Would you/have you secretly filmed at your child's Nativity?

[Dramatic]

So our school has a policy that you aren't allowed to film/take photos at all, total blanket ban. They don't take photos or film themselves either.

My husband works away and never gets to see the plays so I secretly film them/take photos (just my child's part but there are others in the background) and I show the videos to him.

I don't put them on any social media or send them to anyone else, even Grandparents etc.

Aibu?

If the school allows it then it is fine as the school have done the risk assessment. Parents don't need to do more than the school ask. If the parents of vulnerable children feel the school is not doing enough then that is a problem but not one you would know about it so you would not be culpable.

If he was a perv it’s irrelevant whether or not she filmed it, he’s also a parent who could happily have sat there watching it in person.

Everyone is going on about consent and safeguarding and entitlement but nobody seems to be able to provide a reason why, in this case, there is a risk.

According to @Dramatic, there are different levels of consent and some don’t matter as much as others (see convo with @Taztoy upthread). Astonishing really!

No I'm not.

I'm with you, so long as it doesn't go any further than you and your DP who cares, or more importantly who knows.

Yes other parents / the school might get all wound up if they knew, but they don't, so no harm done!

One of my schools is the same I used my commen sense and put stickers o er anyone else's children if I post .
The obvious solution is to allow parents to take a individual photo after the performance or school to video themselves and put on a school app with vulnerable and unconsented children pixelated out .
To have no images/videos at all available if you wish of your little ones milestones is unfair.
It's is perfectly reasonable and doable to facilitate bot spades of opinion.

Do you even understand what the term vulnerable children means?
Do you understand that someone in that group might be in hiding from violent abusive people in their lives who could track them down through a photo or video? Do you understand that these children and families would need to uproot their entire lives to move and start again if their location was disclosed? And this isn't hyperbole - I've seen it happen and it's absolutely heartbreaking!
Just because you say you're not sharing it with anyone doesn't make you exempt from the rules. If a mum or child who was in such a situation saw you filming imagine the anxiety and worry you'd put them through.
Is it really worth it to show your husband how cute your kid looked?

Because the school knows FAR more about the kids on that stage then you do. That's how they can accurately risk assess photos and videos and you can't. Because you know fuck all about how vulnerable or not any of those kids are.
Aren't you embarrassed by this thread? Countless people have explained to you why what you're doing is wrong. People have explained the real life, awful consequences of dickheads like you thinking the rules don't apply to them because they're so special. But you're still wanging how you wanting to take a creepy covert video is more important than potentially keeping a small child safe.

Of course there's different levels FFS. As if you're trying to say filming with no consequence is the same as raping someone.

OP, you are the sort of parent who thinks they know best - and you don't.
Parents like you in schools, events and theatres are a nightmare for staff.
There are important safeguarding reasons why filming isn't allowed.
And you also shouldn't be teaching your child that it's OK to break school rules.
Your husband will just have to miss things - like all our parents did back in the day.

Yes I understand that, and I also understand that there is zero chance of that happening through the video I took.

Well apart from the fact that you shouldn’t know whether there are vulnerable children there or not, the school may be in the wrong, that doesn’t detract from the fact that if you’ve been explicitly told not to film or photograph and go ahead and do it anyway, you are definitely in the wrong. And stunningly selfish and entitled. But I think that’s been pointed out a few times already.

Yabvvvvvu. You no idea how dangerous this is and potentially life threatening. As a direct result of someone photograph a school year the mum who had abused her children and who had no idea turned up threatening all the children and staff and school had to go into lockdown and two children were torn from a safe house and moved miles away For their safety. The photo didn't go onto social media either it was just shared to a family member who accidentally showed someone who shouldn't have seen it. You do not ever photo of video children if told not too . The memory of that we never forgotten.

Apparently you're a terrible person for wanting that though.

Because it's unbelievably disrespectful, selfish and entitled!
Why are you so special that you can't just sit and enjoy the moment? Does EVERYTHING need to be recorded?
Oh and your child knows - and they know you deliberately broke the school rules with Ero concern so you've taught them a great lesson there. Great role model!

Just wanted to say in that case my foster children who were at a high risk of abduction would not be able to attend those events. They miss out on things like sports days which can be filmed without anyone realising. Or a walk into town with school uniform on. So many things have to be missed. All a foster child wants is to be "normal" but of course these things mean they are anything but.

However, it would be lovely if the child could be safe within a school hall performing a nativity and therefore able to attend it as "normal". But as I said earlier after a parent did video a nativity (and she said she would not post on social media) the child had to move schools.

Totally irrelevant because I haven't done that.

I guarantee you that you absolutely do not know that no other parents (or staff), whether of vulnerable/protected children or not, saw your “discrete” recording! Or who you may have upset or worried in the process. You could well be about to still find that out!

But mum Mrs X said we weren't allowed to take photos or videos.
Don't worry darling you don't need to listen to what the teacher says - YOU'RE special!
Ridiculous! 😜

This is the crux of it. People are annoyed at the fact that there are rules which the majority follow (although I suspect op isn’t the only one who doesn’t) and because you haven’t then you are entitled. I get it and am inclined to agree. But let’s be honest about that rather than pretending that what the op did is a legitimate risk to any child. It really isn’t.

I do not been to nit pick, really, but there are many different levels of vulnerability. And of course, any of us as parents, do not know the exact circumstances of any other family. Of my foster children over the years who would be categorised as vulnerable, would not be at risk of harm if appearing in photographs - but for others (as I have mentioned) it could be extremely dangerous.

They all know that you're the one filming OP - there's always one or two who can't help themselves - other parents / staff will all know you're doing it.

We all know the rules and you choose to ignore them.

If you've got such an issue with it why not actually talk to your child's school and ask? Just a thought...

We have no idea whether or not it is a risk and it's not a gamble worth taking.
Just don't do it. You've been told no so just don't do it.

It’s not a risk. It’s not being shared anywhere. It’s being seen by the op who was there and her dh who also could have been there if he was able to.
She’s gone against rules. It is entitled to do so. But it isn’t a risk to anyone.

The only thing the OP has done to cause upset is to tell other people - we all break rules, but generally we don't tell - because that gets us in trouble - as with many rules, if no one knows you bent a rule, nothing happens.

I'm not supposed to stand on school desks and chairs to replace light fittings, but of course I do when no one is about and the health and safety massive have gone home!