To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

Context matters! Meeting new and interesting people is great! But in a queue in a shop? It's not the time or place and you're intersecting for moments...it's just too random.

That's interesting! As a Polish woman living here I am sick to the back of my teeth when people feel the need to tell me about their trip to Krakow 😅I don't mind as much when they ask when I already know them a bit, but as a conversation starter it is just SO boring. I even considered training myself to have more of a British accent, say Stephen Fry-ish - but DH didn't like the idea...

Agree 100%

What a strange thread.

I get asked this too in London but I am actually from London and 9 times out of 10 the people asking cannot believe they have met a 'real Londoner' in London.

I have also lived in 3 different European countries and have been asked where I am from.

I have never taken offence because it is not offensive. It is conversation and trying to build rapport.

Get over yourself honestly.

Do they also ask you if you know their [insert name of random Polish person they met]?

That is one I find funny rather than irritating. I am from Australia so maybe know their random friend who moved. Although that said... sometimes I do. .

I am sick to the back of my teeth when people feel the need to tell me about their trip to Krakow 😅

I hear you!! 😂

I think YABU, just because it's normal human behaviour to have conversations like this. I used to have the same conversation every time someone found out I was a vegetarian, and then I moved to the UK and I had it about my accent.

I suspect the fact you're in a big city and meeting new people all the time exasperates the problem. I live in village, where everyone has long since had the "where are you from" conversation, and I work in another village, where ditto. I meet new people sometimes, but not so often, and now I see it as a plus that people have an easy way to start conversations with me.

I stop that by asking if they know Peter with blond hair from the city they are from. You know the Peter, you must know him since you are from there😁 They never do that again.

The same questions will still be asked regardless. If you are upset about the reasons behind why you have moved to a different country, you can get help with that, however, it's separate issue to other people's curiosity.

If you took your level of thinking to it's conclusion, then humanity would cease to communicate.

You sound really chippy. People are just making small talk. Why not just do like most Londoners and don’t talk to anyone you don’t know. Problem solved.

I feel a bit sad that it might be considered offensive to ask about an accent, especially when in a friendly way. Accents interest me. Having studied foreign languages and spent a couple of years abroad I was certainly asked where I was from though not when making a quick purchase in a shop.

My time abroad was much briefer so I don't know how I would have felt if I had stayed on. Where I live here we comment about the weather and the usual stuff.
People in the UK are maybe keener on superficial chit chat than in the other countries I've lived in and I like it and don't get fed up with it at all.

I don't mind this q at all but I don't get it as a random convert starter tbh. It's usually part of some conversation, not just "where are you from".
It's not othering to me, it's not "uou don't belong" to me at all.
I am different and obviously people notice 🤷 Plus my accent is confusing and leads to some interesting guesses about my origin😂

I was in hospital speaking to the nurse and this man sitting nearby just started with his questions about where I was from. He didn't ask anything else. And got angry when I told him.

Where's the building rapport or socialness there that some people on this thread seem to think is the reason this gets asked.

Or they insert something they think they know about your country which is offensive.

Just be grateful people are even interested. Most people lack even basic curiosity about others.

So we should all ignore eachother and be hostile to any questions, no matter how trivial?

You're level of thinking is why there's an epidemic of loneliness in society.

It might not be as much of an issue if a lot of people didn’t just awkwardly slink off /stop the conversation once they hear I’m from X country rather than whatever place they assumed.

Hyperbole much?

“I should hide my wallet”.

Fucking hilarious.🙄

My whole problem is that it's not my country, and so many of the questioners take offence when I tell them I'm not Scottish.

YES!!!!!

At work once I got 'Don't put Mantle in charge of the petty cash tin. She's descended from convicts you know'.

Or that all Australians are racist.

Last night I was at a work party and met a Greek woman and woke up this morning feeling anxious because I didn’t ask her anything about Greece, it felt so rude like I hadn’t taken an interest in her at all. But now I’m glad I didn’t!

If I had asked her it would have come from a place of respect and hospitality. I don’t need her to tell me information about Greece, I have google. It does sound tiring for you though! I also think it is absolutely bonkers that anyone asks you why you left your home country, that is such a personal question.

I do have two Italian friends who are always waiting for people to ask them where they are from so they can talk at great length about Italy, Italian politics, Italian cuisine, Italian art history, Italian architecture and Italian language 😆🇮🇹🤌 They would be so disappointed if nobody every asked them where they are from!

As PP says - get over yourself. It’s just making conversation - people being interested in you at that moment in time. They are not doing anything wrong or offensive. No need to feel offended or sick/ tired whatever. If you don’t like it refuse to answer - simple.

My (British) accent doesn't fit where I live, and it's a difficult accent to pinpoint unless you're familiar with a certain region. So I'm asked more than the average person where my accent's from. But I think it's an interesting topic, so I'm happy to talk about it and I don't see it as rude - more curiosity. As someone else said, it's more interesting small talk than the weather or where I got my coat from.

I have lived all my adult life in the Cotswolds but still have my Shropshire accent which is a mixture of clarrie grundy and Welsh. I am always being asked where income from.