Sulking dh because he had to miss out

[sulkingalot]

I’ve got the flu (or covid? Not sure which) I’ve been pretty much bed bound all week and only this morning have managed to even pick up my phone as have been that exhausted even holding a phone was too heavy!

Dh has had to miss his work Xmas party and going to the gym due to me not being able to look after the dc and he also had to have 2 days off work. He wanted to go the gym this morning and I said I’m really not up to it and he’s sulking. Keeps giving me strange looks like he can’t stand me and huffing and puffing and tutting for no reason at all.

He’s now off till after Xmas - I have to be better for work on Monday so I really think my recovery is important. Unless of course he comes down with this as well.

AIBU to feel sad that he’s not been very kind or supportive? I’m literally never ill like this 😭

So, norovirus is sick enough for him to stay home, but the flu isn't?

What is your reasoning for that?

Because she's had a significant weight loss due to illness. These are things that can go wrong if she's forced to push a recovery that her body isn't ready for by a pissy husband. It's not catastrophizing to pint out the damage that can happen by forcing a body to do things it can't. Her fluids and lytes are likely off right now.

Why are you so team husband when his wife is so ill she's not up to watching the kids?

What a loser! We all miss things when ill, especially mums actually, so he's totally unreasonable. If he needs an endorphin hit he can do a home workout or go for a run when kids are asleep. Being disappointed is natural but taking it out on you is gross, what does it achieve!?

Ask him what the problem is, make him vocalise his unreasonableness.

Errr life experience!

This thread is so fucking frustrating.

A marriage is a partnership. The comparisons to being single are the perfect example of how many people view women's responsibilities to parenting.

You're still conscious, what's the problem? Let the poor man go out for a beer. 3 kids, one is a toddler and one has SEN? Suck it up for an hour so your man can go to the gym.

This is never going to change is it.

The people saying he shouldn't have missed the Christmas party, you live with SEN kids and toddlers do you?
I have 4 kids, I've had to suck it up and care for them when im sick. But there have been a couple of times I've been so ill that I couldn't physically care for my kids, you might not have experienced that but its not a case of 'getting on with it' when you actually physically cant! And why should she have to do it at all when there is a second healthy adult in the house?
I have SEN kids, one may not ever live independently and its not the bloody same as say a child who whines a lot or needs attention. They can be a risk to themselves or others. Good grief it is no wonder we end up with so many women in relationships carrying all the mental load and childcare burdens, when some women are so disgusted by a man having to look after his kids for a week. Yes he missed a thing, how many bloody women do you know who miss events/appointments/work on the regular because of childcare commitments???

OP, drink plenty of fluids and feel better soon.

Why are you so team wife when her husband has been supportive all week and done his job as co parent and taken the slack? Its not like he hasn't been pulling his weight and taking care of things while she has been recovering. He HAS allowed her to rest and recover. Its not like he has expressed he wants to go to the gym and she has said she is not ready and he has gone anyway. He has stayed home and done it still. But surely the guy is allowed to feel a bit fed up?

You know, she was ill so he was the responsible parent. If he wanted to do something it's on HIM to arrange childcare, as you know, the responsible parent at the time.

When I read on here about thow the poor menfolk need all the time in the world to recover from their super special illnesses, it's a marked contrast. My dearest wish for the new year is that men are held to the same standard women are at all fucking times.

There's a difference between feeling fed up and trying to guilt trip his wife.

Why am I Team Wife?

Because of the very real potential for bad consequences for her and or the kids when someone who is not physically capable is left with kids in their care.

Meanwhile, what bad consequences could happen with him missing a party and a couple workouts at the gym? He could be doing a home bodyweight workout if he has no equipment.

OP has explained how unwell she has been.

Having a high temperature and vomiting so much that she has lost weight on top of other flu symptoms is actually worse than norovirus.

Would you be happy leaving your husband alone with your 1-year-old baby if he couldn't even pick them up?

Op your H is BU. As are lots of other posters in my view. It’s dangerous to leave kids with an incapacitated adult. H did it to me whenDS was in primary school - I’ve never forgiven him and it pretty much ended our marriage. It wasn’t because of the impact on me - I can sort myself out. But it’s the fact that he just didn’t care enough about DS to not visit a friend. He put DS in danger and it’s just not something I’ve ever got over.

How do you know he is trying to guilt trip his wife? His sulking and tutting is him showing outwardly that he is a bit fed up. Surely he is allowed to express that?

Let's face it, when this kind of thing happens and one parent is totally out of action for a whole week its pretty shit on both parties. Its not great for either of them. For the one who is really ill and trying to recover, and on the one who is picking up the slack and doing everything.

I am sure that the OP has been expressing how ill she has been feeling by making noises and sounds, and has probably been expressing frustration at being poorly, as she is completely allowed to do obviously. But surely he can express how he feels also?

Instead of the gym, he could take the kids for a walk. A lot of parks have exercise equipment.

How many times do women have to cancel things they enjoy for sick kids or family commitments? Sounds like a man child and I’d be so resentful/angry if I had flu and he was huffing and puffing.

But he hasn't left her taking care of the kids when she is not capable?? So that is irrelevant. He asked her if she was feeling well enough to and she said she wasn't so he hasn't gone. I could understand everyone getting on his case if she said no and he went anyway!

All he has done is expressed that he is feeling a bit fed up by tutting and huffing. Hardly the crime of the bleeding century is it?

Exactly.

He misses a piss up and the gym and it’s all “poor him, get on with it so he can enjoy himself”.

She has flu and because there’s single mothers in the world, she’s expected to act like she’s one as her husband is pouting.

ridiculous.

The reality is he’s made a lot of compromises over the last week and has been supportive.

If you can’t understand why he’s frustrated at having to continue to make allowances then you must be very emotionally immature.

God thank you, yes THIS ^^

Unfair and judgmental.
I had seriously bad flu a couple of years ago and was 'out of it' for most of the time.
Couldn't stand up without feeling like I was going to collapse and I didn't have children to look after.
Hope you feel better soon OP

She’s not a single parent so it’s a stupid point to make.

Might as well ask what she would do if she was a millionaire. Doesn’t help her out of her current situation.

Tutting and huffing when you don't get your way is what children do.

I had emergency surgery 3 weeks ago and recovery has been fucking hard. I know it's been tough for DH to juggle everything, but he honestly can't do enough for me.

I can't imagine he would ever behave in such an immature way when he knows how unwell I have been. But he's an adult and his family comes first.

I'd cut him a bit of slack for some light huffing and puffing. It's actually rubbish when you can't do things because someone else is ill and it's hard to keep up the act of saintly care when you're disappointed. However, I do mean light huffing. Anything prolonged or mean is unacceptable.

Brilliant post, thanks

It might well be what children do and he is being a bit immature but again expressing his frustration by doing some huffing and tutting is hardly the crime of the century. Other than that he seems to have been really supportive and has taken the slack.

Personally I can understand the frustration, its really hard being the one doing everything and giving up stuff that you normally look forward to, and stuff that helps keep you sane, like the gym.

Surely she can overlook the huffing and tutting when he has been great all week taking everything else on (as he should, just so I don't get flamed for that)

But she’s not a single parent is she? Can’t believe the replies on here, she’s got the flu it won’t kill him to miss a few things as rubbish as that is , it’s just life as a family with kids

You rely on family and friends. She's relying on her husband.