To not go back to full time work

[Karma1387]

Just looking for some advise on if I would be silly/unreasonable to not return to full time work post kids.

For a bit of background I currently have a toddler and due baby number 2 soon. I left my retail management job after finishing maternity leave with DC 1 and I have just worked 2 days a week as a shop assistant for the last year and now currently on maternity leave before DC2 comes in a few months.

My partner earns around 50k although this may decrease slightly in the next 2 years as we are moving areas and he may come off nights.

I have no desire to go back to a management career as I don't want to lose out on the time with my kids or the stress. I looked at what I would earn full time minimum wage in a full time job (as well as pension contributions) which would be a bring home of around 19500 and £75 a month into my pension.

However the cost of wrap around childcare (if we only had 2 children) as well as holiday clubs would cost around £10500 (based on current costs who knows in 2-4 years when kids start school.

Personally as someone who doesn't want to move up the career ladder would I be better off just staying as a basic shop worker 2 days a week and having more time with my kids?

Definitely not unless you get married. There is a massive difference if you split and are married or not. You have no financial protection if you’re not married. Either get married or keep the protection of a decent job.

I mean when we move we will have around £1100 spare per month and that is still with a loan payment and around 11k as an emergency fund. I personally don't think thats too bad for 1 full time and 1 part time worker.

We will be able to put a bit away for the kids monthly plus a holiday every year, plenty for christmas and birthdays and a bit extra on mortgage each month.

Of course if I earnt more we could have more holidays etc but I'm just not sure its worth it if we don't get a lot of time together.

We will get married probably the summer 2026.

Why dont you both do 4 days a week?

My partners job doesn't have this option. I possibly could go find a job which offered 4 days a week but I would be earning £400 a month more for working 2 extra days... plus lets say £440 a month for 4 days of childcare. So id be working 2 extra days for -£40 a month. Then not including the holiday childcare I would have to pay for.

Mine is 17, I still only work 30h. I have no intention to ever work full time again.
Shoot me!

Get married and work to maintain some financial independence + work opportunities in the future. You’re very naive if you think it’s impossible for things to go wrong and that the previous aren’t essential in your situation.

We will sort getting married later in 2026 and I am still working 2 days a week even if its only as a shop assistant it keeps my foot in the door.

You keep banging on about your partner's pension - why are you not concerned about building your own pension pot? Contributing equally to any future mortgage? Maybe even saving for your children's university education?

You have debt and children. I would suggest you need to get back to full-time work asap.

You have clearly made your mind up.

I have savings accounts for DC to save for their future.

Why would I prioritise working full time and contributing 'equally to the mortgage' if my partner doesn't have an issue with this. When I could prioritise my children and actually being there for them.

I don't need a huge pension. I aim to be mortgage free by the time I am 45-50. My monthly outgoings will be minimal by the time I retire. Once the debt has gone I will put a bit more into my pension.

Literally the only reasons on this entire thread for why I shouldn't stay part time is because I'm not married (which will be sorted next year' and because I should prioritise my pension over my kids. Neither of those seem like good reasons to miss out on my kids childhood.

I have another 40 years before I hit retirement age. I think giving up 10-15 of those to be there fully for my kids is worth it when the only loss is my pension.

Honestly this thread has helped me make it. Nobody has actually made any good reason for why I shouldn't be there fully for my kids except for a pension.

Ok.

The thing is it’s possible to do both. I appreciate I’m fortunate in my career choice but I am a high earner and have full flexibility so can be there for every sports day etc (my 2 are in primary school). I earn well, have built a good career (and pension), am around with the children and can always support them in future with university, house deposit. Building a career gives you more flexibility, although I appreciate that may not be so in retail.

Oh yeah im sure if I had gone down a different career path I would have been in the situation where I possibly would have had more flexability.

Unfortunately that isn't the case in retail and starting at the bottom in another career would mean not gaining the level of flexability I want until the kids are older so doesn't work now unfortunately.

The early years of paying into a pension are so much more important than the later ones because of compounding.

So many people say 'next year' about marriage and saving but next year is like tomorrow. It never comes because kids and life end up being far more expensive than planned.

I hope it works out for you.

The marriage will be like £400 so thats not a concern about that not happening next year.

I appreciate what you are saying about compounding for pensions. I will lool at our finances and see if we can add a bit more to it each month.

In many careers, people don't gain seniority and flexibility until the kids are closer to teenagers or older. It is a question of whether you are prepared to do the hard yards now or postpone it till later. Many parents find they become indispensable when the children are older as their problems become more complex (emotional, SEN, relationships, academics, career choices) that only a parent can help resolve. No nanny can even hope to touch those issues.

It is easy when the dcs are younger as any kind carer can soothe a scuffed knee.

I understand your not wanting to miss their childhood. But that is arguably more for your benefit. The real benefit for your dcs is for you to build up your career when they are young so that you come into seniority and flexibility and be around for them when they need you the most.

In addition, don't underestimate the leg up that financial support you have the option of providing for their university/maintenance and house deposit. It is now an inheritocracy and those dcs with the Bank of Mum and Dad to help them will pull away from the rest of their peers in ways which are very unfair and lead to generational advantages.

I realise my post has come out harsher than I expected. Just a message from someone with older kids.

Not harsh at all dont worry.

I guess financially we could afford for me to not work more than part time until the kids are adults. We already have a savings account so they have a leg up for either university or house deposits (my son actually has more savings than us currently and hes not even 2)

But I can always keep an eye over the next few years to see if anything comes up which appeals and works for us.

Nothing wrong with that plan with young children but there is absolutely no need to be hanging around the house 3 days a week with older children until they turn 12/13.

I didn't think kids were meant to be left alone until 13?

You wouldn’t be unreasonable - but I would honestly get married ASAP. More for the security than anything else as you want to be covered just in case the worst happens and you’re only working PT. I worked until we got married and then gave it up. FWIW, I loved being at home for my eldest even when he was old enough to be by himself. I didnt find myself rattling around the house or anything

DT’s got the tube to school and back on their own from age 11. Although they did lots of after school activities, sometimes they were home before DH and I. Wasn’t a problem - they helped themselves to a snack and we had dinner together when we were all home.

Interesting to know. Possibly means I could go back to work full time in 11-12 years depending on if we have another baby or not.

Do you have family money or something? Or are your outgoing very low? i am pleased to hear that on an income of £70K a year, you can be mortgage free when you are in your 50’s. I guess it depends on the cost of your house.

Based on everything you said, I don’t think there is a lot to be gained by you working more. Sounds as though you are able to give your kids everything they need (rather than want).

to the high earner PP who said she has full flexibility as she is senior in her career - this is something I try to tell YP who are trying to go into a career such as in Medicine or when the career is appointment or schedule based. Unfortunately most YP don’t get it. The point being not all careers offer the same flexibility irrespective of seniority.

@Karma1387the only other thing I would double check with it to ensure your DP is 10% on board with the plan and doesn’t resent being the pressure of working outside the home and being the main breadwinner.