My parents are obsessed with illness

[Porrrly]

Has anyone else’s parents become obsessed with illness and disease?

In the years since turning 60, both of my parents have become obsessed with illness, disease and health. They are continuously paranoid about catching anything, to the extent they will avoid meeting up with family members for a 2 week minimum isolation period to ensure all ‘contagious’ disease is gone. This is incredibly difficult as myself and my brother have little children at school and nursery, so they almost always have some sort of cold.

Additionally, they are constantly googling symptoms and will become sure they are having a stroke / heart attack / cancer and are constantly either at the GP or are at A&E. Even when they are told they don’t have such and such an illness, they will then demand to see NHS consultants or will pay thousands privately to see doctors and specialists.

They cancel plans and meet ups at the last minute, sometimes they just don’t turn up and they don’t even bother telling me at all, until I phone them or speak to my brother and find out they are in A&E again because my dad thinks he’s having a heart attack.

They also wear masks everywhere and are obsessive about hand sanitising.

They’ve now said they aren’t sure about coming for Christmas as my youngest daughter, who is 3, has a cold and they are convinced it might be the new strain of super flu. I’ve already paid for everything and told DH’s family they can’t come as it’s my parents turn this year, so it’s especially maddening.

Is this just a normal part of aging and everyone’s parents get to this stage or is something else going on?

I'm 70 and don't have any of this.

I could fall off my perch tomorrow.

Life is for enjoying!

Sorry you're going through this OP, try and take a step back for your own mental health.

Same age, not normal at all!! Agree you become aware of time and how precious it is but the health obsession is not normal and must really rob you of enjoying life??

It's sensible to wear a mask in public and carry sanitizer. Also sensible to avoid anyone with cold symptoms.
What we actually need is for schools to put in place some mitigations so that they're not such super spreading environments, then this wouldn't happen so much (I am talking ventilation/air filtration and stopping the insane pressure to send sick children into school).
The other stuff seems a bit OTT.
I would just go ahead without them or arrange something outdoors with them once your little one is better.
Hope you have a lovely Christmas 🎄

I'm 75, and I share some of your MIL's concerns and have made sure my will is in order. My first husband died at 54 and my second is now 83. This doesn't strike me as obsessive but as quite rational if you have concerns about how your estate is distributed after you die - because die you will, and at our age we can't bank on having more than another one or two decades. Time goes very fast when you get older.

Your parents, though, sound over-anxious, although if we get ill at our age, it takes longer to get better. I had flu last month (tested and diagnosed as flu A) and wound up in hospital for a weekend with pneumonia and on oxygen. Something like that has never happened to me before with flu and it took me a couple of weeks to feel OK again whereas in the past I would have bounced back within a couple of days.

While they sound over-anxious, I think maybe you are not fully understanding the consequences of aging.

This is part of standard conversation with people over a certain age. I would imagine the constant googling is also common.

The issue of them constantly being at their GP's and A&E is not normal. That needs to be addressed. Especially if they're being told there's nothing wrong with them by multiple sources.

Dr. Google can link everything to potentially cancerous...

They are totally ridiculous l know lots of people older than your parents who are not like that. They will make themselves unwell with their anxiety.

Probably too much time on their hands. I see a lot of people who retire early turn quite negative.

My parents are not like this, I would say it’s not normal. Though I popped to Tesco yesterday and most people over 60 were wearing masks 😬.

DH has become a bit like this, although he’s late 70’s, so he may not be wrong. He wants us to avoid all human contact in the run up to Christmas but is happy to have family over on Christmas Day providing they are well. He isn’t always at the GP though, quite the opposite, although he does talk to me about his ailments all. The. Time. fairly often. I have been quite unwell this year and am only recovering now (I’m early 60’s) so I think I share his concern a little more at the moment. We are both flu and Covid vaccinated, as is our son who lives at home, so I feel we have taken every precaution.

I am 81 and yes I know my time is limited now.I have blood cancer, and COPD.I have had two very close brushes with death in my life and consider myself very lucky.
But I do not dwell on these things if I did would go mad.I just wake up every morning and and give thanks to Our Lord that I am still alive then get on with my day.I think your parents are obsessed and it is spoiling not only their lives but yours as well if they are constantly reminding you about their mortality.
As for regularly visiting A&E they must be gluttons for punishment.My local A&E is hell on earth which is why I only go there when absolutely necessary i.e.when I struggle to breathe and need a nebuliser.
I think they need some sort of help to get them out of their way of thinking and hope they get it

Quite.
At 61, in my head I’m 30. I’ve no conditions, no medications and love life. After 30 years of raising our wonderful family, my husband and I have new found freedom to do whatever we feel like. It’s brilliant.
My husband is 67, has survived 6 conditions that generally kill most people. Still going strong.
We are both embracing the next 30 years, at least. And still look bloody fabulous, too 🤣

Your parents are not the norm if they are driving around Spain in their eighties.

