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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend asking for 'financial support for a few months'...

490 replies

winterhaze · 20/12/2025 10:37

Hi. Looking for advice. My friend (who I've known for many years) is single. I am too - although; it is because my DH died (in 2022). Needless to say, it's been a rough few years - especially since he died around Christmas time.

A friend that I have known for 22 years was often complaining about the state of her life, which I must admit, I often found insensitive, given what I was going through in the early days of grief, but I guess she couldn’t relate to losing a husband.

She - for a long while now - has been leaving me voice notes about how much she hates her job, flat, life and wants to travel etc... I’ve offered practical/logical advice, but it always results in a week going by - and a similar voice note/similar topic again… the cycle continues.

Long story short, she asked me via a voice note if I would be willing to help her financially/support her for a ‘few months’. (My financial position is better than hers, but I am not ‘rich’). I obviously work FT (live on my own) etc… but I really feel taken aback by such a request.

She’s not asked for any particlar amount, nor said anything about what her plans are, how long she (I assume) would be out of work for…? Nothing beyond 'for a few months'. My suspicion is she wants to quit her job, cover her rent - and go travelling for a few months.

I think she thinks because my DH died, I would have had his money too as ‘play money’ despite my own income.

Another friend - who I was nowhere near as close to; asked me to invest in an interior design business she wanted to start… she is not an interior designer - and has had no experience in interior design. I immediately said ’no’.

However, this is someone I’ve known for 22 years. I don’t know what to do/say/think - it is also the anniversary of my DH’s passing today. Please help/advise.

OP posts:
Incelebration · 20/12/2025 14:56

I hope you have some company today.

If you don't want to help her financially (and there's absolutely no reason why you should) could you sugar the pill by offering to help her budget for a trip, or offering to help plan it? Is she intending to rent out her flat? You could help her to declutter to get it ready for tenants, but only if you're inclined to do that; you are under no obligation.

I suppose your response it depends to some extend on how much you value the friendship.

SleafordSods · 20/12/2025 14:59

Over40Overdating · 20/12/2025 14:51

God loves a trier, eh. I know you are going to say no @winterhaze but I think giving this ‘friend’ the bum’s rush is appropriate too.

I envy those who are naive enough to think the friend must be desperate to ask such a mad thing. They’ve clearly never encountered an entitled cheeky fucker in the wild.

In the last ten years I’ve had relatives and ex friends ask me to:
Buy them a house - pay deposit and mortgage and sign it over to them once the loan is cleared.
GIVE them my own house.
Put a child through uni. The child in question was 5 at the time but they thought I could start saving towards it.

The only desperation was to get as easy a ride as they could blag through life without having to work hard or make and sacrifices.

Wow that is some breathtaking CF. Why would anyone think you’d be daft enough to agree to any of that?

Kingsleadhat · 20/12/2025 15:02

Talltreesbythelake · 20/12/2025 10:43

She is preying on you. This is awful behaviour on her part. Do you want to maintain this friendship? Don't feel obliged to reply, she should be feeling embarrassed to have asked you.

I completely agree

grinchmcgrinchface · 20/12/2025 15:05

So sorry to hear about your dh. Shes a cheeky bitch, i would reply to her: Sorry seems that you’ve got a bit confused, I’m not a sugar mummy.

SeaShelli · 20/12/2025 15:07

Absolutely not.
Never mix friends/family with money.

Bumblingbee101 · 20/12/2025 15:07

Ah @winterhaze so sorry for your loss, this time of year must be particularly hard for you, I do hope you manage to have a nice time and find some peace. I may be in a minority here but 'your friend' has asked for this also at the time of year when you are at your most vulnerable. In my opinion, not a friend, very cheeky and pulling on your heart strings as is the interior design 'friend'. Step back, protrct yourself and your money and do something nice for you and maybe something that you and your late husband would have enjoyed but certainly don't give it to someone who has no intention of returning it. Wishing you a restful Christmas 🎄

HisNotHes · 20/12/2025 15:07

Just say no.

It really is as simple as that. You owe her nothing.

thatsalad · 20/12/2025 15:08

The cheek of it!

XWKD · 20/12/2025 15:09

She's a bloodsucker. I would tell her no, and never contact her again.

Over40Overdating · 20/12/2025 15:11

@SleafordSods I have a lot of extremely entitled, delusional people in my wider family. As a childless woman the suggestions came with the added twist of ‘well we’ll get everything when you die anyway so you may as well give it to us now’.

One charmer, when I refused their demands, said I was worth more dead than alive to them, so why couldn’t I hurry up and die. I was not long in remission from cancer at the time. Some people are just arseholes!

DPotter · 20/12/2025 15:14

Over40Overdating · 20/12/2025 15:11

@SleafordSods I have a lot of extremely entitled, delusional people in my wider family. As a childless woman the suggestions came with the added twist of ‘well we’ll get everything when you die anyway so you may as well give it to us now’.

One charmer, when I refused their demands, said I was worth more dead than alive to them, so why couldn’t I hurry up and die. I was not long in remission from cancer at the time. Some people are just arseholes!

