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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not go back to full time work

256 replies

Karma1387 · 20/12/2025 19:19

Just looking for some advise on if I would be silly/unreasonable to not return to full time work post kids.

For a bit of background I currently have a toddler and due baby number 2 soon. I left my retail management job after finishing maternity leave with DC 1 and I have just worked 2 days a week as a shop assistant for the last year and now currently on maternity leave before DC2 comes in a few months.

My partner earns around 50k although this may decrease slightly in the next 2 years as we are moving areas and he may come off nights.

I have no desire to go back to a management career as I don't want to lose out on the time with my kids or the stress. I looked at what I would earn full time minimum wage in a full time job (as well as pension contributions) which would be a bring home of around 19500 and £75 a month into my pension.

However the cost of wrap around childcare (if we only had 2 children) as well as holiday clubs would cost around £10500 (based on current costs who knows in 2-4 years when kids start school.

Personally as someone who doesn't want to move up the career ladder would I be better off just staying as a basic shop worker 2 days a week and having more time with my kids?

OP posts:

Original poster

Karma1387 · 23/12/2025 20:02

Truetoself · 23/12/2025 19:53

Do you have family money or something? Or are your outgoing very low? i am pleased to hear that on an income of £70K a year, you can be mortgage free when you are in your 50’s. I guess it depends on the cost of your house.

Based on everything you said, I don’t think there is a lot to be gained by you working more. Sounds as though you are able to give your kids everything they need (rather than want).

to the high earner PP who said she has full flexibility as she is senior in her career - this is something I try to tell YP who are trying to go into a career such as in Medicine or when the career is appointment or schedule based. Unfortunately most YP don’t get it. The point being not all careers offer the same flexibility irrespective of seniority.

@Karma1387the only other thing I would double check with it to ensure your DP is 10% on board with the plan and doesn’t resent being the pressure of working outside the home and being the main breadwinner.

No family money at all. Our outgoings are reasonably low. The area we are planning on moving to is only 200-250k for a 3-4 bed semi or detached house. My partner has a car on lease so that is expensive but our mortgage will be under 1k a month. We will have a loan of about 386 a month when we move. The rest of our expenses are just food, savings and subscriptions so we should 100% be able to pay off the mortgage in max 20 years. Sooner if we put his annual bonus on it plus his likely promotion in that time.

At the moment he is 100% on board as he knows I wont work full time whilst the kids are super young. Things could change as they get older but thats something we can discuss. I wouldn't ever do it if he wasnt happy with the situation, so if things change in his opinion eventually we will reevalute things.

OP posts:

OneLilacCrow · 24/12/2025 08:45

You talk about the ‘generous benefit system’ for single parents whilst forgetting that it is the tax payer who pays for it.I can’t improve my earnings as I am retired and I have lost the winter fuel allowance for pensioners this year. I am really angered by people who think they can just stay at home and let the state foot the bill.

Thuraya17 · 26/12/2025 15:54

Karma1387 · 20/12/2025 19:19

Just looking for some advise on if I would be silly/unreasonable to not return to full time work post kids.

My partner earns around 50k although this may decrease slightly in the next 2 years as we are moving areas and he may come off nights.

However the cost of wrap around childcare (if we only had 2 children) as well as holiday clubs would cost around £10500 (based on current costs who knows in 2-4 years when kids start school.

Personally as someone who doesn't want to move up the career ladder would I be better off just staying as a basic shop worker 2 days a week and having more time with my kids?

Is this even a question? If you won’t be better off financially why would you do it?

Parker231 · 26/12/2025 16:46

Thuraya17 · 26/12/2025 15:54

Is this even a question? If you won’t be better off financially why would you do it?

Show quote history

I financially didn’t need to return to work but chose to go back full time after six months maternity leave. Continuing to progress in my career was important.

blueshoes · 26/12/2025 20:33

Parker231 · 26/12/2025 16:46

I financially didn’t need to return to work but chose to go back full time after six months maternity leave. Continuing to progress in my career was important.

Show quote history

Agree, as is continuing to build up pension contributions which compound over time. And maintaining an identity and worldview outside of being a wife and mother.

OlPennyRadford · 23/01/2026 00:59

A shame to read a thread about potentially the most exciting next steps in your life jump straight to divorce and death!
Absolutely, work part-time if the sums add up for you both, and it sounds like your priority is family over work, which is perfectly valid despite much of what i've just read. I imagine you would continue to do 1 or 2 days when the children are young (in my estimation the next 5 years or so) then you can always return to more hours. Best of luck however you decide to go ahead

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