Many do.

It sounds extreme but, having turned 50 a couple of years ago, I do find that seems to be some sort of milestone where medical stuff is in your face all the time. I've received two texts in the last month about screenings I'm due for, and I haven't had blood tests in a couple of years so they want to update that too. I do sometimes feel like there is a real focus on health put in front of me all the time from outside sources. It can be a bit unsettling. I deal with it by getting to these things in my own time to keep some sense of balance.

I've seen enough to know that you never know what is around the corner. I've lost people my age to sickness in the last decade. I make sure I live as full and healthy a life as I can, but am aware that things can change so suddenly. I feel like the monitoring pressure in the last couple of years doesn't help the sense of what could be just around the corner.

I know plenty of folk who will still be driving around Spain in their eighties rather than going on coach trips. Me included, I hope!

Have they become more like this since covid?

No this isn’t normal. My parents and in laws are all in their late 70’s and early 80’s and are not like this! In fact when I had flu a few months ago, they were coming round to look after me (despite being told not to!).
your parents sound like they have serious issues.

Neither of my parents behaved like yours OP. I will say that my lovely DF "enjoyed" ill health, in that when he had something wrong with him he talked about it a lot. My lovely DM rarely mentioned her health, other than her painful arthritis. I'm in my mid 60s and I'm not anything like your parents, nor are my older friends, but do have to say that as you get older your health, and the things which can go wrong, do enter your mind more than when you are young and invincible. However your parents are next level, and it's not normal at all.

Not everyone but some do - there are people who are like that when they are young, I've known a few. Every lump and bump is cancer, every cough is pneumonia, a headache is a brain tumour, a digestive upset is food poisoning, a sprain will automatically mean arthritis sets in, failing eyesight indicates imminent blindness when all that's needed is spectacles,

Gently chide them, take the mick a little bit and encourage them to enjoy life while they can. If that doesn't happen, let them know they are over the top, they are being unreasonable and it is getting you down.

i could have written this myself.

My parents both suffer from health anxiety and it’s awful. I also suffer myself from it too (because of it being around in my upbringing)

I’ve had therapy to help with it, and also so that I don’t pass it onto my own child.

It is completely debilitating when you’re suffering from it but they don’t have to live their lives this way.

My counsellor gave me some simple parameters to work within to help me to decide whether I needed medical advice or not.

When they have concerns about their own health can you steer them towards an online 111 assessment?

My parents contact their doctor over the tiniest little thing and it’s such a waste of time and resources.

After posting on this thread earlier about my mum I gave her a ring to arrange when I'm picking her up over Christmas .... the first thing she talks about is how she woke up this morning feeling as if she had come down with "flu" but how she "felt a bit better now".

Most people wouldn't find it necessary to immediately talk about their health but, even if they did, might have said they woke feeling a bit sniffly or under the weather ... but no, my mum woke up with the flu but felt a lot better a few hours later.

I’m in/near your parents’ age bracket. My DH similar and slightly older than me.

He’s always been so fit and healthy, can run for miles, flexible, strong,non drinker, non smoker. But once 60 was done he’s had 2 strokes. They were small, but significant and have made him very intense about his health, sleep, stress, diet etc.

I’m less angelic than DH. I like the odd glass of wine/ pack of crisps. But I’ve recently received a life-changing diagnosis which isn’t lifestyle related and is less scary than Dr Google’s input.

So I guess at our age health issues crop up with you and your friends, and do bring you face to face with your mortality.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still too young to retire and don’t want to be just home-based so I will brave public transport. But I will mask as I’m now more vulnerable.

Im not done with life, but I’m going to work hard to reach a fitness that will enable me to enjoy my retirement for a few years when it eventually comes.

I understand how difficult last minute cancellations are, but maybe cut DP a little slack. The anxiety isn’t fun.

Mum scheduled GP and specialists visits for school holidays. It’s not that she didn’t love GC, but really she didn’t know what to do with them and always seemed to have something ‘wrong’ going on.

she had been a sickly girl growing up, and I suspect it’s the road she continued to walk on.

Similar here but not as bad. A new trend is that we’re getting a lot of info that definitely falls into the TMI category. 🙄