Page 7 | Sulking dh because he had to miss out

Wish44 · 20/12/2025 14:20

Blades2 · 20/12/2025 13:48

Iam well aware what real flu is, I have had pneumonia twice in adult life, both times whilst my children were small.

Yes her husband is her family, iam pointing out about her ridiculous statement that if she were a single parent she would be phoning SS for help with her children. She wouldn’t be,

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She would be if she had no one else.

some people have no one.
some people get so poorly they can’t look after their children.

sometimes those things happen to be the same person. Social services step in.

i am a social worker.

just because you have been lucky enough not to have been in this situation doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Xmasbaby11 · 20/12/2025 14:22

Sounds so hard op. He shouldn't be sulking as such though it's normal to be disappointed when you have to cancel things you look forward to. This happens as a parent, especially with three kids, especially with SEN in the picture.

If you are hoping to be back to work on Mon, you can still rest the majority of the weekend but maybe your DH can go to the gym for an hour?

I would also say, as someone with v limited family support, when you are better you need to develop some kind of support network with friends. We were pretty lucky with illness when the kids were young, but I would have been able to ask a friend to come and help with the kids for a bit or taken them out (maybe not all three but 1 or 2) in times of need. I'm not saying DH shouldn't do a lot - of course he should do vast majority. As pp say, it's not a thing to ask for SS to help when you're ill.

silverwrath · 20/12/2025 14:22

You poor thing. Let him sulk.

When you're better I'd give him a piece of your mind for acting like a giant man baby just because he's had to step up when you're ill.

You need to concentrate on getting better. 💐

FedUpWithDilemmas · 20/12/2025 14:22

sulkingalot · 20/12/2025 10:27

I’ve got the flu (or covid? Not sure which) I’ve been pretty much bed bound all week and only this morning have managed to even pick up my phone as have been that exhausted even holding a phone was too heavy!

Dh has had to miss his work Xmas party and going to the gym due to me not being able to look after the dc and he also had to have 2 days off work. He wanted to go the gym this morning and I said I’m really not up to it and he’s sulking. Keeps giving me strange looks like he can’t stand me and huffing and puffing and tutting for no reason at all.

He’s now off till after Xmas - I have to be better for work on Monday so I really think my recovery is important. Unless of course he comes down with this as well.

AIBU to feel sad that he’s not been very kind or supportive? I’m literally never ill like this 😭

Single parents manage. They have to. I think he could have gone to the party (come home early) or gym in the week

Booksandsea · 20/12/2025 14:23

Surely you can manage them in bed with you watching tv whilst he goes to gym? Are you usually this ridiculous when sick? I’ve never made my partner miss work or something he wanted to do because I was poorly - as a parent yiu just get on with things! I’d be furious with my partner if he did what you did! Unless you are literally dying just get on with it

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 20/12/2025 14:24

outerspacepotato · 20/12/2025 14:13

You're not a single parent so that isn't even applicable to your situation. You have a husband who should be picking up the extra weight when you're so physically ill. That's teamwork in a marriage.

Your problem is your partner is deeply selfish and he feels put out that you are so ill he has to parent his children instead of going to the gym and his work party. With a partner like this, you are there to make his life function easily, not to be the malfunctioning appliance. He's not supportive because he's a selfish shit. You aren't a team, you're on your own or he sulks like a toddler.

You haven't seen it to this extent because you haven't been this I'll that you can't take care of the kids but I bet there have been signs he's a selfish ass.

She has a husband who HAS been picking up the extra weight while she is physically ill though. Its not like he hasn't. And she didn't say he moaned or complained about any of that.

She said that he wanted to go to the gym this morning and she said she still didn't feel well enough so he has been sulking about that. So his only 'crime' is the fact he is feeling frustrated by still not being able to do something for himself and is demonstrating that frustration with his tutting and so on.

Blades2 · 20/12/2025 14:25

Wish44 · 20/12/2025 14:20

She would be if she had no one else.

some people have no one.
some people get so poorly they can’t look after their children.

sometimes those things happen to be the same person. Social services step in.

i am a social worker.

just because you have been lucky enough not to have been in this situation doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

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I agree, people do get so ill they need social services help.

a flu is not one of these illnesses

TicklishReader · 20/12/2025 14:27

Blades2 · 20/12/2025 14:25

I agree, people do get so ill they need social services help.

a flu is not one of these illnesses

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How do you know?

TheEverlastingPorridge · 20/12/2025 14:29

I am not doubting SS do offer the help. In extreme circumstances, but it just beggars belief the entitlement of someone who thinks that SS should provide this for a bout of the flu. That is even is a thought for you staggers me.

I would hazard a guess that 99.99% of us single mums solider on and wouldn't dream of contacting SS because we are ill. It just wouldn't even cross our minds.

We just get on with it.

outerspacepotato · 20/12/2025 14:34

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 20/12/2025 14:24

She has a husband who HAS been picking up the extra weight while she is physically ill though. Its not like he hasn't. And she didn't say he moaned or complained about any of that.

