To not go back to full time work

[Karma1387]

Just looking for some advise on if I would be silly/unreasonable to not return to full time work post kids.

For a bit of background I currently have a toddler and due baby number 2 soon. I left my retail management job after finishing maternity leave with DC 1 and I have just worked 2 days a week as a shop assistant for the last year and now currently on maternity leave before DC2 comes in a few months.

My partner earns around 50k although this may decrease slightly in the next 2 years as we are moving areas and he may come off nights.

I have no desire to go back to a management career as I don't want to lose out on the time with my kids or the stress. I looked at what I would earn full time minimum wage in a full time job (as well as pension contributions) which would be a bring home of around 19500 and £75 a month into my pension.

However the cost of wrap around childcare (if we only had 2 children) as well as holiday clubs would cost around £10500 (based on current costs who knows in 2-4 years when kids start school.

Personally as someone who doesn't want to move up the career ladder would I be better off just staying as a basic shop worker 2 days a week and having more time with my kids?

House is in my name. Both have life insurance covering the other. My pension is very tiny. Maybe 1-2k currently. His isnt huge maybe 25k.

All our money is in 1 account so their isnt a split of bills.

Cheers, I wasn't digging for details but thinking of what might happen if things went wrong, which is why people feel safer in a legal relationship. As I said , I'm not an expert but in your shoes I might talk to a solicitor about what legal safeguards I might need. House being in your name helps if you're not married, I think but seriously, I'd just check.

My husband got cancer and couldn’t work for 2 years. If I hadn’t had a good job and been able to support the family, we’d have had a lot (more) problems. He did get sick pay but the fact I was working meant he didn’t have to rush back to work when he was still quite ill. We saw other men forced to do that when they weren’t fully recovered and it was so hard on them.
I just don’t think it’s a great idea for anyone to opt out of work when they don’t have to - you leave yourself and the whole family very vulnerable.

it sounds like a good idea to stay part time, but often the problem is the hours that you are offered, they don't necessarily fit in with free nursery hours - assuming you'll use those.
If you work for a good company you can joint their pension scheme and move up their career ladder when your children are older. They're only dependent on you for a relatively short time, once they're at secondary school you will have much more time - though I appreciate that is hard to imagine now.

Unfortunately life isn't a Disney movie and people here are helping OP identify and evaluate the bigger picture of important things/issues/negatives/positives she may not have considered that will directly affect her, her family, her home and their futures in the real world.

It isn't just about happy clappy oh let's all be nice and do whatever we want with cartoon birds fluttering around our heads.

I do nights currently as thats what works for us at the moment. If I can find a daytime vacancy after my maternity i will look for that 2-3 short days a week.

I haven’t meant to cause any offence. Just really trying to get you to think about the future, rather than just income/ costs right now.

You need a good careers advisor to go through your skillset, what you want and enjoy in a job, identify something you’d enjoy that has prospects for progression onto better pay AND flexibility on hours and then work out the pathway to that: what training/ qualifications are needed, what work experience/ voluntary work would open up opportunities for work once your children are school age, and then use this time when you’re working minimal hours to do that study/ work experience in the evenings when they are asleep/ days when your husband is off so he can take over childcare to focus on this so that you can build a future for yourself once they are both in school.

It’s quite normal I think to find that going from one child to two children is the point at which childcare costs start to exceed one parent’s earnings. But there are non-financial benefits to staying in the workforce in some capacity. I have worked in recruitment in the past so I understood just how hard it was to get back into the workforce once you’ve left, and that was why I would never have given up work totally. I did manage to reduce my days of work a bit when DC was young.

Absolutely this. Those years will go and you can't get them back. And even if you didn't miss your kids, its no joke working full time hours then dealing with tired kids in the evening. If you think you can make it work, go for it x

Haven't read the full thread but I did a very similar thing. I went from a head office admin role back to the shop floor after my kids were born. I've gradually increased my hours and have actually got a position doing 9am to 2pm in one of the small supermarkets. I've also taken on some supervisor responsilities. I know all the pros and cons and don't regret it at all. To be honest, I think retail management would be fairly easy to get back into later.

