Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

You ignored consent of the parents, children and the school. You are saying consent doesn't matter. No doesn't mean no. Quite worrying you want to ignore consent.

When you next say no about your child would you be happy if someone said your consent didn't matter as they were more important than you and consent doesn't need to be respected.

How do you teach your kids about consent when you ignore what the word no means?

What would the case be about? What crime, what cause of action? 🙄

You don't think that given this poster has disclosed that they are at risk, they may not want that associated with other usernames? I'm a long time poster but I also nc to have a more honest discussion on this thread without it being attached to my other posts. Doesn't really speak to credibility at all given the nature of the topic.

I think there must be a serious world view difference here over how much faith you have in the average person that you'd risk your life and your kids lives on the word of someone you don't know.

I cannot comprehend that because I would never take that chance with my kid. I think other threads on mn on this topic have made it really clear that there are a lot of people out there who really don't have any awareness of safeguarding or the things other people are dealing with (which is great for them in lots of ways). But all it takes is one person who just doesn't think and then your kid is at risk? Or who says "oh no I wouldn't" but internally rolls their eyes and thinks how ott she is what would be the harm and does it anyway and then granny shares it or maybe they have public privacy settings... are you really happy to take that risk? Your decision at the end of the day but I really find that unusual. Most people who have been through what you have tend to err on the cynical for good reason because they want to feel safer.

Not read full thread but OP I also video my kids school nativity. I’m sure in our school it said something about not posting on social media, which I wouldn’t do anyway but was nice to be able to show grandparents who couldn’t come the kids part. It will probably never be watched again, and would never be shown to anyone other than immediate family, who respectfully couldn’t give a toss about any of the other kids

It’s the classic not considering there’s a bigger picture. You don’t know what’s going on in other people’s lives, you’re not entitled to know, so you remain oblivious. So you’re selfish & don’t consider there’s harm you could be doing & delude yourself that anyone not letting you do what you want is unreasonable. You are so unbelievably lucky that you live in a bubble where you think there isn’t a real concern.

There was this rule in place in the infant school when my ds was at 21 years ago. A small village school. Nobody covertly, or overtly, filmed anything because they were asked not to. I can still remember the sports days and nativity plays my ds was in even without any recordings! Though to be fair the school took some photos of those who were able to be photographed. Since 2003 up to last year when youngest dc left primary school there was this rule in place for each of the 5 infants/primary schools my 4 dc attended. It’s not a new rule. Nothing bad has happened to my dc by not being filmed.

Some people only care about their own. Others care about the wider community and especially those at risk. However minute that risk might be.

Head —-> meet brick wall 🤦🏽‍♀️

I expected this to be a blanket rule at my son’s school but they say we can film or take photos as long as we don’t post anything online 🤷🏻‍♀️

If it was a rule, however, I would accept it and not take pics.

I be late come back to this...a guy I worked with adopted two boys, no one knows how the birth father got in touch. The man I worked with moved away (supported by our company) but the boys were affected. Last thing I heard one boy was in a young offenders, the other back in care, the adoptive parents divorced...so yeah it's an extreme possibility....but why should the op take the risk over something so fucking trivial?

@Dramatic YABVU but you probably don’t care.

This obsession with taking photos and videos has got completely out of hand. I bet lots of these videos don’t get viewed and just sit taking up phone storage. If you’re focusing on secret filming (which can’t be easy) you’ll miss the live moment anyway.

Don’t other parents challenge you filming if you’re clearly breaking the rules?

No, it isn't worth the risk. My younger son's friend is vulnerable, he can't be filmed. But people still do, because they think the rules don't apply to them.

I couldn't go to my older son's Christmas concert this year, I couldn't afford it. I would have loved to have been there but I couldn't so had to suck it up.

Frankly I’d have more respect for the OP’s position if they were filming openly. They clearly believe they’re in the right and that their actions are harmless. Why resort to subterfuge? Film away and tell anyone who calls you out (the school, other parents, etc) what you’ve said here. Then deal with the real-world pushback or consequences. Although that’s a lot more difficult than trumpeting your position within an anonymous online forum.

And what exactly the consequences for her would be?
It is not illegal to take videos in school if they are for personal use https://ico.org.uk/for-the-public/schools/photos/

I personally do not film as all our schools did it themselves then ripped parents off for photos and videos, but I'm baffled at some posters threatening OP with police, courts and whatnot. Seriously?