She said that he wanted to go to the gym this morning and she said she still didn't feel well enough so he has been sulking about that. So his only 'crime' is the fact he is feeling frustrated by still not being able to do something for himself and is demonstrating that frustration with his tutting and so on.

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Tough shit for him. She still feels too ill to manage 3 on her own. He can fucking deal. It's not like he has to go to work. Gym and parties are not priority activities when the other partner is ill and likely extremely dehydrated if she's lost that much weight in a week.

Doing too much too soon can set back her recovery. She could end up in the hospital with severe dehydration and that can cause a whole lot of serious complications in itself.

user1471510561 · 20/12/2025 14:36

I can fully empathise. I had Covid in August and couldn't get out of bed for 3 weeks. I have never felt so ill, I couldn't eat or drink without vomiting, and lost well over a stone in weight. Luckily, my children are now adults and no longer living at home because I definitely wouldn't have been able to look after them. I hope you feel better soon Sulkingalot

Heronwatcher · 20/12/2025 14:40

This is one of the most bizarre threads I have ever read. So the DP should be fine to go to the gym and get pissed when his partner is still very unwell because… single parents.

And because the OP explained that hypothetically she might have had to give up care of her children last week because she was so ill, she’s entitled.

And because the OP is understandably focussing on getting well for possible work next week as well as Christmas with 3 kids she’s taking the piss?

Rather than focussing on the fact that the DH is so unreasonable to be sulking and huffing just because he’s missed a gym session and a piss up?

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 20/12/2025 14:41

outerspacepotato · 20/12/2025 14:34

Tough shit for him. She still feels too ill to manage 3 on her own. He can fucking deal. It's not like he has to go to work. Gym and parties are not priority activities when the other partner is ill and likely extremely dehydrated if she's lost that much weight in a week.

Doing too much too soon can set back her recovery. She could end up in the hospital with severe dehydration and that can cause a whole lot of serious complications in itself.

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Yes, it is tough shit. That is what being a parent is about. You pick up the slack when the other one can't and you support them.

People on here though are acting like he hasn't been supporting her and has done fuck all. Which is clearly NOT the case.

He is also allowed to feel frustrated about the fact that he can't get out and go to the gym. But fucking hell, the guy is only human. I think we have all felt hard done by and a bit pissed off on occasion as a parent when we have had to miss out on doing stuff that normally helps to keep us sane (like going to the gym!)

I just think he is getting an overly shit time on here for expressing frustration which seems bollocks to me.

I am just wondering if people would be as keen to slate if the roles were reversed. If it were Mum who was saying about how she has looked after the kids all week, forgone her works do, taken two days holiday to take all the slack to look after her kids while her DH was in bed all week with flu. And then wanted this morning, an hour to herself, and he said no. He would be accused of being a pathetic man baby who should pull himself together no doubt 🙄

Melancholyflower · 20/12/2025 14:41

Heronwatcher · 20/12/2025 10:37

Why should she though, when he’s finished work, she’s back in on Monday and she feels awful still?

If he wants to exercise he can take the kids out to the park/ in the pram for a day or two. Like thousands of women the world over do (you know, juggling their own needs with their family’s and coming to a good compromise).

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Taking 3 children to the park is not my idea of exercise. It's a gentle stroll at best; unless you are suggesting he carries them all there!

IndolentCat · 20/12/2025 14:42

Blades2 · 20/12/2025 14:25

I agree, people do get so ill they need social services help.

a flu is not one of these illnesses

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Flu can be life threatening, haven’t you seen or heard the headlines about the numbers going into hospital with it? Of course flu might be an illness that means very young children need emergency foster care.

i think a lot of people have never actually had flu- they think it’s a bad cold and the term is massively overused. Real flu can make you ill to the point that you really can’t always just soldier on. It’s like comparing a migraine to a headache

thestudio · 20/12/2025 14:43

"DH, why are you being an absolute cunt about the fact that I can't do my usual lion's share of the parenting load because I am ill?

"If you don't buck the fuck up I might have to rethink my willingness to do more than my fair share in normal times, so that you can have lovely gym time" (and all the other 'hobbies' or Important Things he doubtless normally gets to do.)

Why are so many many men such selfish exploitative manipulative tossers?

Blades2 · 20/12/2025 14:45

IndolentCat · 20/12/2025 14:42

Flu can be life threatening, haven’t you seen or heard the headlines about the numbers going into hospital with it? Of course flu might be an illness that means very young children need emergency foster care.

i think a lot of people have never actually had flu- they think it’s a bad cold and the term is massively overused. Real flu can make you ill to the point that you really can’t always just soldier on. It’s like comparing a migraine to a headache

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Nowhere has the op said she needed medical assistance.
My gp wanted me to attend A and E when I presented with pneumonia. I didn’t, I went home, set up a camp in bed and got on with it.

the fact till remains, if someone thinks ss are here to mind your kids while you have a flu yet are attempting to benettwr for work on Monday it’s mind boggling: I literally cannot explain it any simpler or clearer.

have a blessed day. ✌️

outerspacepotato · 20/12/2025 14:47

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 20/12/2025 14:41

Yes, it is tough shit. That is what being a parent is about. You pick up the slack when the other one can't and you support them.

