To not go back to full time work

[Karma1387]

Just looking for some advise on if I would be silly/unreasonable to not return to full time work post kids.

For a bit of background I currently have a toddler and due baby number 2 soon. I left my retail management job after finishing maternity leave with DC 1 and I have just worked 2 days a week as a shop assistant for the last year and now currently on maternity leave before DC2 comes in a few months.

My partner earns around 50k although this may decrease slightly in the next 2 years as we are moving areas and he may come off nights.

I have no desire to go back to a management career as I don't want to lose out on the time with my kids or the stress. I looked at what I would earn full time minimum wage in a full time job (as well as pension contributions) which would be a bring home of around 19500 and £75 a month into my pension.

However the cost of wrap around childcare (if we only had 2 children) as well as holiday clubs would cost around £10500 (based on current costs who knows in 2-4 years when kids start school.

Personally as someone who doesn't want to move up the career ladder would I be better off just staying as a basic shop worker 2 days a week and having more time with my kids?

Secondary age?

What will you do then?

I have a five year old and a two and a half year old. I work two days a week and it is two days too many. YANBU. I will never go back to full time again!

I'm 28. If I worked full time my pension contribution would only be £75. My partner only contributed around £175 a month for his pension currently (hence not overly rushed about marriage as there isnt really anything in it to take if we did split.

Unfortunately at the moment we cant afford to increase our contributions. My hope is in the next few years once we have moved and paid off some debt we can increase it.

Just a few things I’d like to do and currently don’t have time for.

Read. Reading was once a huge part of my life; I miss it.
Develop interests, eg visit museums, galleries
Commit to a regular exercise programme
Keep the house clean, clutter free and tidy
Garden. We are very lucky to have a lot of land attached to our house but we don’t currently do much with it. When our children are older, I’d like a pond.
Volunteer; I’d like to help our local family support
I am a school governor so can help there more

I probably wouldn’t be able to do all the above even part time, but I’m listing them to illustrate I personally wouldn’t have any problems filling time; the opposite in fact.

Either I would stay part time so I cant be there for my kids or I would go find a basic job if I felt my kids didn't need me as much.

Image earning more and paying debt off sooner and increasing your pension pot?

Have you got savings? You need to be able to cover a few months should DP get suddenly ill and unable to work.

It would terrify me not working, not having my independence and completely relying on DP especially when not married. He could be hit by a bus, decide a relationship with kids isn't for him or fall ill and be unable to work.

Whilst you've got funded hours surely you'd take the time to work? And then when DC are at school you can work almost full time, few days mid-week and a shift or two over the weekend when DP can have the kids.

Do you both own the house or is it just in his name?

I started working part-time when I had my DD and it works really well. Children are only little for a few short years. If you can afford it, go for it. Once your children get older you can always increase your hours again to put more into your pension if you need to.

About the pensions, I'd maybe work more so I could put more into mine. Or pay debts off quicker, have something to invest etc.
Not necessarily full time but more than 2 days a week.
I worked part time until my younger child was 4. When I was doing 4 days a week, the difference in pay was negligible compared to full time. 3 days was much less take home pay, but I would have struggled to do more work at that time.

Over the full 51 weeks its only 22 hours so it doesn't really allow for full time and we both also work nights (i work the 2 he doesnt) so I can't pick up more shifts.

Finding retail hours between 9-3 is very hard and i'd also have to work 3 daytime 9-3 shifts to earn what I do on nights. Then if i worked another 2 9-3 shifts id be paying full price childcare so wouldnt be earning anything extra.

The house is actually mine not his currently. This will change when we move areas and buy jointly.

If once we move and all kids were at school I could possibly look for a 9-2.30 job 5 days a week to up income a little bit but im very aware something like that is probably similar to winning the lottery!

Once I pointed out the cost of childcare he came on board! It was a bit of a shock to us both how expensive after school clubs and holiday clubs are.

Initially he was going to support me moving into a different professional career to earn a good wage but he understands I value the time with the kids more than a well paying job.

If we split i would have to reevaluate (although it would still be the same issue of childcare costs outstripping extra income earned) but thats something I would have to deal with if that happened as I am sure many women do.

Pensions and long term stability are sort of on hold whilst I am on maternity and we are clearing some debt and looking to move areas. After that and we have more spare income we will look at increasing pension contributions and paying mortgage quicker.

Why are you so keen to do a 'basic' job? Will you not be bored? I can't get my head round someone who is capable of more being happy doing less.

Also, is your partner on board with you throwing away your career and ambition? I have a friend who did this, she became a mum and a housewife and her husband quickly got frustrated with her lack of get up and go, her drive and diversity of conversation (which is inevitable when you're focus is on the home and parenting). They were divorced before her eldest was 4. He didn't leave her for another woman and he wasn't the stereotypical absent father. When he met her they were both young, ambitious and excited about their careers but when she threw it all away, he was just thoroughly frustrated and bored of her. It's a big risk for a relationship.

I would spend the time with your kids, they are only little once. I did and I don't regret it, despite the fact that I ended up leaving my marriage and I'd been out of my field too long to realistically get back in. But it all worked out OK, I retrained and now have a full time job in a new field that I like and also remarried. The 'kids' are now 18 and 21 and both at university and I'm glad I was there for them when they were young, despite the financial and career sacrifice. You never know what the future holds, think of what is best for today.

I've worked PT for 8 years since I had my first kid. I've really enjoyed being with the kids more and it was the right decision for me.

But I'd has come at a cost to my personal finances and career. I'm still in a professional job and earn ok but my progression has been slower, my earning power is less and ultimately I have less in my pension and personal savings. I wouldnt have entertained this unless I was married though.

i can’t understand a mentality where you have zero drive to train or improve your skills in anyway for those 15–20 years.

it doesn’t have to be when they’re tiny, or be full time, but at some stage surely you can commit to a training progression that benefits your household income and brings some balance to your life?

