To be sick and tired of being asked where I am from

[Playdoughy]

Just that really.
I am not from the UK, I've lived here a good portion of my life, my child was born here, my husband is also not from the UK (different country than me), and every single time everywhere - restaurants, get-togethers, parties we are invited to, standing in a queue, riding a bus, paying for a book in a bookshop - I really do mean everywhere and every single time - we both get asked where are we from - nicely and in a friendly manner ofcourse.

Now, to be clear - I am proud of where I am from, I don't mind talking about my country, a lot of beautiful things to say. I also don't expect people to assume I am from around here - I am aware of my accent 😁 so it's not like I am 'offended' that I am recognised as a foreigner...
I am just simply tired of the one and the same conversation every single time, day after day, all these years. If after my response I get - 'ah interesting I was wondering about accent' - fine, topic finished. But 90 percent of the time this goes into full conversation - Oh interesting, so what about xyz, how is xyz, do you xyz, how do you xyz.

When people engage into these conversations - does it really never cross their mind that this poor person you are about to interrogate about their roots probably gets that same question all the time and maybe just maybe is tired of it.
How about a good old weather themed conversation? Or asking about where I bought my bag, or recommend a movie, or simply rant about the ridiculous prices... anything but - 'so where are you from?'
And yes I know that the default answer to my post may be - 'If you don't mind me asking but - where are you from?' It is not even funny anymore.

Also is there anything I could potentially do to communicate that these questions are not exactly welcomed, without being rude or sounding like I am trying to hide something or being a weirdo.

Op is from London too. Presumably they were all talking her her about where she's from and ran out if time to talk to anyone else

I just say the town where I live. Very few people push it further nowadays.

The accent question is funny, because most people that have asked assume something more exotic , and quite a few people’s attitude changed instantly when I told them where it’s actually from. It used to bug me, now I just think “Dick!”.

The one that really annoys me is “how long have you been here ? Your English is very good!”. 1. Why wouldn’t it be? 2. It was just as good 15 years ago as it is now, I just had a stronger accent.

God forbid that people try to have some friendly interaction with people around them, or to show an interest in something. The world would be so much better if people completely ignored each other in the street, or if retail or hospitality staff just served in silence with a surly expression on their faces

OP, if it’s so annoying to you, then stick on a pair of headphones or perfect your resting bitch face so that no one tries to talk to you.

I have to explain my name every time I write it or say it as my first name is from my mother's country and its very unusual and my surname is English. So I get asked lots of questions about why this is, where did I grow up etc. and have done my whole life. I don't care a hoot about people asking. I think it shows interest in another person.

I agree I think the only thing you can do is pointedly interpret the question as where you've come from today ie. Answer "London" and that will end the conversation!

Dd was born missing her hand and she reckons pretty much everyone, young or old, asks her about it within the first three minutes of meeting her.
Followed most of the time by lists of people/famous people who the other person knows who are missing various body parts - normally followed by the statement "and they can do anything" said in tones of surprise.

She would sympathise with you.

For what it's worth I wouldn't ask someone unless they had a similar accent to the (UK) area they were brought up in, or after I knew them reasonably well and it came up in conversation naturally.

I find your objections odd and quite unfriendly, especially at a time when social isolation and loneliness is so rampant. I lived in a foreign country for a few years and people always asked me where I was from - this was an icebreaker and often opened up into broader discussions, dinner invitations, friendships, and more. Maybe relax a bit and don't take offence so quickly and you might find other people are pleasant.

I get you. People might have good intentions and try to find out more about you, but to me it’s I’m just a constant reminder that you don’t belong and you’re not from here

I do think the OP is exaggerating the number of encounters she has. As a born and bred Londoner, I can tell you that someone stopping you in the queue in a shop to ask you a question about yourself is a very rare occurrence. Sometimes when things happen to us a lot they feel like they happen more often than they actually do.

I get what you’re saying but I also think when you move to somewhere else you do have to accept you will get people asking you questions based on your accent or your appearance or whatever. Our brains are wired to notice difference and for a lot of people it will be a way to start a conversation and kindly meant.

Being bothered by people’s questions is a choice. You can’t control what people ask you but you can control how you respond to it.

I speak from experience of having lived abroad and also being British but not looking typically so. I do get asked often where I’m from and I choose not to take offence and instead treat it as an interesting conversation starter. Not everything has to be a micro aggression or act of harm.

People criticising others for not wanting to engage have no idea how bloody incessant people can be about this, and how exhausting it is because it's never just asking where are you from, then moving on, it just feels like a constant barrage of questions once they've decided how fascinating it is to them.

I am white British, but I get asked all the time - am olive skinned, dark haired and people either thin I am mixed race (my adoptive/step family are Iranian and I look no different to my mixed race half sisters) or they wonder whether I am Spanish/Italian/Greek. It’s happened all my life. It’s human nature to be curious. It usually leads to a conversation about how I wish I was Italian as I love Italy and we chat about holidays until the bus comes or their tube stop comes along. I look upon those conversations as lovely and human - I live in a sleepy Surrey market town where no-one speaks to anyone unless it’s to complain about the traffic and we are all homogeneously white/British/middle class.

