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AIBU?

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Original poster

Not to have known his true age before sleeping together?

487 replies

Lockingthegins · 20/12/2025 22:03

He’s bloody 18! Not 19 until April

Casual conversation and flirting lead to hotel room and sex.

Really mortified to discover he is actually 18. No, he didn’t actually tell me. I assumed he was about 21. I am 28.

I feel so, so awful. Really panicked when I found out the morning after. He doesn’t seem bothered and thinks it’s all fine. Grinning like a Cheshire ca

Good lord, I haven’t scarred him for life, have I? Please someone assure me I’m not sick in the head

I would be furious if I was his mum!

OP posts:
BurnoutGP · 21/12/2025 06:24

HelmholtzWatson · 21/12/2025 06:07

Whatever. To avoid these situations in future, don't have sex with someone a few hours after meeting them.

Yes mum...oh my god this thread is ridiculous!

Mothership4two · 21/12/2025 06:28

Dollymylove · 20/12/2025 23:33

A few years back my friend told me about a night out she and another friend had, they were both late 30s at the time. They were in a bar and got chatting to 2 younger men. Some flirting was going on and these 2 young chaps invited the 2 ladies out. Turns out these chaps were 20. When the ladies told them they were late 30s, the boys said, we dont really like dating girls the same age, they found them too complicated and dramatic. So that somewhat explodes the myth that young men are being exploited by older women, quite the opposite imho. That's what theh actually want!! 😅😅

I 'm not sure all teenage men want older women! But I remember watching a documentary years ago about the English debutante season and laughing when the young posh men who had been rounded up to socialise with them - the deb's delights - were all saying that they fancied the mums rather than the daughters!

The young men and women were around 17/18.

Charlottian · 21/12/2025 06:33

Lockingthegins · 20/12/2025 22:12

Yes I did. But now I feel so much remorse and shame

Show quote history

Your reaction says a lot. It’s not ideal. Learn from it. In future…ASK.

sassyduck · 21/12/2025 06:33

Don't feel guilty! He's a consenting adult as well! Let the guilt go. You've done nothing wrong.

HelmholtzWatson · 21/12/2025 06:36

ilovepixie · 20/12/2025 22:19

If it was a 28 year old man sleeping with an 18 year old girl would the responses be the same?

No, but then the OP wouldn't be the same either.

Men/women like younger/older partners respectively, so it's always more of an unusual situation where these roles are reversed.

Mothership4two · 21/12/2025 06:37

Makemeanonymous · 20/12/2025 23:07

Well if he goes round bragging to his friends it shows how immature is he doesn't it?
How do you know he doesn't regret having a meaningless sexial encounter with an older woman. How do you know he will be " grinning from to ear" ?

This perception that young guys are fair game for older women is just gross.

The situation OP describes being so desperate for sex she drags a young guy into a hotel room is really quite a horrible scenario.

Show quote history

OP describes being so desperate for sex she drags a young guy into a hotel room

It's amusing (to me) when a poster pulls up another for making assumptions and then goes on to do exactly the same themselves - a really rather overblown one in this case.

Beesandhoney123 · 21/12/2025 06:40

Perhaps your guilt is tied to the morning after and having a ons if you haven't been in a relationship for a few years. Even if you had fun, you might be thinking it's unlikely to go anywhere. Especially if he told you he was 18 afterwards. Are you sure he wasn't messing with your head?

Maybe when you are chatting each other up, another time, ask questions that give you clues if they are telling the truth about their age, or intentions. Wasn't he with any friends who gave the game away?

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 21/12/2025 06:43

Alpacajigsaw · 20/12/2025 22:26

Am I missing something with the “at least he wasn’t 17” comments? The age of consent is 16 no? I must be missing why OP having sex with a 17 year old would be worse than with a 18 year old.

OP it’s understandable you have the cringe but as the mum of 2 boys of similar vintage his mum is hardly likely to find out let alone hunt you down. Chalk it down to experience and be a bit more careful next time!

While 16 is age of consent 17 is still a child. At 28 who the hell would want to have sex with a child

Mothership4two · 21/12/2025 06:54

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 21/12/2025 06:43

While 16 is age of consent 17 is still a child. At 28 who the hell would want to have sex with a child

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OP didn't want to have sex with an 18yo let alone a 17 yo. I think that poster is saying 17 is still over the age of consent (although obviously not ideal).

StephensLass1977 · 21/12/2025 06:59

It's legal and he never lied or misled you. Why are you losing your mind and why on earth are some posters calling him a little bugger? Why is everything always the male's fault?

