My parents are obsessed with illness

[Porrrly]

Has anyone else’s parents become obsessed with illness and disease?

In the years since turning 60, both of my parents have become obsessed with illness, disease and health. They are continuously paranoid about catching anything, to the extent they will avoid meeting up with family members for a 2 week minimum isolation period to ensure all ‘contagious’ disease is gone. This is incredibly difficult as myself and my brother have little children at school and nursery, so they almost always have some sort of cold.

Additionally, they are constantly googling symptoms and will become sure they are having a stroke / heart attack / cancer and are constantly either at the GP or are at A&E. Even when they are told they don’t have such and such an illness, they will then demand to see NHS consultants or will pay thousands privately to see doctors and specialists.

They cancel plans and meet ups at the last minute, sometimes they just don’t turn up and they don’t even bother telling me at all, until I phone them or speak to my brother and find out they are in A&E again because my dad thinks he’s having a heart attack.

They also wear masks everywhere and are obsessive about hand sanitising.

They’ve now said they aren’t sure about coming for Christmas as my youngest daughter, who is 3, has a cold and they are convinced it might be the new strain of super flu. I’ve already paid for everything and told DH’s family they can’t come as it’s my parents turn this year, so it’s especially maddening.

Is this just a normal part of aging and everyone’s parents get to this stage or is something else going on?

No, I'm 73 and only visit the doctor if I absolutely have to

60 is not really very old - it’s working age and far from doddery. This is not normal at all.

My grandchildren were asked not to visit the week before my operation because surgeons said it would be cancelled if I caught something. Otherwise all the family avoid each other if we have a bug .

I have a Christmas card book, have had for years. When I wrote the cards out three friends had died this year. Leaving one widow and two widowers. I felt very sad.

My 73yr old mum can be very morbid about everything from illness to war, she is mentallt vulnerable and I count my blessings that age isn't tech savvy and in the internet or she'd be much worse. My mum is just recovering from flu and was sure she's die! When things were getting serious with COVID she would really shit us all.uo saying things like "it's ok, you are only in your 40's so they'll let you have a ventilator in hospital if you get it" 😳
My mum has been worse since my dad died but I think a huge part of her problem is that she's an introvert who just has too much time sat staring at 4 walls worrying! If any of her siblings get ill, she automatically thinks it's curtains!!
God I was at her once in late 21 and I got bloody pinged by the covid track and trace people because I'd been on an aeroplane around that and someone had tested positive on their return test! She nearly had a heart attack even though I assured her I was fine and had passed my COVID test!

Kindly suggest they both join a gym. There are 60 year old body builders down mine and while I'm not suggesting they go bikini pro, it would definitely help their health and give them an active focus

It’s ironic isn’t it; retire early to enjoy life but end up in a very small life worrying about the common cold.

It’s sad really. I agree with the other poster, they’d be better off getting part time jobs; their life is too small which is creating anxiety. They need to be productive and social.

My husbands parents got this badly after covid. So they were mid 60s then. Cancelled him coming for Christmas last minute one year in case he brought an illness from the train, loads of health anxiety around winter and Christmas in particular. His strepdad especially is bad, I think his mum just follows his anxious lead, but it's like he wants to live forever but isolated in his house not seeing any family or friends.

This is what several years of government fear mongering did to people, only so many times your told you will kill granny before granny gets scared. The fear of death made people too scared to live.

It’s not normal but it’s more common post pandemic. The government messaging and social media messed with a little of people’s heads and it’s not surprising some have become like your parents.

I'm sorry, OP that you are having to deal with this. As others have said it sounds as though your parents have real health anxieties going on. I'm 77, DH is 70, we both have quite a few (chronic, fairly serious) health issues, but we live life to the full, seeing friends, going out, helping with grandkids, volunteering, DH does some pt work etc. I think it's fair to say that we both talk about our health with friends but not excessively. You do begin to think about mortality at this stage, but trying to look outwards rather than in seems to be key, for us anyway. I wonder what you think might help them cope with these feelings? Good luck.

I am 62 in January, and have had cancer (followed by ops, chemo and radiotherapy) twice. Once when I was 40 and once when I was 51. And I still work full time, and go out to the theatre via public transport at least twice per month. I forget that I have multiples health issues and feel fine most of the time. Only when someone asks me specific questions and I have to answer that yes, yes and yes I have all those problems on a daily basis, do I realise I have some pretty hefty issues. In my humble opinion life is too short to worry about possible problems, just deal with stuff as it happens. Otherwise you don't live you just exist. I get a flu jab, and now Covid jab every time it is offered and then just get on with life. Your relatives are letting imagined problems get in their way.

I’m 57, I have problems with my health since menopause and it’s made me anxious. Then I had my gallbladder out and that caused faecal incontinence so that made my anxiety worse. You get into a vicious circle and because NHS waiting lists are so long you do turn to private healthcare to get answers. My dad also died from renal cell carcinoma within 6 weeks of being diagnosed. Basically went from healthy to dead so that’s caused a lot of my issues. Cancer never entered my head before. My mum after my dad became seriously ill with a brain tumour and died within 12 weeks of that diagnosis, so I was effectively ‘orphaned’ at 48. When you go in hospices it’s the other poorly people you see too. It can be quite traumatising.

I am on meds now for my apres gallbladder issues which is helping and starting to look at diet. I swim and walk regularly and I am a member of a gym. I still have a 22 year old at home who keeps me on my toes.