I didn’t go back to work after my first…meant to be a year, ended up being 6 and I changed fields by the time I went back. We weren’t married when I stopped working, got married during Covid mostly as I was worried about the NOK situation if one of us got really ill. Once the wee one was 3 and in nursery I started getting bored so did another degree, which was helpful in plugging the career gap. When I went back to work I went part-time (25h) working flexibly and from home (I work in data analysis). We then had our 2nd, I took a year off (mix of full pay, SMP and no pay) and went back on 20h. We’re not rich, need to budget, go on very short holiday once a year, have a small house but we’re there for the kids and they don’t need to be in childcare (and still have a lot of experiences). Pensions are in fine place as we’re both public sector (and once kids are older and don’t need us as much we’ll rejig again cause we’ll both get bored). All this to say - you can make it work if that’s what works for all of you as a family and there are jobs out there that are flexible on entry.

Get a grip. I didn't say life's a Disney movie and nothing can go wrong. What I did say was focus on you and your family and what works for you all, meaning don't be swayed by people's opinions as everyone is different. My comment comes from a place of support for OPs decision whatever that is.

Absolutely, pt is best of both worlds. We became parents much later in life than anticipated so it was consensual I would go back 3 days a week for the first couple of years. Xx

My friend does this with 2 young DC and it works well for her.

By secondary age it should be easy enough to increase to full time hours and work on building up your pension.

The assets seem to be OPs at this stage in the relationship, so can’t see the huge rush to marriage or that OP has anything to gain in the short term.

Her DP has more to gain if they marry and split as he has no property and very little pension anyway.

It’s about even right now - OP says there’s 20k equity and 1-2k in her pension. He has around 25k in his pension. That gap will only increase though.

Why not outside marriage?

@Karma1387as long as you feel you can provide for your children, including sending them to uni, and will not have to resort to state benefits, then go ahead and work part time in a minimum wage job.

You think all working parents want to miss their children nativity etc?

If you honestly feel you can afford to give your kids the life you want for them with you working 2 days a week in what you call a basic job and your husband working the job he does - then why do other people’s opinion matter?

Thank you for the reply. I will be honest I haven't thought about university. I suppose with partners income likely to continue to increase we probably do need a plan for it.

I meant no offence about working parents missing things. I know some dont and some have to as its what they have to do to keep their kids with a roof over their head.

I guess other peoples opinions matter as getting other points of view helps to consider if its the right decision.

If you become a SAHM, what are your plans once your DC’s are in full time school?

I woukd like to stay doing my 2 days retail part time until the kids are at least old enough to be able to get to school on their own, be left at home for a bit if needed and not need me off work for general illnesses. So likely I would stay doing the 2 days until they were all 13ish maybe. I could then possibly reevaluate things.

I would choose time with my children every time (as long as the bills can be paid, obviously). But appreciate that doesn't suit everyone and not everyone enjoys being at home with young children.

I loved it and went back part time when the youngest started at infants school.

Is the main reason you don't want to work more hours because your partner does nothing at home due to his demanding job? I can see that it would be very hard to work more in that case. Staying at home until kids are 13 is quite extreme. That's a long time. I hope he's paying into a pension for you.

No not at all. I want to have the time with my kids. I have absolutely no issues with my partner not doing as much.

We dont have the spare money at the moment for him to pay into my pension but once we have moved and cleared the debt I will increase my contributions.

13 may be a tad extreme. Possibly I could review things when they start secondary school if the kids are comfortable on their own.

Ive gone back to workimg 3 days per week after having kids. They are now 5 and 3. I might go up to 4 days once the youngest is settled at school in Sept 2027. I could really use the time to sort family admin and house etc on my day off so we can all spend the weekend together.
I am married though.

I have a friend who is currently going through a nasty split, two kids, house, shes had 2 years mat leave and part time working amd he is not willing giving her a penny over the % she put into the house