If age gaps repulse you to this extent, you should have asked him.

Justchilling07 · 21/12/2025 07:00

@SeaShellsSanctuary1 oh my goodness, this is getting OTT now.In this scenario, he was 18, legally a man, not classed as a child🙄
It’s quite interesting this thread, the judgement, on women!

SeaShellsSanctuary1 · 21/12/2025 07:01

Mothership4two · 21/12/2025 06:54

OP didn't want to have sex with an 18yo let alone a 17 yo. I think that poster is saying 17 is still over the age of consent (although obviously not ideal).

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I get what was said. My point being age of consent or not, sex with a child clearly looks worse on your CV

FlyingApple · 21/12/2025 07:04

TrishM80 · 20/12/2025 22:39

18 year old boys very much much look like boys. There's a big difference between an 18 year old boy and a 21 year old man, there can be no mistaking it.

Agreed, he must have looked very youthful. I could never 🤮

Justchilling07 · 21/12/2025 07:06

StephensLass1977 · 21/12/2025 06:59

It's legal and he never lied or misled you. Why are you losing your mind and why on earth are some posters calling him a little bugger? Why is everything always the male's fault?

If age gaps repulse you to this extent, you should have asked him.

I’ve heard it all now, "why is everything always the male’s fault”🤣 Have you actually read all the comments, posters having a go at op!
She’s done, nothing wrong.

Dancingdance · 21/12/2025 07:10

It’s usually so obvious when a man is in his late teens or early 20s as in looks and immaturity. If he seems young enough to ask for ID then stay away.

notacooldad · 21/12/2025 07:16

>And you are equally approving of a 28 year old guy having a ons with an 18 year old woman?*
A comete non issue assuming no vulnerabilities or power imbalance due to professional connections.

toobeautifulforwords · 21/12/2025 07:21

Eyeshadow · 20/12/2025 23:05

Yes loads.

I used to go to over 18 clubs all of the time when I was under 18 and go home with men who assumed I was over 18.
I could have easily turned around and reported them.

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I think given they met you in a club for over 18s the police wouldn’t be rushing round to arrest them, it would be perfectly reasonable to assume you were over 18, after all.

Goldenbear · 21/12/2025 07:23

PyongyangKipperbang · 20/12/2025 22:59

A ONS between two consenting adults....dont see the issue.

If there was a power imbalance then yes there would be, that why people have issues with much older men with younger women as the women often dont know how to say no. Or if OP was his boss/teacher etc But that doesnt sound like this is the case here.

Funny thing is that his mates probably wont believe him when he tells this story, so not much to worry about there!

And why would it be worse if he was 17 to the PP who mentioned it? The age of consent in the UK is 16.

I don't think it would be something to gloat about, 28 is pretty old when you're 18, it's nearly 30!

OneNewLeader · 21/12/2025 07:31

One of my sons at 18, was an adult, the other was still a kid. Don’t worry!

KrimboBell · 21/12/2025 07:33

It’s fine. He is a consenting adult and so are you. If the genders were reversed no one would be too bothered.
If you were looking for something long term you may find the age gap a problem but you’re not by the sounds of it.
Go and watch Harold and Maud- it’s a great film and will put things in context.

Fleurz · 21/12/2025 08:01

I’m presuming he had a rough idea how old you were. You have made his day. I actually have a similar age gap with dp but older. I would shrug it off if he is. In future ask ages. In your twenties that’s tricky to work out as so many people do not look their age.

Sadsadthings · 21/12/2025 08:03

Someone in my circle is over 70, her partner is late 20s. They seem very happy!
I was quite shocked. Other than her hair being dyed, they both very much look their ages.

Kindornothing · 21/12/2025 08:09

Mortified aside you made a mistake which worked out ok.

But in all seriousness we always should ask. 18 is young but what if he had been younger? Some kids look so much older best to be safe.

yetanotherchristmas · 21/12/2025 08:10

It’s done now, yes you feeing guilty and icky but what can you do about it now? Please don’t go back for seconds, the age difference is icky. Next time ask their age. He probably won’t be damaged for life, just glad he got he end away!

Simonjt · 21/12/2025 08:12

Alpacajigsaw · 20/12/2025 22:26

Am I missing something with the “at least he wasn’t 17” comments? The age of consent is 16 no? I must be missing why OP having sex with a 17 year old would be worse than with a 18 year old.

OP it’s understandable you have the cringe but as the mum of 2 boys of similar vintage his mum is hardly likely to find out let alone hunt you down. Chalk it down to experience and be a bit more careful next time!

Because a seventeen year old is a child, would you have sex with a child?