To not go back to full time work

[Karma1387]

Just looking for some advise on if I would be silly/unreasonable to not return to full time work post kids.

For a bit of background I currently have a toddler and due baby number 2 soon. I left my retail management job after finishing maternity leave with DC 1 and I have just worked 2 days a week as a shop assistant for the last year and now currently on maternity leave before DC2 comes in a few months.

My partner earns around 50k although this may decrease slightly in the next 2 years as we are moving areas and he may come off nights.

I have no desire to go back to a management career as I don't want to lose out on the time with my kids or the stress. I looked at what I would earn full time minimum wage in a full time job (as well as pension contributions) which would be a bring home of around 19500 and £75 a month into my pension.

However the cost of wrap around childcare (if we only had 2 children) as well as holiday clubs would cost around £10500 (based on current costs who knows in 2-4 years when kids start school.

Personally as someone who doesn't want to move up the career ladder would I be better off just staying as a basic shop worker 2 days a week and having more time with my kids?

TBH in that case, I would probably prioritise getting him into a career that didn't involve working weekends, even if it involves you working more

I mean it's not so bad when kids are pre school age, as I assume he gets time off during the week instead? But when they are school age, he will barely see them

No neither of us are protected I agree. Although my will states the house would go to my partner if I died.

We do need to sort getting married although that wasn't the intention of my post.

Unfortunately my partner loves his retail career which involves working weekends. I am fully supportive of his career as I know how important it is to him. But it is one of the reasons I would like to be around more for our kids so they have someone able to give them the time they need. I would feel extremely guilty if they hardly saw their dad and I also had no time for them.

Ah that's a shame for your kids that he feels that way

Wow that is awful. I am so sorry that happened to you!

It is a little bit but he isn't someone who would enjoy working in a normal office 9-5 job. I wouldn't want him to do a job that made him unhappy.

There is a possibility he could move onto days at some point which would possibly give him 1 weekend day but it comes with non fixed shifts and a pay cut.

It can happen to anybody. Appreciate that mine was particularly cunty In divorce, but you would never have looked at him and thought he would behave in that manner. Anyone who met him would lament about what a nice man he was.
Still to this day, nobody thinks he’s done nothing wrong.
I just say to my daughters and so to you protect the roof over your head at all costs.

I worked (full time and part time) and never missed a sports day or assembly. There are flexible jobs out there.

There is I am sure but you aren't guaranteed it especially when starting from the bottom.

It would also still involve breakfast and afterschool clubs and holiday clubs which makes me feel a bit sad for my kids. The idea of my 5 year old being at school from 7.30-6 5 days a week and then 9 weeks of the holiday when I could be at home but am choosing to chase a career doing something I may not enjoy instead.

So you need to work more, not a minimum wage job so he can have time at home with the kids.

You take about taking them to clubs when they're older but this will cost money.

You own your own home. Will you be protecting your equity? Does your Will leave your home to your CHILDREN and not your DP? It could be a trust so he can live there. If not and you've left to him what's to stop him meeting someone new and them inheriting everything and not your DC.

You sound really naive and too trusting.

You both need to find more suitable jobs too.

I haven’t read the updates since this reply (will do though) but I just wanted to reply to this.

I qualified as a solicitor at 25 and then had my first baby at 28. Before having a baby I was very career focused. After having DD I honestly couldn’t have cared less if I ever worked again. All I wanted to do was be with my baby! I decided to return 3 days a week but I WFH and my DH works nights so DD was always at home being looked after by one of us.

I had my second DC recently and plan to return to work full time, but will still be WFH. DC1 is now almost 3 and will start nursery two mornings per week soon. I’m passionate about my career again, and want to earn for our family so that we can enjoy holidays, save house deposits for them etc.

All of this is basically to say that there are careers and employers out there which enable you to WFH and work flexible hours so that you don’t have to make harsh sacrifices and you can still earn a good living! You might find that as your babies grow older, you become interested in other things again.

My partner does not want to change his job. He may eventually move onto days which might give him 1 weekend day a week but at the moment whilst the kids aren't at school age he gets 1 weekday with them so at the moment his current job works fine for us.

Clubs do cost money as even with my working part time we can afford a couple of clubs each.

My house will be left to my partner if something happened to me. Its only about 20k equity and we will be getting married at some point.

Work from home is possible potentially when they are all at school age and if I found something that would hire me from home without the experience. But how do you juggle if your hours are still 9-5 surely you still have to use after school clubs etc?

Put its something we could look at further down the line.

Well to settle the marriage issue I have looked at the registry office and currently nothing available for 2026 but their simple ceremony is available from the summer so we will sort something for then.

I think best for children is two involved parents but if your DP is so unwilling to make compromises be an involved parent, I can see it makes sense for you to work less and pick up the slack for him.

I do think you are making a lot of assumptions which may turn out to be wrong about how your kids will feel about clubs. Mine honestly would much rather do some wraparound and holiday clubs than be at home with me all the time. I realise it's hard to see that when your kids are very young - babies and toddlers of course love being with a parent all the time but school age children vary much more in this

I agree on the clubs - DT’s did breakfast, after school and holiday clubs - they hated if we collected them early and interrupted their games with friends.
Same with nursery - even as babies they got excited each morning when they saw their key worker.

I wouldn't ask him to give up his job to do something he doesn't enjoy for less money. I believe its important to show our kids its good to do something you enjoy.

I personally hated being in before/ afterschool and holiday clubs. They were so boring. They are also bloody expensive. But of course once the kids are older they may say they want to go to them in which case we would have to review things.

Oh my DC love nursery although he only goes for his 22 hours. Equally he is very very happy to come home at the end and we also have 3 hours each morning and 5 plus hours every evening plus 4 whole days together. This would be very different if they were at school 7.30-6 5 days a week because I worked full time.

Nursery is also free whereas before and afterschool clubs are not.

I agree, it is just a pity for your children that what he enjoys isn't being with them. When they get to school age, working every weekend will mean he misses out on a lot.

You just need to keep an open mind about these things. Your kids may feel very differently to you.

Of course. Luckily we have another 3 years until that point so hopefully he can move into a daytime role with 1 weekend day off.

Yes it certainly does from a financial point of view always better to be married you zero rights as things stand .he has a big pension or wins the lottery say .you as his girlfriend and unfortunately that's all you are in the eyes of the law .would be entitled to nothing. If house in his name another massive risk

Yes it certainly does from a financial point of view always better to be married you zero rights as things stand .he has a big pension or wins the lottery say .you as his girlfriend and unfortunately that's all you are in the eyes of the law .would be entitled to nothing. If house in his name another massive risk

House is in my name. I have had a look and we can get married over the summer so we can get that dealt with. Then its more about the part time working not the marriage.

I don’t work 9-5, I have to average 7.4 hours per day on any working day but it doesn’t matter when I do those hours. I could get up with the kids, drop them at school, then log on. DH can do school pick up. We won’t need wrap around care but it would come in handy on certain days possibly.

Is that as an entry level job? I know when I have looked before most work from home jobs require experience in office environment and administration. I imagine finding an entry level which offers such good flexibilty is hard to come by.

Also where do you work if you don't have a spare room or dining room?