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Original poster

Can I ask brother to buy presents for my children

147 replies

ThatRubyMoose · 18/12/2025 19:08

My brother and I are quite close, he will text me and I see him for lunch two or three times a month; I can pop into where he works to see him.

He is generous in that if we’re out he will pick up the tab but was always a bit crap when it came to birthdays and Christmas. About six years ago he and Sister-in-Law just announced that they weren’t going to do presents and to be fair did not expect any.

When we bought a doer upper a couple of years ago I explained to SiL what I had planned when we had the money. They then spent around £500 on what I wanted which was so generous.

My daughters are now saying how upset they are about how both brother and sister in-law don’t get them presents and the older one thinks they dislike her. Their indifference to my daughters upsets me.

Given that he is so generous in other ways would I come over as rude and entitled with rude and entitled kids to ask him to get them something?

OP posts:
JemimaTiggywinkles · 18/12/2025 19:14

Can’t you just tell your kids that your brother doesn’t buy any presents? Make it clear to them it isn’t personal, as is demonstrated by the fact he doesn’t buy them for you and you don’t for him. They are currently believing that a person only cares about you if they buy you stuff and I’d be very keen to address that tbh.

But no, don’t ask your brother to buy gifts. He’s already said he doesn’t so you would be unreasonable to ask.

Waitinglucy · 18/12/2025 19:14

My daughters are now saying how upset they are about how both brother and sister in-law don’t get them presents and the older one thinks they dislike her.

oh dear

Allswellthatendswelll · 18/12/2025 19:15

Do they have kids? Do you buy for their kids?

I'd just explain to my kids that not everyone buys presents and presents aren't a sign of liking or not liking someone.

mondaytosunday · 18/12/2025 19:15

No you can not ask him. How old are your kids? You can explain they just don’t buy presents end of. Surely this is a ‘life lesson’ moment?

verycloakanddaggers · 18/12/2025 19:16

Just explain to your DD that some people choose not to buy gifts, and that's what he does, and it doesn't mean anything.

LighthouseLED · 18/12/2025 19:16

Yes, I think that would be entitled to specifically ask.

Fine to talk to your brother and SIL about how your DDs would like a closer relationship (if this is the case, and they don’t just want more presents). But it’s also an important lesson for your DDs that love and care isn’t measured in gifts. Explain to them that people show affection in different ways, not everyone gives presents, and it certainly doesn’t mean that they are disliked by their uncle and aunt.

shhblackbag · 18/12/2025 19:16

I'd just explain to my kids that not everyone buys presents and presents aren't a sign of liking or not liking someone.

Agree. Because it isn't. And that's a good thing to learn.

And no, you shouldn't ask him.

Sunshineo · 18/12/2025 19:17

How old are your dc?
What are you saying when they come out with nonsense like that?

Don’t be rude to your brother.

Clefable · 18/12/2025 19:19

No, he’s perfectly entitled not to give gifts and I’d be a bit annoyed if my kids complained about it tbh. I would be having a chat about how they aren’t entitled to gifts from anyone, and gifts aren’t a marker of how much someone cares.

Politicians247UnderwearExtinguishingService · 18/12/2025 19:20

Eh? When they specifically said that they weren't doing presents anymore - either giving or receiving - didn't just 'forget' but made an active decision?

They're obviously far from mean, but it sounds like they just prefer to step up and meet an expressed need/desire as and when, rather than just get something random that people may or may not like, just because a certain date has rolled around on the calendar.

I think you would be better explaining to your DDs that some people don't celebrate Christmas at all; and of the people who DO celebrate it, many do so differently and follow all kinds of different traditions.

They don't love them any the less because they've decided to change their own preferred traditions; it's not like they're giving everybody else except them presents. By the sounds of it, they very well may be extremely generous to your DDs throughout their lives - but just not within the restrictions of Christmas presents.

gamerchick · 18/12/2025 19:22

I think I'd be having a stern words with my kids rather than asking for gifts. Why are they coming out with that?

zipadeedodah · 18/12/2025 19:31

Do your kids go without OP?

youalright · 18/12/2025 19:32

Surely this is something you explain and shut down as soon as it comes out of your kids mouths not drag it out and make an issue of it.

FuzzyWolf · 18/12/2025 19:33

More important is your children are growing up with the entitled attitude that people should buy them things. That’s what you should be focusing on and make it clear that it’s not to be expected and some people don’t buy for anyone.

lightningatmidnight · 18/12/2025 19:35

As everyone has said, how old are your kids? 3/4 and I can understand their reaction, any older and you should be able to explain to them the situation. Agree it’s a bit unnecessary - presents can cost £2 and be picked up with the weekly shop. It shows indifference

EmeraldShamrock000 · 18/12/2025 19:35

I wouldn’t ask him, they’ve already said that they are not exchanging Christmas gifts.

CoastalCalm · 18/12/2025 19:35

Just explain you don’t exchange gifts - have you made them aware they have more money and raised an expectation in them ? Why would they suddenly mention this

LovelyBitOfSquirrrel · 18/12/2025 19:36

I think the key here is teaching your children love is not shown by monetary presents but actions

Tablesandchairs23 · 18/12/2025 19:38

You need to explain to your kids that your brother doesn't buy presents in general. Not let your kids have an entitled attitude.

Cosyblankets · 18/12/2025 19:39

Did your daughters used to thank them?
I stopped buying for some younger members of the family. Didn't see them that often and the gifts often went without so much as an acknowledgement from either the children or their parents. It wasn't a case of thank you when it was handed over as they were often left with a relative and the parents took them from there so i thought what's the point and i stopped.

Abitofapain · 18/12/2025 19:42

MIL has never bought my kids one present - they have never complained - it's not what she does, my own parents weren't much better but my dcs know presents don't equal love - because we have taught them that . Do not ask your brother to buy gifts for your kids - that is an awful message to send your kids.

PollyBell · 18/12/2025 19:46

No you dont ask people to buy presents

Ivy888 · 18/12/2025 19:53

Sorry op, your kids sound very entitled /spoilt. You should have explained to them that you don’t exchange presents with your brother. Of course you don’t ask people to buy presents! That’s just rude and entitled.

Pineapplewaves · 18/12/2025 19:55

No you can’t - your DB and SIL have already said that they don’t do presents so sit your DC down and tell them that, explain that it’s nothing personal to do with them. Your DC should not be expecting a gift from anyone.

Original poster
ThatRubyMoose · 18/12/2025 19:58

They are five and almost ten. They have no memory of him buying anything for them.

I have told them that he doesn’t buy anything at Christmas and it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care for them, not that I think he does particularly.

They will buy something for me if I invite them somewhere for my birthday, always expensive but if I don’t celebrate or ask them somewhere it will be ignored.

For my eldest she does have issues around presents as my in-laws (she is my husband’s stepdaughter) only buy a birthday present for my youngest and a smaller present at Christmas.

I would like my brother to step up for them but he is indifferent. This upsets me but I always kept it to myself now I think they realise it too.

OP posts: