to engage so much. Outright lies could often be the source of great amusement. We regularly pretended to be from other places just to see if we could pull it off.

sending strength and sympathy 😂

EleventyThree · 21/12/2025 10:09

There was a similar thread to this posted a while ago and lots of people also refused to show any empathy for the person who was drained from having to continually explain themselves.

I have a non-UK accent and get asked all the time. It does grate on me occasionally but in order to channel the frustration into something constructive, I make a point of never asking any other foreign-sounding people where they are from. If we interact often enough, they'll probably mention it at some point but I don't want to inflict the "hey, you're different!" chat on to anyone else.

YellowMellow99 · 21/12/2025 10:10

HeddaGarbled · 21/12/2025 00:38

Move to a city?

It’s the same in the city! I had to endure this for 30 years. It’s really boring and tedious! You won’t get it if you’re not foreign.

dreamiesformolly · 21/12/2025 10:10

Easy to spot those on here who probably go about bugging others with endless questions in their day-to-day lives, given the defensive nature of some of these replies. Socialising is supposed to be nuanced and even-handed, and tbh a lot of don't enjoy conversation that takes the form of an endless volley of questions. I think some people's social skills might need some fine-tuning tbh.

Wetoldyousaurus · 21/12/2025 10:10

Chiseltip · 21/12/2025 09:53

The same questions will still be asked regardless. If you are upset about the reasons behind why you have moved to a different country, you can get help with that, however, it's separate issue to other people's curiosity.

If you took your level of thinking to it's conclusion, then humanity would cease to communicate.

Show quote history

Learning to appropriately express curiosity is part of the process of maturing. It doesn’t lead to silence, it leads to adult interactions predicated on empathy and intelligence. People who are frequently identified as being ‘foreign’ by way of the question ‘where are you (really) from?’ are expressing on this forum that they find this tiresome and sometimes hurtful. They are telling those of you who don’t see the problem that they might do their best to respond politely but in their heads they often think that it’s moronic. That may be food for thought or it may not be. Crack on as you will.

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 10:10

FingertipSearch · 21/12/2025 10:05

As PP says - get over yourself. It’s just making conversation - people being interested in you at that moment in time. They are not doing anything wrong or offensive. No need to feel offended or sick/ tired whatever. If you don’t like it refuse to answer - simple.

There’s more to a person than where they are from? I refuse to believe Brits are so lacking in imagination than they can only talk about the weather or ask where somewhere is from. How else do they manage to interact with local people?

IjustbelieveinMe · 21/12/2025 10:12

Same in Australia. I haven’t lived in the UK since 2002 and most days get asked where I am from. I’m used to it now but sometimes it would be nice to just blend in.

epicpaydat · 21/12/2025 10:13

If it wasn’t this topic it would be something else. The weather, “are you ready for Christmas”, your children. It’s just human interaction, basic human nature. Would you rather they asked about your last smear results?

Carerofcats · 21/12/2025 10:13

I’m from the UK and live in the UK but at opposite ends of the country. I am frequently asked where I’m from, within the UK, with gently joking on the area I am from. It doesn’t bother me at all, in fact, I think it’s lovely that people are interested. If we are not careful, no one will dare make small talk with anyone. As long as people are not commenting on a physical difference or disability, I think it’s great for us to all connect.

Gettingbysomehow · 21/12/2025 10:13

I never ask that question. Its not the done thing any more. I might ask if they are from here...Somerset.... if they are asking for directions so I can tailor my reply but that's it.

handsdownthebest · 21/12/2025 10:14

I've been here 40 years and still get asked where I'm from, because I still have an accent. Doesn't bother me at all, in fact it often serves as a conversation starter. I am interested in people so would ask them where they are from, especially when from a different cultural background.

FingertipSearch · 21/12/2025 10:16

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 10:10

There’s more to a person than where they are from? I refuse to believe Brits are so lacking in imagination than they can only talk about the weather or ask where somewhere is from. How else do they manage to interact with local people?

Show quote history

Nothing to do with “Brits”. Interest in others is universal - and people’s origins, stories and experiences are part of the richness of life that people universally are curious about, tap in to and find connection. Don’t like it, don’t engage.

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 10:18

Carerofcats · 21/12/2025 10:13

I’m from the UK and live in the UK but at opposite ends of the country. I am frequently asked where I’m from, within the UK, with gently joking on the area I am from. It doesn’t bother me at all, in fact, I think it’s lovely that people are interested. If we are not careful, no one will dare make small talk with anyone. As long as people are not commenting on a physical difference or disability, I think it’s great for us to all connect.

I make lots of small talk with various people in various contexts. I’m friendly (to some extent)with some that I briefly see on a regular basis and I don’t even know their name.Somehow I managed to do that without asking people where they are from.

Sunbeam01 · 21/12/2025 10:21

ChristmasMantleStatue · 21/12/2025 09:58

Or they insert something they think they know about your country which is offensive.

Show quote history

Have you ever been to Paris???

This happens the world over. It's human nature. It's different cultures coming together and is to be expected. What is offensive to you is not to others.

How people can go through life being permanently offended is beyond me 🙄

YellowMellow99 · 21/12/2025 10:22

Playdoughy · 21/12/2025 00:36

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

I’m with you 💯
People who are not foreigners in this country or people who never lived abroad won’t get this, hence the high % of people saying YABU.
You are DEFINITELY not being unreasonable! I’ve lived in the UK for over 30 years. I moved here when I was 19. I still get the same bloody boring question. Where are you from? I spent 2/3 of my life in the UK. I just say I’m from Reading, which is where I lived since 2000. People don’t really get how boring and tedious it is to having to keep repeating the same thing! I’m from xxx I have been here for x years. No, I’m not going back. No, my husband is not from my county, he’s English. Argh! I lived in London for 5 years and in Reading since 2000, and it’s the same anywhere you go! Just really dull! The funniest was when a guy in a club in London tried chatting me up in the 90’s and I shouted (over the music) ‘I’m Norvegian’ He looked at me and shouted back ‘You’re Nigerian?’ 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’ve brown hair and blue eyes and I’m definitely white. It was hilarious 🤣

cocoromo · 21/12/2025 10:22

It’s just polite small talk / people showing an interest. How are they supposed to know if you’re sick of hearing it or not. Just answer politely and move on with your life.

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 10:22

FingertipSearch · 21/12/2025 10:16

Nothing to do with “Brits”. Interest in others is universal - and people’s origins, stories and experiences are part of the richness of life that people universally are curious about, tap in to and find connection. Don’t like it, don’t engage.

Show quote history

Then why does that interest suddenly wane when it’s not the country they expected?

Some woman found it appropriate(nevermind that it’s not , no matter how some of you like to pretend it is) to stop me in a shop while I was shopping and chatting with DD to ask me where my accent is from. Let’s say she was lonely, interested, looking for her next best friend or whatever other bs excuse you want to use. I told her. “Oh… ok…” and she walked off. Funny that.

FondOfOwls · 21/12/2025 10:23

ALovelyCabinet · 21/12/2025 10:08

I don't mind this q at all but I don't get it as a random convert starter tbh.

You're so lucky!

I can say something in a social setting and nine times out of ten someone I've never spoken to before will ask, where are you from?

Or I'll be having a conversation with someone and another person in the group or room who hears me speak will just randomly ask me, when it's got nothing to do with the conversation.

I don't get it as often as I used to, but it's just so tedious, isn't it? I guess some people don't mind these sort of conversations. At this point I lived in the UK longer than in my 'home country', have dual citizenship etc. So no, I do not care about its politics, and I don't know Marta from north end of town, because you know, I hang out with people I like and not because they were born somewhere. I don't know if it's sad, but I like how these days few people can pinpoint 'where I am from' so easily. I just don't care.

Sunbeam01 · 21/12/2025 10:24

YellowMellow99 · 21/12/2025 10:22

I’m with you 💯
People who are not foreigners in this country or people who never lived abroad won’t get this, hence the high % of people saying YABU.
You are DEFINITELY not being unreasonable! I’ve lived in the UK for over 30 years. I moved here when I was 19. I still get the same bloody boring question. Where are you from? I spent 2/3 of my life in the UK. I just say I’m from Reading, which is where I lived since 2000. People don’t really get how boring and tedious it is to having to keep repeating the same thing! I’m from xxx I have been here for x years. No, I’m not going back. No, my husband is not from my county, he’s English. Argh! I lived in London for 5 years and in Reading since 2000, and it’s the same anywhere you go! Just really dull! The funniest was when a guy in a club in London tried chatting me up in the 90’s and I shouted (over the music) ‘I’m Norvegian’ He looked at me and shouted back ‘You’re Nigerian?’ 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’ve brown hair and blue eyes and I’m definitely white. It was hilarious 🤣

Show quote history

Utter tosh.

I am from London and I get this frequently in London.

The horror.

EatYourDamnPie · 21/12/2025 10:25

cocoromo · 21/12/2025 10:22

It’s just polite small talk / people showing an interest. How are they supposed to know if you’re sick of hearing it or not. Just answer politely and move on with your life.

So if you meet someone that IS from the same town as you how do you make small talk/show an interest?

YellowMellow99 · 21/12/2025 10:25

Sunbeam01 · 21/12/2025 10:21

Have you ever been to Paris???

This happens the world over. It's human nature. It's different cultures coming together and is to be expected. What is offensive to you is not to others.

How people can go through life being permanently offended is beyond me 🙄

Show quote history

I don’t think she’s offended, she’s just bored with getting asked the same question all the time. It kinda makes you feel like people don’t notice anything else about you but your accent. In my country there aren’t distinguished accents really and nobody ever asks anyone where they are from, so for us it’s just weird and it is morning having to say the same thing over and over. Not offended, just bored.

ChristmasMantleStatue · 21/12/2025 10:25

Sunbeam01 · 21/12/2025 10:21

Have you ever been to Paris???

This happens the world over. It's human nature. It's different cultures coming together and is to be expected. What is offensive to you is not to others.

How people can go through life being permanently offended is beyond me 🙄

Show quote history

Well granted what I said next was about how people make stupid jokes about how you must be a thief because you are Australian. You are right, that's not offensive at all, it's hilarious.

Maryaliceyoungx · 21/12/2025 10:27

I get it all the time as I was raised in America with British parents so my accent can be a weird one - I have had people think I’m Irish, South African ect. I actually made a conscious effort in shops or meeting new people to have a British accent and no one asks.

i actually dont mind the questions - usually it’s because they think they might have something in common. Lots of people with Irish heritage have asked as they feel they have a connection with me! I’ve just parred it down to 6 words as it can be a bit of a long story… ‘American born, British parents, weird accent’ and move on.