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Original poster

Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

490 replies

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

OP posts:
AdjustingVideoFrameRate · 20/12/2025 12:01

I’m so sorry about your husband (I went through the same things after my first DH died, so have some idea what it’s like).

I would say sorry, but no. This friend does not sound particularly supportive of you or sensitive, and the fact that you’ve known her for a long time is not that relevant - it’s the way people behave now, not the length of time you’ve known them that matters. If she had been amazingly supportive after your DH died, that might be different.

Also she seems to be just assuming you have money to spare, when she doesn’t know anything about your private finances, and nor should she. Plus she hasn’t told you exactly why she needs money.

I would just politely say no, you can’t do this at the moment due to other financial commitments - no need to go into detail or make excuses.

Wishing you all the best.

ShowMeTheSushi · 20/12/2025 12:02

Sorry for your loss. Please don’t lend money unless you’re fully prepared not to get it back. “A few months” can easily turn into many months or even years, and money between friends often damage relationships.

You’re not responsible for fixing other people’s lives, and you’re allowed to say no, without guilt or explanation. Right now, protecting yourself and your own stability has to come first.

Heyhelga · 20/12/2025 12:04

Nope mixing money and friends is always recipe for a fallout. I also don't like the way she sends you voice messages.

Squeeky112 · 20/12/2025 12:05

I am sorry for your loss.
The answer has to be no. She will suck your finances dry. Choosing to quit her job, sponge of you, and do fuck all is no life for you - you are not responsible for her. She can make her own decisions, choose her own path, life her best life... but not at your expense.
I'm sorry that you have such a person in your life - you deserve better.

thisoneiscalledbluebellsinpastels · 20/12/2025 12:05

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 11:38

Hi everyone. Thanks for your replies. Wading through them now. She did just message me about 30 mins ago acknowledging my DH's passing. But I've not had the energy to think/respond to her request as I'm feeling wiped out. It's a no, to be clear. But it's more just the shock of it - rather than the request itself. I respect that she's been there for me over the years, so it took me by surprise. Agreed with the PPs who said that 3 years is no time at all.

She is likely now acknowledging your loss because you havent given her a "yes" answer yet, so she is trying to be super nice and creep around you to encourage you to give her the answer she wants.

This woman is using you and I wouldnt trust her as far as I could throw her. She has pound signs in her eyes, not genuine care for you.

Deafnotdumb · 20/12/2025 12:09

No is a complete word.
Here's a handhold and a hug. I don't think grief ever goes away, but it always feels sharper on an anniversary.
I am sorry for your loss.

FollowSpot · 20/12/2025 12:10

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 11:38

Hi everyone. Thanks for your replies. Wading through them now. She did just message me about 30 mins ago acknowledging my DH's passing. But I've not had the energy to think/respond to her request as I'm feeling wiped out. It's a no, to be clear. But it's more just the shock of it - rather than the request itself. I respect that she's been there for me over the years, so it took me by surprise. Agreed with the PPs who said that 3 years is no time at all.

Yes, it would have been a shock,

And it's hard to get your head around an out of the blue thing like that when you are deep in grief and memory and un-nameable feelings.

I am glad she has been there for you through hard times, but that kind of support should never be transactional. Friends support for emotional issues is unconditional. It puts you under no obligation whatsoever to consider 'support' in the form of your money.

Yes, mutual emotional / listening support.

And yes sometimes friends reciprocally lend each other money.

But emotional support should never ever leverage financial support. That's a definition of toxic in my mind.

Take care of yourself today. Turn your phone off if it helps, and I am sorry that her inappropriate request crashed into your anniversary day.

JetFlight · 20/12/2025 12:10

She’s crossing a real boundary here. This isn’t usual at all, even between family members (exceptions, of course)
”no” is the only correct response.

Redburnett · 20/12/2025 12:11

A definite no to that request.
However if I wanted her as a companion to go on a holiday with (rather than going alone) I would happily subsidise it if I could afford to and she was hard up.

Jasmin71 · 20/12/2025 12:12

Hard No. I am so sorry for your loss. Your friend is totally out of order and will become dependent on you unless you nip this in the bud straight away.

