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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to have known his true age before sleeping together?

487 replies

Lockingthegins · 20/12/2025 22:03

He’s bloody 18! Not 19 until April

Casual conversation and flirting lead to hotel room and sex.

Really mortified to discover he is actually 18. No, he didn’t actually tell me. I assumed he was about 21. I am 28.

I feel so, so awful. Really panicked when I found out the morning after. He doesn’t seem bothered and thinks it’s all fine. Grinning like a Cheshire ca

Good lord, I haven’t scarred him for life, have I? Please someone assure me I’m not sick in the head

I would be furious if I was his mum!

OP posts:
PrincessofWells · 21/12/2025 12:29

KimberleyClark · 21/12/2025 10:52

If you slept together when you were 18 and he was 32 that was definitely ick.

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It's very kind of you to share your repressive views on sexuality and relationships.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 21/12/2025 12:31

Some young men look like boys and some like 30 year old men. Particularly weathered rugby, farmer types.

Needmorelego · 21/12/2025 12:32

@Goldenbear 17 year olds are not actually required to be in "education" at all.
Even so if his 19th birthday is next April he would have finished sixth form/college last June.

HelloDenise · 21/12/2025 12:37

x2boys · 21/12/2025 11:53

Why would you assume hes a sixth former ?
He's 19 in April for a start
And not everyone goes to sixth form.

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Education is mandatory until 18 isn't it? This guy was 18 in April so he'd have left in the summer. He could be at university though

x2boys · 21/12/2025 12:40

HelloDenise · 21/12/2025 12:37

Education is mandatory until 18 isn't it? This guy was 18 in April so he'd have left in the summer. He could be at university though

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Education or training ,so he may have started an apprenticeship at 16 and be working full time
But tbh no one really checks my son ,s friend has dropped out of two college courses, at 16 and 17 and nobody checked what he was doing.

Goldenbear · 21/12/2025 12:41

Needmorelego · 21/12/2025 12:32

@Goldenbear 17 year olds are not actually required to be in "education" at all.
Even so if his 19th birthday is next April he would have finished sixth form/college last June.

Er, in England the law requires the following: "must be participating in education, training, or work with training until you turn 18". So you can't just work full time, this is why I referenced the Customer Service course. Either way rebuffing my point with your deflective bilge, doesn't make it any less gross.

Zov · 21/12/2025 12:44

KimberleyClark · 21/12/2025 11:01

But presumably the mums on here wouldn’t be happy with a 28 year old man wanting to date their 18 year old daughter? As long as it’s a ONS it’s fine?

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This. ^ Some bizarre posts on here! The one where the poster said her ex shagged his mate's mum ... when he was like 16... WTF? Confused Honestly, I think that's enough internet for me for a few hours!

Zov · 21/12/2025 12:48

Goldenbear · 21/12/2025 12:28

I was respondinng to the comment about 17 year olds being over the age of consent and I wasn't being literal, it was a sarcastic remark highlighting the fact that is the age of sixth formers. You have to be in education of some kind until 18 so at 17 it will be college for kids of some kind even with a customer service course or some such thing, the point is - gross, a child!

Yes, in the OP's case he could be in the sixth form.

28 is close/around 30 it is late 20s and way too old for an 18 year old lad!

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Exactly. It may be 'legal' for a 40 year old to shag someone of 16-17, but it's still gross.

And as has been said, the answers would be quite different if the 40 year old had been a man, and the 16-17 year old a GIRL.

Don't even pretend the responses would be the same. Just don't!

If the answer IS 'well that would be OK too!' then I pray anyone thinking that does not have daughters.

x2boys · 21/12/2025 12:49

Goldenbear · 21/12/2025 12:41

Er, in England the law requires the following: "must be participating in education, training, or work with training until you turn 18". So you can't just work full time, this is why I referenced the Customer Service course. Either way rebuffing my point with your deflective bilge, doesn't make it any less gross.

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Nobody checks though.

Goldenbear · 21/12/2025 12:51

Zov · 21/12/2025 12:48

Exactly. It may be 'legal' for a 40 year old to shag someone of 16-17, but it's still gross.

And as has been said, the answers would be quite different if the 40 year old had been a man, and the 16-17 year old a GIRL.

Don't even pretend the responses would be the same. Just don't!

If the answer IS 'well that would be OK too!' then I pray anyone thinking that does not have daughters.

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Legally ok, I suppose, morally repugnant - yes!

Dollymylove · 21/12/2025 12:52

At 18 I had a boyfriend of 27. I ended it not because of his age, but because he was a knobhead

Needmorelego · 21/12/2025 12:52

Goldenbear · 21/12/2025 12:41

Er, in England the law requires the following: "must be participating in education, training, or work with training until you turn 18". So you can't just work full time, this is why I referenced the Customer Service course. Either way rebuffing my point with your deflective bilge, doesn't make it any less gross.

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Actually you can work full time.
But anyway.... it's not relevant.
If he did 6th Form/college he would have finished last summer.
Also who said the OP is in England.

Goldenbear · 21/12/2025 12:53

Goldenbear · 21/12/2025 12:51

Legally ok, I suppose, morally repugnant - yes!

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Yes, I agree about the different sexes.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 21/12/2025 12:54

@Goldenbear- she said the young man is 18 about to turn 19 so he’s first year uni age, he’d only still be in 6th form if he’s repeated a year.