People on here though are acting like he hasn't been supporting her and has done fuck all. Which is clearly NOT the case.

He is also allowed to feel frustrated about the fact that he can't get out and go to the gym. But fucking hell, the guy is only human. I think we have all felt hard done by and a bit pissed off on occasion as a parent when we have had to miss out on doing stuff that normally helps to keep us sane (like going to the gym!)

I just think he is getting an overly shit time on here for expressing frustration which seems bollocks to me.

I am just wondering if people would be as keen to slate if the roles were reversed. If it were Mum who was saying about how she has looked after the kids all week, forgone her works do, taken two days holiday to take all the slack to look after her kids while her DH was in bed all week with flu. And then wanted this morning, an hour to herself, and he said no. He would be accused of being a pathetic man baby who should pull himself together no doubt 🙄

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What's he going to do when she's hospitalized for dehydration and electrolyte imbalance that can cause cardiac arryrhmias? Or sudden kidney failure? Or just faints while getting up while he's off at the gym?

A man who wasn't a selfish dick would step up and not be pissy for missing non necessary activities or asking her to care for the kids when she's not fit to do so.

Or did you miss that she's had a sudden and significant weight loss? She needs care. Not a selfish asshole being pissy because he can't hit the gym.

Bushwoolie · 20/12/2025 14:47

I'd be suggesting to drop the kids with family just for an hour or wait until they're in bed. There's ways around forcing you to push yourself on the first day you're feeling the tiniest bit better

Owly11 · 20/12/2025 14:47

It sounds like he has been very supportive and I am sure you could have managed an hour this morning. No wonder he is fed up.

Howmanycatsistoomany · 20/12/2025 14:48

333FionaG · 20/12/2025 10:35

Let the poor man go to the gym, it'll only be for a short time. As your health is improving, are you sure you can't manage without him for an hour or so?

Christ on a bike! Poor widdle baby boy having to miss a work Xmas piss up and going to the gym to actually parent his own children because his wife is too sick to do it.

worstnotholiday · 20/12/2025 14:52

Heronwatcher · 20/12/2025 14:40

This is one of the most bizarre threads I have ever read. So the DP should be fine to go to the gym and get pissed when his partner is still very unwell because… single parents.

And because the OP explained that hypothetically she might have had to give up care of her children last week because she was so ill, she’s entitled.

And because the OP is understandably focussing on getting well for possible work next week as well as Christmas with 3 kids she’s taking the piss?

Rather than focussing on the fact that the DH is so unreasonable to be sulking and huffing just because he’s missed a gym session and a piss up?

all of this. Responses here are crazy. Sulking is deeply unattractive and rather pathetic. He’s a grown adult ffs. Meanwhile op should pull her socks up because of single parents! Why can’t ops DH pull HIS socks up- because single parents have to!!! The argument works as well on him (if not better) and his sulking as it on op who is trying to recover from serious illness

op is right to prioritise her health to potentially go to work , and failing that to be better for her children’s sake at Christmas . It is her dh being selfish and pathetic in this scenario- not op!

thecatdidit · 20/12/2025 14:55

@sulkingalot I think the people referring to having a flu really have no idea how ill you can be (& you have been) I've had flu once in my life and I couldn't even lift my head off the pillow, DH had to carry me to the toilet and hold me in place. I was washed out for over a month once I'd recovered from the very debilitating illness.

ErlingHaalandsManBun · 20/12/2025 14:55

outerspacepotato · 20/12/2025 14:47

What's he going to do when she's hospitalized for dehydration and electrolyte imbalance that can cause cardiac arryrhmias? Or sudden kidney failure? Or just faints while getting up while he's off at the gym?

A man who wasn't a selfish dick would step up and not be pissy for missing non necessary activities or asking her to care for the kids when she's not fit to do so.

Or did you miss that she's had a sudden and significant weight loss? She needs care. Not a selfish asshole being pissy because he can't hit the gym.

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Wow, not sure why you have catastrophised that she needs to go hospital for sudden kidney failure etc. She has openly said she is feeling better and actually plans today to rehydrate and eat today with the plan being she can go back to work on Monday. Its not like she is at deaths door. 🙄

And yes, if he wants to feel frustrated about not being able to go to the gym today then surely that is allowed?

I think I would be itching to get out if I had been taking the slack with the kids and doing everything while my DH was in bed all week with flu. We are all only human after all. Like I said, his only crime in all this is that he has had a sulk this morning.

RedToothBrush · 20/12/2025 14:56

Bobiverse · 20/12/2025 10:57

I’m a single parent and I just don’t understand the “no, you can’t go to your once a year Christmas party because I can’t look after the kids.” How do you think single parents manage?

Yeah, you’re not a single parent and you don’t have to manage alone but you could manage a few hours so he didn’t miss a once a year event. I’ve managed through a lot worse than that.

I'm in this camp.

I don't understand why he had to miss the Christmas party.

Unless you had norovirus or are hospital boundaries.

Gym yeah he's being selfish. But Christmas party? No wonder he's sulking.