Yes, that’s usually the reason.

There could be vulnerable children in the performance. Children in the care system, fostered, children living in safety who’ve escaped domestic violence etc.

You could secretly film the performance. Send to your husband. Your husband could then send on this mother. His mother could carelessly post the video on social media. And so on and so on.

Yes it seems a bit far fetched but the safety and safeguarding of children should come before anything.

If you secretly film a performance when the school has specifically asked you no to, then you’re an entitled idiot. Not just you OP, but to anyone who thinks they’re above the rules.

I was thinking more the practical consequences. Things like missing your child’s time performing because school staff are arguing with you to put your phone away, or the reactions of other parents. How awful it would be to miss your child’s moment onstage because another parent is confronting you about their child being in the frame.

According to this same source you cited, schools can set “no filming” guidelines for other, non-data-related reasons. So there might be school-set consequences like being kicked out of a performance, being banned from attending future performances or having your child barred from performing.

IOC guidance for schools

No I haven’t done this. Tell your DH to book the day off work next time.

The schools have these policies to safeguard children who may be no contact with parents who are violent etc. If you breach these policies the school would be within their rights to block you from attending future performances.

We can blame whoever came up with that accursed notion of ‘ making memories’.
It makes my teeth itch! You picture battalions of pushy mums thrusting camera lenses at staged happenings, rather than just letting five-year old Royston kick a ball around with his big cousin.
The concept of planning a family day in Lovelytown for the express purpose of ‘making memories’ makes my brain feel oddly bothered; something to do with there being too many tenses going on in one action!
The careful plan, the execution of it, and the future enjoyment of it when looking back, all these deliberately condensed into an activity in real time, yikes it makes me feel queasy. 😵‍💫

There is a reason it’s banned and for confidentiality reasons the school won’t go into detail about this. I understand the frustration at missing out, but rules are rules. My children’s primary schools allowed photos and videos but they were banned from being put online. yet many parents put them on social media with others’ children in clear view and nothing was done. It made me so angry so I’m glad they make it harder for this to happen now.

But there might be a very specific, risky situation involving one of the kids at your child’s current school that just didn’t exist at previous schools.

For example, in a class I taught (I’m being very vague on purpose), there was a child whose parent was banned from contact, had managed to track them down to a new area, turned up and did something horrible and distressing in front of the child. The resident parent then had to pack the children up, leave their home, and relocate. Naturally, they were completely terrified of being found again. These situations are relatively common, I’ve come across similar multiple times. Many schools will have no children in this position, and certain parents not allowing filming is a preference (one I totally support btw) and not attached to a specific, imminent threat to safety, in which case ‘by all means film but please don’t share on social media’ is probably sufficient. But some schools will have at least one child for whom being filmed could be dangerous, and at the very least distressing, because they may well know what could happen if a particular adult tracks them down.

In that situation, it would be perfectly reasonable for the school to ban all filming/photography at the new school to provide reassurance, even if the risk of the videos being shared is very low, just so that child could perform and their parent could watch and feel totally safe while doing it. You don’t know if the parent sitting next to you in the audience is in this sort of position. You know you’re not going to share it, but imagine the distress seeing someone filming your DC after that type of experience.

We've always been allowed to film and photograph performances but I prefer to watch my child and enjoy it without faffing about with my phone. I've always wondered what the kids think looking out at a sea of phones held up filming them and I prefer to think of my DC seeing me making eye contact with them and smiling/enjoying their show. I go for their benefit after all, not to document the event.

This is the definition of selfishness though. It is more important to you to have a video than comply with safeguarding rules. The vulnerable kids and the parents of those kids should be able to feel safe about this, and trust that other parents will be decent people. But obviously that's too much to ask.

Don't think you're unreasonable at all OP. I'm extremely grateful i left the UK years ago as everyone seems to have lost all common sense here. I couldn't make DS Christmas show 2 weeks ago but DH went and filmed it for me, which quite frankly should be normal. Noone minded because most people were doing the same thing to share with their families.

Look even if there was no good reasons and there obv are.you are being very entitled here aren't you My DH didn't always make it to every School event.i would tell him later on (with help from DS)! You are obv feeling a bit guilty or you wouldn't have asked here!