LilyBunch25 · 20/12/2025 12:13

I'm sorry but vultures was the first word that came into my mind....I'm very sorry for your loss, and I think your "friend/s" should take a running jump.

PoppysAunt · 20/12/2025 12:14

thisoneiscalledbluebellsinpastels · 20/12/2025 12:05

She is likely now acknowledging your loss because you havent given her a "yes" answer yet, so she is trying to be super nice and creep around you to encourage you to give her the answer she wants.

This woman is using you and I wouldnt trust her as far as I could throw her. She has pound signs in her eyes, not genuine care for you.

Show quote history

I agree with this. Don't respond. Just take some time for yourself today.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 20/12/2025 12:15

Good grief no.

PoppysAunt · 20/12/2025 12:15

Heyhelga · 20/12/2025 12:04

Nope mixing money and friends is always recipe for a fallout. I also don't like the way she sends you voice messages.

I was thinking the same, she seems not just greedy and thoughtless, but quite manipulative as well.

SockFluffInTheBath · 20/12/2025 12:15

Hugs to you for today.

Money does things to a lot of people, and often they feel entitled to a share when other people have some. A firm ‘no’ is all they need. You don’t owe them an explanation.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 20/12/2025 12:17

That’s a hard no from me and sadly she’s not a friend.

MagneticSquirrel · 20/12/2025 12:18

I’m sorry for your loss and it is always difficult around anniversaries too.

In terms of what to think about your “friend” …even if she has been a good friend in the past clearly she is now very selfish and only thinking about her own feelings, doesn’t think about how you are which is not a good friend. Most of us would like to quit our jobs for a bit and go travelling but never expect someone else to fund it

It’s so selfish and self-entitled! She’s not even asking for a loan!(Sounds like she’s bad with money so I wouldn’t loan her either). In fact I would never loan money I couldn’t afford to lose and it would have to be an extreme situation like losing job because of ill heath, credit lines exhausted, using food banks, real hardship etc before I even considered it for any friend.

I can’t believe anyone would think it’s ok to ask anyone to bankroll their travels /lifestyle cos they can’t be bothered to work hard(take on a 2nd job etc) and save up if that is there dream.! Some people, including this “friend” have no self-respect or shame! To ask around your husbands anniversary is even worse. This makes me feel angry of your behalf OP. I’m so sorry for your loss but she is trying to take advantage and she’s selfish. This would be the end of the friendship for me.

Ellie1015 · 20/12/2025 12:18

Only reason to ask a friend for financial help for me desperate need, about to be made homeless and a small short term loan of a specific amount would resolve it ie started new job and pay day a few weeks away.

I would either ignore her request and if she asks again say "I assumed you were joking I dont have spare cash like that"

Or if you want to reply keep it simple "No, I am not able to give you any financial support" do not apologise or explain why. She hasnt given any explanation or even amount in her request.

JacknDiane · 20/12/2025 12:19

Im really shocked to read this @winterhaze. Well actually im not, people can be unbelievable. She is not a friend.

JustMyView13 · 20/12/2025 12:21

She’s being a CF.
Are you any good with spreadsheets?
If so, I would TOTALLY misinterpret her request as wanting help with budgeting / consolidating debt etc.
I’d say - Yes, of course. I have a great spreadsheet which I use for budgeting. If you have debts you need to consolidate there’s some fantastic charities, you could even consider Breathing space whilst you organise things.

I’d assume she wants theoretical help, not actual cash.

Namesss · 20/12/2025 12:21

I'd say a firm no.
Can you also guarantee she would pay the money back?

BettyTurnerthewindskeptlaughingatme · 20/12/2025 12:24

She ain't no friend.

CharlotteLightandDark · 20/12/2025 12:25

She would be a bit silly to quit her job without another lined up in this economy, there are lots of people struggling to find work atm.

Dissappearedupmyownarse · 20/12/2025 12:26

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

'I'm sorry but no, that doesn't work for me"
Classic but effective in shutting down most unwanted scenarios.

Pedallleur · 20/12/2025 12:27

Might as well title this thread Does this CF want to rob me blind?
If you are v.rich and feeling generous of course you can help her. But we all know it will be just throwing money away. She will be in Thailand or Mongolia with no money or insurance and be requesting a flight back and that's not the worst case scenario. Just say NO!