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Original poster

Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

490 replies

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

OP posts:
theunbreakablecleopatrajones · 20/12/2025 12:27

I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband

No friend would ask for a loan in this way, so do say no, I'm not in any position to do that, but also do remove her from your closer friend group - she doesn't belong there.

ShawnaMacallister · 20/12/2025 12:28

I'd be clear that it's a completely inappropriate request too, don't just say no.

'friend, this is a very strange and inappropriate thing to ask. I'm not able or willing to financially support anyone else. I'll pretend you haven't asked this and we don't have to mention it again'.

Cherrysoup · 20/12/2025 12:30

Sending hugs, I can’t imagine how difficult this day is for you.

I don’t even think I’d dignify her request with a response. If she asks again, possibly send her ‘I can’t believe you’ve asked this. Obviously no’. Unfeeling cow.

Member984815 · 20/12/2025 12:31

No is the answer , no explanations just no. I can't believe someone would think this is OK to ask you.

TheAmberUser · 20/12/2025 12:32

Please don't, i lent a "friend " money which i won't see again, in the meantime she pays over £110 every 6 weeks for her hair, then her nails has holidays in the Caribbean and has fallen out with me because i won't loan her another £5,000 which she said she would pay at £100 / month, and has just retired from work.

Wreckinball · 20/12/2025 12:32

Voice notes repeatedly asking for money?
She’s not a friend

BadgernTheGarden · 20/12/2025 12:32

Unless you don't mind supporting her for the rest of her life just say no. Tell her anything you have to to make sure she realises it's a firm no. I don't have any spare money, everything is long term invested and I can barely live on the income as it is. A very firm no, never, or she may turn up having quit her job begging for money suggesting she thought you had agreed to help if you were at all equivocal in your reply. Don't say I can't at the minute or imply you might be able to another time.

Shedeboodinia · 20/12/2025 12:33

No way. I am sure you would also like to piss off bare foot and fancy free into the sunset while someone else takes care of your bills. But you don't and neither do most people who don't have some sort of huge inheritence and aren't 18.
If the friend wanted to do this she has had 22 years since you have known her to save.
If she questions you then say your money is tied up and used, its not available.
I have some very wealthy friends and I wouldnt in a million years ever ask them..my mum always says you make your own bed and now have to lie in it.

chunkyBoo · 20/12/2025 12:35

Oh goodness, you poor thing, it’s bad enough losing someone without the money bees buzzing around you! Glad you’re saying no, if she’s got no job to return to she’ll be asking g for her rent etc to be covered and you’ll likely never get it back, when surely you’d want to spend your own money on your own travelling!

Daisy12Maisie · 20/12/2025 12:36

I have plenty of friends who are financially better off than me. I would never, ever ask them for money. I have asked one of them if she could organise some work experience for my youngest as she works in that field. She is going to see what she can do. That is the sort of favour that is normal amongst friends I would say not to give/ lend big sums of money. I am gifting a guitar to another friend as she wants it for her son. Again, no big deal and its worth about £85 is I chose to sell if. I wouldn’t give her something that was worth more than that as I couldn’t afford it. so I think friends do small favours for each other normal for large amounts of money.
I would reply and say “I have money for the bills but nothing left over now I’m on my own. It’s the anniversary of x’s death today actually so I am struggling a bit.”

Even if you had a lot of money it’s for you to invest/ spend not find others. I assume you don’t have loads anyway if you are still working full time.

PoppySaidYesIKnow · 20/12/2025 12:36

Say no. She needs to fund her own life.

EmmaOvary · 20/12/2025 12:38

Ella31 · 20/12/2025 10:43

Firstly, I'm sorry about your loss of your dh and today must be very hard. Don't give this friend a thought today, she hss taken enough of your time. Christmas is already very tough when missing someone. I've been in your shoes, except it was my twin babies, we buried them at christmas too and there were people who took advantage of offloading on us.

You absolutely shouldnt give her money, you are still in a vulnerable place, she should know better and to think she was wrecking your head while you were grieving. You simply tell her, you are sorry she is struggling but you arent in a financial position to help.

I hope you take some time today to do something nice for yourself xxx 🥰🥰

So sorry for your loss.

TwistedWonder · 20/12/2025 12:38

Sadly OP as you’re discovering, money changes people.

Ive known several friends who have been widowed, had an inheritance, sold a property even been made redundant who have then been asked to lend money or found so called friends started scrounging off them.
After my friend sold her late parents house, she went on holiday with a long term friend who didn’t take enough money and then expected her to pick up the tab even saying ‘well you can afford it now’ - like her parents life long savings were to pay for rounds of cocktails in Greece ffs

Allthesnowallthetime · 20/12/2025 12:38

I'm so sorry OPFlowers.

It's a really outrageous request. Sometimes people are so cheeky that it's hard to even believe that they are serious!

I knew someone who used to hint that she'd like to move into my house. And how nice it would be if "someone" would keep a room for her while she went travelling. I was unwell at the time and felt quite vulnerable.