I hope you have a water-tight will leaving everything to the local cat protection league

LadyKedleston · 20/12/2025 15:14

Over40Overdating · 20/12/2025 15:11

@SleafordSods I have a lot of extremely entitled, delusional people in my wider family. As a childless woman the suggestions came with the added twist of ‘well we’ll get everything when you die anyway so you may as well give it to us now’.

One charmer, when I refused their demands, said I was worth more dead than alive to them, so why couldn’t I hurry up and die. I was not long in remission from cancer at the time. Some people are just arseholes!

I hope you've written a will that doesn't include them!

GreenCandleWax · 20/12/2025 15:21

Wishing you well OP. I hope today is going OK for you. Its so hard. Don't give this person another thought, or any more time. She is the U one for even thinking of asking you this. Look after yourself. I hope you manage to find some peace and happiness over Christmas. Flowers

whymadam · 20/12/2025 15:23

Hard no. Voicenote that straight back to her.
This is a hard time of year for you, and I'm so sorry your friend isn't compassionate.

SleafordSods · 20/12/2025 15:28

Over40Overdating · 20/12/2025 15:11

@SleafordSods I have a lot of extremely entitled, delusional people in my wider family. As a childless woman the suggestions came with the added twist of ‘well we’ll get everything when you die anyway so you may as well give it to us now’.

One charmer, when I refused their demands, said I was worth more dead than alive to them, so why couldn’t I hurry up and die. I was not long in remission from cancer at the time. Some people are just arseholes!

Jesus. Not is not just CF that is truly awful behaviour. Like others have said, I hope you’ve done a super tight will and I also hope you’re still in remission and it lasts a very long time Flowers

grinchmcgrinchface · 20/12/2025 15:29

Over40Overdating · 20/12/2025 15:11

@SleafordSods I have a lot of extremely entitled, delusional people in my wider family. As a childless woman the suggestions came with the added twist of ‘well we’ll get everything when you die anyway so you may as well give it to us now’.

One charmer, when I refused their demands, said I was worth more dead than alive to them, so why couldn’t I hurry up and die. I was not long in remission from cancer at the time. Some people are just arseholes!

Leave all your money to the donkeys. DHs grandfather did this when MIL was behaving similar. We had a right chuckle. Grin

Illegally18 · 20/12/2025 15:31

EmeraldRoulette · 20/12/2025 10:40

I am really sorry for your loss

And I am shocked at the behaviour of your friend. I would probably tell her to have a word with herself. That is one of the most self-absorbed things I've ever heard on here.

she is not your responsibility. It is no one's responsibility but hers if she wants to go travelling.

I mean, just… What? The mind boggles.

Yes, my mind just boggles too!

Hesma · 20/12/2025 15:32

Neither a borrower nor a lender be…

I’m sorry @winterhaze but she has contacted you today because she knows you will be vulnerable. You need to say ‘no’ and if she is a true friend she will accept this.

I am so sorry for your loss and can’t believe it brings the vultures out. Sending you a big hug 💐

Delphinium20 · 20/12/2025 15:36

I'm utterly astounded at the mere request of financial support at a time when she should be offering you emotional support.

And then there is the lack of specificity. Many of us may chip in to help a friend who decided to go on a leave or quit a job in order, for example, to care for a spouse with a long, terrible disease or a child with an incurable condition. But she can't even bother to tell you why she needs the money!!!

Francestein · 20/12/2025 15:36

I think you need to cut her loose. You’re not her sugar mama. Tell her that her entitlement is creating too much emotional pressure on you and you want to take some significant time out from your relationship with her to reassess.

G5000 · 20/12/2025 15:37

Tell your friend she has won an honourable mention for CF Hall of Fame.
Who on earth even thinks a friend should start financing their life, just because??

Skodacool · 20/12/2025 15:37

HelplessSoul · 20/12/2025 11:42

I'd tell her straight to fuck off as she is a grabby CUNT.

Her lifestyle choices arent your concern - she showed you no compassion when you needed it - you should show her none now.

Seriously, tell her to get to fuck, then block her sorry fucking ass. Life is too short for fucking greedy cunts like this.

I really don’t think that’s very helpful to OP.

Icouldabeenalawyer · 20/12/2025 15:39

Sorry for your loss OP x

400rider · 20/12/2025 15:41

How incredibly insensitive of her. I’m afraid she’s absolutely not a friend.

If she truly was she would remember that (even if a day out) this is a day of remembrance and support, not a moment to seek out a someone else to fulfill their dreams because they don’t have the incentive themselves.

Our daughter died 16 years ago and only last week a friend asked me if we were still heading out to her resting place on Christmas Day. For 16 years friends turn out Christmas morning for us, and then go and visit their families.
My thoughts are with you during this time and I really do hope someone has the same energy to share your grief and make the anniversaries easier to remember.

Time to forget this woman.

comeondover · 20/12/2025 15:41

TwistedWonder · 20/12/2025 14:13

No it absolutely not ok to ask a friend for financial help - especially this situation.

What on earth is ok about asking a widowed friend to bankroll swanning off travelling?

It’s not 50% on the friend and it’s not a dilemma for the OP - it’s 100% on the friend for being so shameless

Edited

I agree the friend has been insensitive but I don't think it's not OK to ask a friend for help generally, whether that's financial or otherwise

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