Am moving partially back to London soon precisely because whenever I go up I always get to chat to interesting people. It’s strangely far less lonely In London than Surrey, esp once your kids have grown up and left home.

OK, so I'm guilty of doing this. It's far more interesting to talk about different places than the weather. I have also lived abroad and was happy to tell people where im from so I didnt think people would be offended by it. I must say that I'm surprised you get it in London though: everyone there has an accent!

Why is that an issue though? Most people either genuinely don’t care you’re not British or are just desperately excited to talk about another culture or country.

My husband is a native Brit who always gets questions like this abroad. They’ll always say stuff like ‘oh I live the Beatles!’ (He’s not from Liverpool’ or stuff like ‘Gareth Bale!’ (He’s not Welsh). It’s charming and innocent and they just want to find common ground/a connection.

I’m Polish but living here over 20 years now. I still have a slight accent and people ask me where I’m from. I take it the same way.

@Playdoughy I sympathise OP. I've lived in the UK my whole adult life, but I still have a slight foreign accent. Most of the time nobody mentions it now, but sometimes I get the dreaded 'Where are you from' question... I just say 'Manchester'! Unlike you, I do not really care for my country of birth (which is a separate topic entirely), but when someone steers the conversation towards this subject I can feel my stomach drop. Yes, there are nice places in my country of birth, no I do not want to hear about your cousin's friend having visited a city there once. Shocking how many people think it's okay to use it as an ice breaker, really. I wish they didn't.

Not being originally from somewhere doesn't mean that you don't belong there.
My SIL is Australian. She's been here 30 years and has dual citizenship. She needed that in order to be able to stay forever without issue. She has an Australian accent, travels back frequently and considers herself absolutely Australian. None of that makes her belong here less.

I think this might be part of it. But still , I get why it is tedious for you. I would go for something like "oh, Morocco, but I left ages ago... (all on a down note as in kind if getting that bit out of the way before the real meat of the conversation, which could be plucked from a stock two or three such as:

"Have you always lived here?" (They can choose Ealing/London/UK as the 'here' if you're vague enough)

"I do think the buses/shops/ coffee/youth employment situation is getting better/worse recently, is that your experience? "

"Im trying to get to the O2/ uninstall Windows 11/ make cranberry sauce/buy a newspaper, any tips"

Point being, I think it is often likely to be as much about the exchange with another person as the actual topic. You have supplied a topic for the conversation (Morocco! The food! The beaches! The politics) that gives them a chance to converse as they feel , politely and fluently.

You can give them another topic and a couple of prompts and hopefully they will divert to having the same sensation of exchange of information and ideas (Windows 11! The disk space! The egregious A1!) and you can enjoy the exchange more equally, without it feeling so one-sided and repetitive to you.

That's different though. If you're from the UK then you won't have a "foreign" accent so it's fucking rude and racist to ask where you're from. But OP has a different accent.

Same. To me its a continual reminder that people feel like I don't properly belong here despite living here since being a small child in the early 80s. I reply to people that I'm from here but it isn't accepted and I'm questioned on my accent, which amazingly after all this time is still English

I wouldn't even say it makes me feel like I 'don't belong', but after 20 years it is just not something I really think about. And yes I'd rather talk about weather than having been born abroad, it gets old very quickly.

Not to everyone. I’m Polish and I don’t mind at all. My British husband gets asked where he is from when abroad. Is that also rude? Or just one way?

Yes, I think so.

I have been in the UK 25 years. I recently had my Australian best friend ask me 'I guess the question is, who do you barack for in the Ashes? Because you are not Australian if you barack for England'. I said 'I don 't follow cricket'. That same trip I said a throwaway line along the lines of 'At home we have this... ' and my mother got so upset she started crying because I apparently don't think of myself as Australian anymore. I feel like I am both, although I have not taken British citizenship for personal and quite complicated reasons.

But I get the question in both countries because my accent has mellowed in my time in the UK. 🙄

That’s unnecessary, as an answer.

Trying to thickly lay on some White Guilt to a polite question.
Asking someone where they’re from isn’t rude, or racist, or any other ism.

I’m sure it’s irritating if the OP hears it every day, but no one is being offensive by asking.

Exactly. I don't get why people are equating being from somewhere else with not belonging where you are.
I absolutely belong where I live. Small talk about my origins doesn't and can't change that.n

Some people just love to be offended. As a Polish woman living here with a slight noticeable accent people ask, they’re curious.

This!

If I answer that I just grew up in Scotland, they always ask where, and want to know exactly where. They are not fobbed off with generalisation! It goes way beyond a conversation starter.

It's intrusive and boring. Sometimes I feel that giving them the GPS coordinates is the only way to shut them up.

A lot only ask because they want to tell me a boring story about when they went on holiday to Scotland in 1983 or whenever.

Good grief / how would anyone meet new and interesting people if we never talked to strangers?

how isolated and lonely we must all become for fear of offending anyone