Some people are at capacity with two children to look after and a house.
Some of the parents at my kids schools were literally performing brain surgery in the afternoon whilst I was at the gym others were presenting a board level. Personally, I had enough going on in my life with the children.
And jumped back in when I was ready
There’s no right or wrong answer

I should add in and I had absolutely no family support whatsoever and was working 36524 seven.
Including the father of the children.

Everybody’s experience of motherhood is different

I was in a similar position to you OP. The main reason I married my dh was because we had dc1 and I got so much advice/read so many threads on here about how vital it is to protect ourselves and our children.

DH is a higher earner, so after dc2 I gave up my p/t job and was a SAHM for five years. Kids are now teenagers and I have zero regrets about it (apart from maybe all the time I felt guilty for not earning money, but that's the capitalist society we live in). I did win the lottery when dc2 was 5 as found a p/t school-hours term-time job NOT in a school, in the small town we live in. I started off volunteering there.

Now both of my dc are at secondary school I've decided I still won't ever go back f/t. We have a comfortable life, mortgage paid off a couple of years ago (we're in our early/mid 40s), I work p/t school hours so am here and relaxed before/after school so I can support my children and husband. We are all happy with that.

You have to do what feels right for you. And get married! Best of luck with dc2 when they arrive 😊

It’s perfectly valid to only work part time or not work at all if that’s what you decide is best for your family.

I think your maths is wrong. Full-time minimum wage is about £25K a year plus employer pension contribution (minimum 3% or c.£750 a year). If your employee pension contribution is 4% or about £1,000 a year your take home pay is £21K. You would also receive funded childcare so it should be less expensive than your estimate. A lot of women only work the amount covered by the 30 hours funded childcare.

A full-time managerial role would obviously have a much higher salary. If/when you return full-time (maybe when your children reach school age) that would make more sense.

I completely understand wanting to maximise your time with the kids when they are young. I also appreciate that you don’t have any career ambitions. Have you always felt that way, or is that only since you’ve had children?

The reality of the situation is that it’s simply not a good idea to plan to work 2 days a week in a minimum wage job until your children are grown up. Especially if you are unmarried and your partner isn’t a high earner. You are in debt and cannot afford to make decent pension contributions as it is! The idea that you might return to full time work when you’re pushing 50 is unrealistic.

If I was in your shoes I would plan to work part time until the youngest is in primary, then up your hours. You could be using your time flexibly when working part time to study at an open university or something, so that when the kids are in school, you are in a position to increase your earning capacity. Also, get married.

It is incredibly short sighted to not focus on improving your pension.

Thank you for your input. It is interesting to hear different thoughts on it.

Honestly going from retail management to just a shop assistant was a hard pill to swallow but a mixture of relocation after DS1, not being able to commit to the hours required especially with partner also working retail management and also not wanting to be workong 45 plus hours a week various shift patterns not seeing my son a lot made the decision for me that whatever happened next I couldn't stay in that career.

We had discussed me retraining and going into something different but honestly the idea of putting my kids into full time nursery, and then before and afterschool clubs as well as holiday clubs once they are school age it just became clear the idea of doing a job I'm not particularily interested in for the sake of 'more money' just didnt seem worth it at the expense of time with my kids.

Me and my partner of course miss being able to discuss work especially as we worked in the same area of retail but he understands why I'm not keen to retrain into a different career and climb the ladder at the expense of time with the kids. It also means he doesn't have to worry about kid sick days etc and can focus on his career so I see that as a positive for him.

The hardest thing for us both at the moment is the fact I work the 2 nights he doesnt so we don't see eachother but this wouldn't improve if I went to a non retail job as he works all weekend so we would still not really see eachother. But I am hoping to eventually find a daytime part time retail job that doesnt include at least 1 of his working days.

Pretty much same here!

Actually when I met my partner I went from a shop assistant to a small shop store manager in less than a year so no I was working my way up prior to getting pregnant.

We will get married probably next year or once I'm back at work. The debt will be gone in a couple of years so that will open up a bit to increase pension contributions. As for retraining, I could and my partner would support that but honestly the idea of dropping my kids off at breakfast club at 7.30 and not picking up until 6pm 5 days a week and having to put them in holiday clubs just doesn't seem worth it. More money but no time to make use of any of it.

But thats why I have asked the question of people as perhaps other parents think having the kids in schools/after school clubs 11 hours a day and not having the holidays off etc is worth it for the money? Maybe I'm looking at things the wrong way. It just seems sad to me only seeing my kids for 2-4 hours a day and weekends. I obviously appreciate its a very privilaged position to not have to work full time to keep a roof over my kids heads which I think is why I dont want to waste the opportunity if I have it to be with my kids.

Fine if you don’t then intend to claim your career suffered due to having children to support his and then expect to waltz off with more equity and pensions if you split

personally I think women should be self sufficient financially and not rely on their husbands / partners - not working until they are grown up I think is self entitled when your partner only earns £50k. Could maybe understand it if he earned £500k but Teenagers don’t need a parent sat at home 6 hour a day

If minimum wage is 12.21 and most jobs at 35 hours (8 hour days 1 hour break) over 52 weeks a year is just over 22k.

I get the funded childcare at the moment which is helpful for sleeping before/after shifts plus my little boy loves it. And the funded hours over the full year is only like 22 hours so I would only be in the position to work 4 hours more than I do currently without it costing more for childcare so I wouldn't consider it worth anymore whilst kids are at nursery.

In theory I could move to a different managerial job (I am from retail management background) but would likely have to start at the bottom and hoenstly I don't think I would want the stress of a managerial job with kids.

But thank you for your viewpoint its give a different opinion for us to consider.