Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you help adult DC to go on holiday for friend's 30th?

136 replies

needtowashthefloor · 19/12/2025 12:37

My DD is 26, works full time and bought her first house earlier this year. I know money is tight for her but she is fully financially independent from me. I actually think it's good for her to not have much (and have told her as much) at least once in her life so I don't bail her out, although I do occasionally take her out for lunch etc.
One of her friends from uni turns 30 next year and the friend has invited their uni friend group (about six girls) to go on a holiday abroad to celebrate. DD wants to go but is worried about how she is going to afford it. If you had the means, would you help to allow her to go? She has never been on holiday with the whole group, only a couple of holidays with one or two of her friends at a time.

OP posts:
Gardener82 · 19/12/2025 15:05

Yes.

BingBongMerrilyWithPie · 19/12/2025 15:06

CautiousLurker2 · 19/12/2025 15:02

Yes. I’d dress it up as a birthday treat (am assuming DD will also turn 30 this year if it’s a uni friend?)

She's 26

CautiousLurker2 · 19/12/2025 15:07

BingBongMerrilyWithPie · 19/12/2025 15:06

She's 26

Show quote history

Serves me right for nor RTFT - but it could still be a birthday/Christmas gift?

ThatGreenFawn · 19/12/2025 15:08

Yes I would.

StartingOverInMy40s · 19/12/2025 15:08

100%

I wouldn’t even hesitate if I could afford it

TangoWhiskeyAlphaTango123 · 19/12/2025 15:10

Is OP coming back to share in the debate I wonder?

Bigminnie1 · 19/12/2025 15:14

Omg of course!

Silverbirchleaf · 19/12/2025 15:14

I would put money towards it in lieu of Christmas or birthday gifts.

Pancakeflipper · 19/12/2025 15:21

I would. I'd say it's birthday/Christmas gift. It's nice to treat those we love.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 19/12/2025 15:25

Yes definitely. You say you have the means. Sounds like she's done well to buy her own home at a young age so it would be lovely if you could help her have such a lovely treat.

Devuelta81 · 19/12/2025 15:29

I'm going to go against the grain here, I think that is the sort of thing a 26 year old should be taking care of themselves. Perhaps you could find another way to contribute something ie give her Xmas + birthday money, or even say you had meant to give her a housewarming contribution to help set her up and now she can use it for other things 😉 That might sound silly but somehow a handout for a holiday as an established adult feels a bit off and might set the wrong precedent.

Purplewarrior · 19/12/2025 15:41

Yes. I do this sort of thing for my twenty something DC regularly

Maryberrysbouffant · 19/12/2025 15:49

Yes of course.

pilates · 19/12/2025 15:51

Yes, if I could afford to but I wouldn’t want it to be expected all the time.

WhippetsForever · 19/12/2025 15:51

Absolutely I would. She sounds sensible with money and it won't suddenly make her useless with money because you pay for a holiday. I fully intend to help DC in this way when they're adults. Why would you not if you can afford it? She's had to work hard to buy a house etc you've taught her well 🙂

Member984815 · 19/12/2025 15:56

Devuelta81 · 19/12/2025 15:29

I'm going to go against the grain here, I think that is the sort of thing a 26 year old should be taking care of themselves. Perhaps you could find another way to contribute something ie give her Xmas + birthday money, or even say you had meant to give her a housewarming contribution to help set her up and now she can use it for other things 😉 That might sound silly but somehow a handout for a holiday as an established adult feels a bit off and might set the wrong precedent.

I agree , I might give her a gift of money towards it but at the end of the day she's an Independent person who needs to make these decisions about budgeting her money.

Lurkingandlearning · 19/12/2025 15:59

I would, I think. I’m just wondering about the rest of the group doing the same when they turn 30. That could be 6 holidays she wouldn’t want to miss £££££

LeonMccogh · 19/12/2025 15:59

JWR · 19/12/2025 13:14

Without thinking about it. But then I really don’t understand your mentality of it being good for her to struggle, it seems so self-righteous and unkind. And I have a 24 year old DD who is a home owner, works hard and is a good person despite us doing things like that for her regularly.

I agree with this. It has an undercurrent of “young people should be poor”. Are we really racing to the bottom?

Toastersandkettles · 19/12/2025 16:01

Absolutely!

teaandtoastwouldbenice · 19/12/2025 16:01

I would!

Astra53 · 19/12/2025 16:04

Yes. 100%

TheChosenTwo · 19/12/2025 16:10

I think I’d be inclined to offer to pay for an element of the trip, be it flights or accommodation and give spending money as a birthday present - a way of contributing towards it. But she has some time to save herself too.
i could afford to pay for a trip for my dc but I’m careful about setting up expectations and although I want my dc to know they can always come to us if they need help, a holiday isn’t an essential, it’s a ‘nice to have if you can afford it’ and a part of being an adult is understanding that you have to make compromises. Your dd has already sacrificed a lot (presuming of course that she hasn’t just been given a deposit!) so is aware of this.
I think I’d help though, it’s nice to help as parents.

Newmeagain · 19/12/2025 16:13

Devuelta81 · 19/12/2025 15:29

I'm going to go against the grain here, I think that is the sort of thing a 26 year old should be taking care of themselves. Perhaps you could find another way to contribute something ie give her Xmas + birthday money, or even say you had meant to give her a housewarming contribution to help set her up and now she can use it for other things 😉 That might sound silly but somehow a handout for a holiday as an established adult feels a bit off and might set the wrong precedent.

I am over 50 and my parents still occasionally pay for me for things like a holiday. Definitely not because I don’t work extremely hard or can’t save.

Ionlymakejokestodistractmyself · 19/12/2025 16:14

Instructions · 19/12/2025 12:46

Probably not.

She's an adult who has been able to buy a house.

She can save up. Or take out a loan. Or not go.

Yeah it may be others going can't buy a house yet and that's why they can afford it. She's old enough to make her own priorities. I think it could set a precedent for handouts.

I'd probably give her money for Christmas/ birthday towards it, if that is what she wanted.

FreeTheOakTree · 19/12/2025 16:15

Without hesitation. If she works FT and has been responsible enough to be able to buy her own home, then yes, I absolutely would treat her.