Every winter and summer, we get the Welsh press banging on about norovirus, bird flu, super flu, sepsis. Don't overwhelm your NHS. Patients dying in A&E. I'm sick to the back teeth with it.

I shall be 70 next year; my dad is 92, and in excellent health but with some dementia (tirelessly cared for at home by his second wife), and my DM died 15 months ago, suddenly, without illness, in her sleep at 89. Personally, I can be a bit cavalier.

But, my DH also nearing 70, had a major heart attack at 50, and was blue lighted to hospital this time last year, so I rather fall between the extremes. We have lots of friends who have needed medical treatment recently, aged between 65 and 75. Dwelling on the fears and downside is, IMO, probably the worst thing to do, but sometimes there is reason to be concerned. Very hard to distinguish between the two for most of us.

I'm 65 and have a weakened immune system, as does my husband, so we are both quite careful about our health and try to avoid 'catching' things, but not quite to that extent. When I was at the height of my illness though I wouldn't see anyone who was even mildly ill, or who came from a household with ill people in.

Is it possible they may have had a health scare? Or even that they are actually ill (or one of them is) and they haven't told you?

I have asthma and am receiving treatment for cancer (I'm past the acute treatment stage) and my DH has myasthenia gravis. Neither of us 'look' ill, but we are.

maybe not serious illness, but my dad's partner thinks that any scrap of cheese eaten instantly means you have high cholestoral. I had two packets of grated cheese in the fridge that my dad spotted and he thought I had high cholestoral just because he saw the packets of cheese in there. The packets of cheese were actually used sparingly and in small amounts, lasting me over three weeks, and I don't have high cholestoral at all. I just eat things like that in moderation.

I'm the same age as them, as are most of my friends. I work in a University, have DC at college and University and use public transport regularly so am exposed a lot to possible infections. I don't behave like this, and nor does anyone I know. Even friends with underlying health conditions who need to be a bit careful don't miss out on life to the extent your parents do to avoid illness. So no, this really isn't normal and they should probably see their GP about health anxiety.

They've probably got too much time on their hands now and don't know what to do with it. Illness or potential illness is a great time consumer and filler of gaping holes.

I’m 67 look after my grandchildren Monday till Thursday. Go to the gym at least 5 mornings. Like to socialise. Love family get togethers . Enjoy holidays. My husband has cardiac problems had to have surgery and has had sepsis twice in the last year but 🤞he’s turned a corner.
life’s for living and enjoying. I don’t know anyone in my friendship circle like this. Do they have any interests or have they been ill? I would miss my grandchildren if I couldn’t see them regularly.

My mother is in her 70's and covid really did for her in terms of health anxiety. I have notice similar in some of her friends, Covid affected their MH quite badly.

She has always been a bit of a hypochondriac and verging on the dramatic when she did have something. But she was totally OTT about covid and has now become so isolated that her health is all she thinks about. She was fuming the week before last when the virus she had (a cold with a nasty cough NOT flu....) dragged on a bit and when she went to the doctors it was brushed off as nothing the doc could help with. Within a few days she was fine but still angry with the doctor as she "should have done something". Any suggestion that she should not see the doctor is met with anger and accusations of not understanding how serious it could be.

Funny thing is that 2 years ago she was diagnosed with a serious chronic condition that will need medicating, scans etc for life and she is in major denial about it. ITs like she likes the drama of mild illness, swanning around like a consumptive heroine and taking to her bed.....but serious illness scares the hell out of her and she pretends its not happening.

Perhaps the real anxiety is that something will happen to one of them and they will be parted.

Yes
Covid caused this
Being told by the prime minister, daily, that we are at risk of death even without any symptoms
The way we handled covid caused a mass mental health issue

Well I’m in my early 60s and while I’m not like that at all , I get really annoyed at people who cough and don’t cover their mouth or have poor hand hygiene.

I am absolutely sick to the back teeth of having a cold / fluey cold / sinusitis and feeling under the weather and wiped out .
I have asthma + sinus issues and tend to take ages to recover from these .
However , I never think there is anything seriously wrong with me , I always assume my aches and pains and tiredness are nothing much to worry about.

Having been through many awful times and suffering with my health from aged 34, including a head injury and post concussion syndrome and being injured permanently by an off label antipsychotic that gave me a neurological involuntary movement disorder, I've had my fair share of the health woes and anxieties.

Going through life with a lack of confidence and control over my body, with body parts including my mouth and tongue etc, I am not overly worried about future health problems. I just take things in my stride and try not to stress too much over it.

Perimenopause symptoms started after my youngest daughter was born five years ago and they've definitely added to my body really feeling old, but I refuse to get it get me down.

I find that those who've never had serious problems with their health when younger can't always cope well with them as they age.

I’m 82. I have friends from mid 40s to 93. Only one is like this and she is thoroughly boring It is not normal just because you get older. Old age isn’t a disease I You don’t change from the person you were when you were 30 - your basic traits just become exaggerated. Of course you know you’re going to die sooner than later but that’s natural - life is for living not worrying about . I take myself on holiday. Made my first visit to New York in 2024 on my own. Drive abroad and in UK, probably drink snd eat more than I should Talk to everyone that interests me. Ignore the ones that don’t. Dont feel obliged to finish a book , movie or play if I don’t enjoy it. In fact If I die tomorrow I’ve had a great time! There are upsides to being older. The aches and pains are a nuisance but part of life. No. It is not normal. Leave them to get on with it - enjoy your Christmas