OP I can see why you were upset, while he’s an adult, there’s a big difference between someone who’s only just an adult at 18 and someone who’s still younger than you, but in their 20s. While some 18 year olds are very mature, your upset is understandable. The good news is everyone involved was a consenting adult, so your age assessment is off but not that bad.

Goldenbear · 21/12/2025 12:58

Needmorelego · 21/12/2025 12:52

Actually you can work full time.
But anyway.... it's not relevant.
If he did 6th Form/college he would have finished last summer.
Also who said the OP is in England.

Edited
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Did you read my reply - evidently not, my sixth form comment was a tool to highlight the level of maturity we are discussing and it was also in response to someone suggesting 17 would be ok as over the age of consent. The OP's encounter may/may not be in sixth form who knows still gross as he's 18!!

You are wrong about the full-time employment as legally you are required to do what I listed. It is irrelevant that this might not happen or there are 17 year olds that do nothing with their lives, it is fact and the law. I am not sure of the wider laws in the UK, I assumed UK as this is a London based forum so it's not exactly left field to think we are discussing the UK.

Goldenbear · 21/12/2025 13:00

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 21/12/2025 12:54

@Goldenbear- she said the young man is 18 about to turn 19 so he’s first year uni age, he’d only still be in 6th form if he’s repeated a year.

OP I can see why you were upset, while he’s an adult, there’s a big difference between someone who’s only just an adult at 18 and someone who’s still younger than you, but in their 20s. While some 18 year olds are very mature, your upset is understandable. The good news is everyone involved was a consenting adult, so your age assessment is off but not that bad.

Oh my god, this is so exasperated I was responding to the pervie comments about 17 year olds from another poster not the OP!

x2boys · 21/12/2025 13:02

Goldenbear · 21/12/2025 12:58

Did you read my reply - evidently not, my sixth form comment was a tool to highlight the level of maturity we are discussing and it was also in response to someone suggesting 17 would be ok as over the age of consent. The OP's encounter may/may not be in sixth form who knows still gross as he's 18!!

You are wrong about the full-time employment as legally you are required to do what I listed. It is irrelevant that this might not happen or there are 17 year olds that do nothing with their lives, it is fact and the law. I am not sure of the wider laws in the UK, I assumed UK as this is a London based forum so it's not exactly left field to think we are discussing the UK.

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The UK consists of more than just London and England
And wether you like it or not he's 18,legally hes an adult
I can't see what an 18 year old and 28 year old would have in common
But its a one night stand they are not getting married.

Goldenbear · 21/12/2025 13:07

x2boys · 21/12/2025 13:02

The UK consists of more than just London and England
And wether you like it or not he's 18,legally hes an adult
I can't see what an 18 year old and 28 year old would have in common
But its a one night stand they are not getting married.

Edited
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Well I live in England, I am referencing my own experience on the legal requirements.

ONS doesn't make it better.

SpaceRaccoon · 21/12/2025 13:08

When I was 18 I happily slept with the very cool goth club owner I was friendly with, who must have been early thirties minimum.
So what if my brain was still allegedly developing? I was legally an adult and years into sexual maturity.

The only thing that could possibly have harmed me would have been someone forcing me, and that remains true decades later.

KimberleyClark · 21/12/2025 13:14

An 18 year old could easily still be at school if they have an early birthday. My DN is in their first year of sixth form - the pay had their 17th birthday in September this year. They will be 18 in September next year. They will remain 18 until the end of the school year. Still ok for a 28 year old to shag them?

SpaceRaccoon · 21/12/2025 13:16

KimberleyClark · 21/12/2025 13:14

An 18 year old could easily still be at school if they have an early birthday. My DN is in their first year of sixth form - the pay had their 17th birthday in September this year. They will be 18 in September next year. They will remain 18 until the end of the school year. Still ok for a 28 year old to shag them?

Actually I don't see the problem particularly as I can't see how any harm would be caused.

x2boys · 21/12/2025 13:20

KimberleyClark · 21/12/2025 13:14

An 18 year old could easily still be at school if they have an early birthday. My DN is in their first year of sixth form - the pay had their 17th birthday in September this year. They will be 18 in September next year. They will remain 18 until the end of the school year. Still ok for a 28 year old to shag them?

The 18 year old in question is 19 in April so should have left school / college last June assuming they even were in a school sixth form or college snd not doing an apprenticeship.

TrishM80 · 21/12/2025 13:22

Ultimately it's a mature woman bringing a schoolboy age kid she's never met before back to a hotel room for a shag.

Grim behaviour.

x2boys · 21/12/2025 13:26

TrishM80 · 21/12/2025 13:22

Ultimately it's a mature woman bringing a schoolboy age kid she's never met before back to a hotel room for a shag.

Grim behaviour.

Ultimately hes not schoolboy age HTH.

Needmorelego · 21/12/2025 13:44

Goldenbear · 21/12/2025 12:58

Did you read my reply - evidently not, my sixth form comment was a tool to highlight the level of maturity we are discussing and it was also in response to someone suggesting 17 would be ok as over the age of consent. The OP's encounter may/may not be in sixth form who knows still gross as he's 18!!

You are wrong about the full-time employment as legally you are required to do what I listed. It is irrelevant that this might not happen or there are 17 year olds that do nothing with their lives, it is fact and the law. I am not sure of the wider laws in the UK, I assumed UK as this is a London based forum so it's not exactly left field to think we are discussing the UK.

Show quote history

That vague "education or training" rule only applies in England.
It's so vague that it's perfectly fine for a 17 year old to be in a full time job.
17 doesn't mean "school boy".