I distanced myself from her.

JFDIYOLO · 20/12/2025 12:40

NO.

Clear assertive statements.

'The answer is no, as I'm not in a position myself to lend or give money.'

Don't get into conversation, 'but what abouts ... if you were really my friend you'd ... ' manipulative attempts to twist you.

On repeat with the broken record:

'As I said, the answer is no.' Same words, with neutral tone, expression and body language.

And especially do not be emotionally blackmailed with self harm threats. If that happens, call the police as an emergency.

If she isn't behaving like that and you want to continue the friendship you could do the boundary setting:

'As I said, I'm not in a position to give or lend financial support, so I can't do that.

What I can do is help you with practicalities like polishing your CV and LinkedIn, going to networking events, seeking and making job applications, interview preparation etc.'

Her reaction will tell you a lot - if she accepts that, she's genuinely looking to get back on her own feet.

If she chucks that back at you, calls you a bad friend for not giving handout - she has no intention of improving her own life and will be a sucking leech forever.

FamBae · 20/12/2025 12:40

If she asks again just tell her, you're my friend not my child and give a good mumsnetty tinkley laugh 💐

IndigoBluey · 20/12/2025 12:41

I can relate as I had a close friend who asked me to borrow a fixed amount recently, it was around my monthly take home pay. I sent a polite but clear text response along the lines of sorry you’re struggling but I’m unable to help as things are tight for me. Hope you’re day is not too difficult for you today

alexisccd · 20/12/2025 12:42

I’m so sorry for your loss. She’s out of line, and no is all you need to say

Imaginingdragonsagain · 20/12/2025 12:43

I’m so sorry for your loss. I really think you should say no, she shouldn’t be asking you. Tell her it’s invested/tied up if she asks.

ruffler45 · 20/12/2025 12:44

She is not afraid to ask and therefore you should not be afraid to say NO!! (Its a very good and precise word)

TFImBackIn · 20/12/2025 12:45

I'm so sorry you lost your husband and hope today you are able to focus on the many ways you loved him.

Your friend is an insensitive, selfish arse, and tbh I wouldn't want to remain friends with her - or with the interior design idiot, either. It's outrageous that they should be asking you for money. This woman fancies some time off and thinks you can pay for it. This isn't someone who's thinking of you today, wondering how you're coping and wondering what she can do to help you. It's someone with pound signs in her eyes when she thinks of you.

I'd be very blunt and say, "My husband died three years ago today. If you think he intended any money he left to go to fund your travelling, you must be insane."

My3dahliasarebloominlovely · 20/12/2025 12:46

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your loss especially on this sad day.
But secondly , how bloody dare she ask you that???
I had a "friend" like that. Had. She finally stretched it way too far and the elastic broke and I shut the door on her. She's not sparing much thought for you in the drama of her own life.

Ilady · 20/12/2025 12:46

If you have been left money due to your husband's death that's for you and your future. If you were left money it there to improve your life, possibly work less hours in time or retire early.

I feel that she does not like her job. Why is she not looking for another job that pays more so she can save to go travelling?
I have had friends in horrible jobs or with poor managers and they looked for another job. They stayed put until a better job came up. If they wanted to go travelling they planned, saved hard and went travelling then. Some people asked work could they take a career break for say 3 to 6 months to travel and come back to work then.

You need say no to giving her money. Travelling and then coming back to the UK with no job requires a large lump sum of money and it up to her to save for and fund this.

A few years ago one of my friends came into some money. She gave a friend some cash and bought her on holidays. This came to the region of about £2,500. At the time her friend was going through a particular hard time and needed the brake and the money. Now a few years later the same lady barely talks to my friend and is just to busy to make any effort to meet my friend.

My friend will get a substantial inheritance in time and had planned to bring this friend on a very good holiday then but now this is not happening. She told me if you come into or get money keep quite about it because some people just think you are going to fund there holidays ect.

rebeccachoc · 20/12/2025 12:46

My thoughts are a big fat no. But as its the anniversary, and I am so sorry for your loss, please don't make any decisions today.

I think the fact she asked around the anniversary shows how little she cares for you anyway. I think you are a long term friend, turned convenient cash cow. And if I've got her right, I think if you say no, she'll fade away and then you'll see how much you really meant to her.

shiningstar2 · 20/12/2025 12:47

Oh my goodness ...please say no to this 'friend' Whatever your financial circumstances this woman should never be asking you for money for 'a few months' . And if she wants it to travel or whatever it doesn't sound as though she will be in a position to pay it back. When my dad died, the house mortgage was paid off by insurance. This didn't make mam'rich' it just secured her home and not one of her many friends would have ever dreamed of asking to cash in on her terrible loss. I'm sorry for your loss op. It doesn't matter how long you've known this woman she is not a real friend. I've heard of people asking others ..can you lend me £50.. I'll pay it back at the end of the month ..and it would be paid back ...but never 'financial support for a few months' This is a chancer trying to cash in on your financial position after you've had a terrible loss and it is disgusting. 💐