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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you help adult DC to go on holiday for friend's 30th?

136 replies

needtowashthefloor · 19/12/2025 12:37

My DD is 26, works full time and bought her first house earlier this year. I know money is tight for her but she is fully financially independent from me. I actually think it's good for her to not have much (and have told her as much) at least once in her life so I don't bail her out, although I do occasionally take her out for lunch etc.
One of her friends from uni turns 30 next year and the friend has invited their uni friend group (about six girls) to go on a holiday abroad to celebrate. DD wants to go but is worried about how she is going to afford it. If you had the means, would you help to allow her to go? She has never been on holiday with the whole group, only a couple of holidays with one or two of her friends at a time.

OP posts:
MuyPuy · 19/12/2025 12:55

She has time to save up. If she still can’t afford it after budgeting, she can afford it.
id probably be happy to help out with spending money nearer the time but the holiday need to be budgeted and saved up for.

TheSeventh · 19/12/2025 12:57

Probably, how much is it/where are they going?

TiaKofi · 19/12/2025 12:57

Please do it! I’m a young woman who owns my own home and has 0 help from my parents and this will make her year. What a weight off for her to make amazing memories before her friends start settling down etc

Growlybear83 · 19/12/2025 12:58

Of course I would help out if I was able to.

TheCosyViewer · 19/12/2025 12:58

I definitely would.

TheCosyViewer · 19/12/2025 12:59

26 is very young to have bought a house. Maybe it would have been wiser to have a fun, care-free few years first.

starballoons · 19/12/2025 12:59

Absolutely I would and I know my mum would do this for me. If you have the means then I don’t really understand why you’re questioning it. It doesn’t sound like she asks for a lot from you.

Medexpert · 19/12/2025 12:59

Exactly the same situation for me. Also believe it does her good to know what its like to live on little, but a one off special holiday trip? Yes, I'd definitely pay for it.

Cherrytree86 · 19/12/2025 13:01

Yes. Pay for the full thing and give her plenty of spending money, OP
@needtowashthefloor

Mincepiefan · 19/12/2025 13:02

As Christmas and birthday presents and if it doesn't cause you hardship, yes. Even though your daughter isn't behaving in an entitled way, I probably wouldn't want to set an unconscious precedent by just giving her the money. The friendship group is likely to have other birthdays upcoming. But it would be a lovely Christmas/birthday present.

Medexpert · 19/12/2025 13:03

26 is very young to have bought a house. Maybe it would have been wiser to have a fun, care-free few years first
What a strange post! I think it's amazing to read about a young adult prioritising safety and investment over being care-free. At 26, I expect any young person have been care-free for many years already. At what age are adults supposed to stop just having fun?

Then again, it seems to be a societal issue where its considered the wise thing to do for as long as possible, until the tides naturally shift and its then too late to invest in the future.

Backtorealityerr · 19/12/2025 13:04

Yes absolutely.

cornflourblue · 19/12/2025 13:04

How much is it going to cost and are the other friends able to pay for the holiday? Is it a case of the birthday girl has a notion to go abroad and no-one wants to say that it's too over the top (like fancy hen dos or destination weddings)?

Is it worth chatting this through with her? I would definitely help her out, but my concern would be a precedent is set within the friendship group and there become multiple similar holidays to follow, which may still be beyond her affordability.

MeetTheBoss · 19/12/2025 13:05

I would. It sounds like she is financially responsible and it’s nice to do something nice for your children when you can

CuriousKangaroo · 19/12/2025 13:05

I definitely would. She has shown herself to be hardworking and responsible. It is so hard to buy a property for those in her age group these days, and must have involved previous and ongoing sacrifices in her social life as well as other areas of her life. I would happily pay for my DC to go on holiday in those circumstances. I would see it as a reward to them for being so brilliant and it would bring me joy to give them joy.

FrenchandSaunders · 19/12/2025 13:06

Yes I would def pay for this if I could afford it. I regularly treat my adult DDs .... they work hard and are lovely girls and it gives me pleasure.

AgnesX · 19/12/2025 13:06

No, welcome to the world of grown ups and budgets. If she wants to go that much she'll find a way.

Eyeshadow · 19/12/2025 13:06

I wouldn’t think twice.

Unless there is some back story that she’s an addict and might spend the money on something else or she has stolen from you or owes you a lot of money, then this would not even need to be a decision.

As long as it doesn’t leave you short.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 19/12/2025 13:06

Yes i would if I could afford it

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 19/12/2025 13:08

Yes

RichardOsmansfondueset · 19/12/2025 13:08

Yes absolutely offer to pay for the holiday as a treat. Don’t make it a loan or birthday present. She will never forget your generosity and kindness and will hopefully do the same for her children.

Eyeshadow · 19/12/2025 13:10

AgnesX · 19/12/2025 13:06

No, welcome to the world of grown ups and budgets. If she wants to go that much she'll find a way.

It’s not a case of ‘if she really wants to go she’ll find a way’.
Some people have got more privileged lifestyles than others.

OP may have inherited a house and have no rent to pay and married a wealthy man.

OPs DD may be renting (which is very expensive now) and be single.

It doesn’t mean DD is bad with money or doesn’t work hard.
She may just genuinely not have the money to go and if OP is in a more privileged position then why would she not treat her own child.

QuickBrown · 19/12/2025 13:10

If she's an only, then yes. If you have other children I'd have a think about how to mitigate against feelings of jealousy. I'd still do it if I wanted to, but with a bit of thought.

MsTiggy · 19/12/2025 13:11

Yes I would, and I do sometimes give them something towards things when I can. I didn’t have that and there were times when it would have made a huge difference to me. My parents would never help me out, and they could have. They just chose not to.

Japandi · 19/12/2025 13:12

For this specifically yes - because at my older age I totally value the female friendships that have sustained and supported me beyond family and partners. I would see it as an investment in her long term emotional health.

She sounds very hard working, sorted and financially astute - she might not have another opportunity to celebrate a milestone birthday like this with her female friends before marriages and babies take over