Christmas dinner invite taken back due to grown up sons hissy fit

[Darkcat]

Earlier this year, I was invited to spend Christmas Day with my partner’s family. That invitation was made months ago, and I’d been planning around it.

Recently, however—just a week before Christmas—one adult member of the family has decided they don’t want me present and has pushed for the invitation to be withdrawn. On top of that, they’ve also stated that I’m no longer welcome at my partner’s home where he lives.

This has left me in a difficult position. With such short notice, it’s too late to make alternative plans, especially as my own child has already arranged to spend the holidays elsewhere.

I’m struggling with whether it’s unreasonable to expect my partner to stand up for me and say that I should still be included, particularly given that I haven’t caused any conflict or done anything to justify this reaction. At the moment, it feels like the situation is being allowed to continue without challenge, despite the fact that everyone involved is an adult.

I’ve had positive interaction with this his son until recently he took a dislike to me with no reason given to me by my partner who just told me he doesn’t like me anymore.

There will be a reason. Your partner just hasn’t told you what it is.

My gut feeling is that your partner should have the balls to tell his son to have some respect and grow up. But he’s clearly with his son on this otherwise he’d back you up. It does sound on first impression to be more a DP problem.

I’m no longer welcome at my partner’s home where he lives

If he’s worth his salt then he won’t be dictated to by a 28 year old who still lives at home with his Dad.

How long have you been together op?
Who is hosting - your partner or his parents?
We need answers.

You haven't said anything at all about what your partner thinks?

On top of that, they’ve also stated that I’m no longer welcome at my partner’s home where he lives

Oh come on surely that's up to your partner!

Ironically, though, if it chimes the death knell of the relationship it achieves what the person having the hissy fit intended.

My thoughts too.
Life is too short to be with a man that is unable to challenge the ridiculous behaviour of his adult son.
To be completely honest it would give me a weird vibe that I'd be unable to get past and I'd certainly feel unable to have sex with such a weak person.

You can't go; it would feel weird to be where a person doesn't want you.
Is the son disabled? Does he have form for disliking people?
How long have you and your partner been together?

It makes sense that your partner would, on the account of his son's irrational feelings, decide to spend the bulk of the day with you and just pop around to his family for an hour to exchange gifts and have a cup of tea.

It is very disheartening, Op.
Order in a beautiful packaged meal and spend the day at home or singing carols and volunteering at the local church that provides Christmas dinner for many.

That 'one adult' should be asked to explain
Also, your partner should state that he's not going to be there without you and now he's unhappy
Just feeling that there's more to the 'hissy fit' scenario than we've been told
What's this about you not being welcome at partners home, Dictated who?
And another thing, from how your partner handles this, you'll have idea of your true worth to him.....

You need a serious conversation with your partner. If everything was ok before and now suddenly it isn't there will be a reason, you just haven't been told what it is.

Either his son is being completely unreasonable, in which case your partner should be arranging to spend Xmas with you, or you've done something without realising to upset his son and you need to know what that is before there's any chance of making amends.

Either way it needs talking about ASAP, ignoring it is just going to cause a load of resentment.

there must be more to this, you need to get your dh to open up

Yes, what has partner's response been?

Are DPs parents pandering to this or is this via DP?

I would fully be expecting DP to have my back on this if everything you say is true and hes just taken a dislike to you.

Im sorry that sounds very hurtful.
Has the invitation been withdrawn or is the adult son just "pushing "for it to be withdrawn?
What does your partner feel about this turn of events and more importantly what is he going to do?

He probably invited you months ago but sprung it on his son at the last minute, and in doing that, changed the dynamics of the day everyone else thought they were having. It changes things when a new partner is brought to a family occasion and it becomes about getting to know them more than anything else. That’s probably not what anyone else wants for their Christmas Day, even if they have no problem with the new partner.

He can’t stick up for you because he caused the problem by not asking his family if they minded him inviting you first. I don’t think a decent man would fall out with his parents and son over their Christmas by forcing an uninvited guest on then anyway.

Appropriate response is "ok then" and then never speak to the partner again. That's not a son problem but a partner problem.

Even if he did insist you came to christmas despite his sons wishes it would be awkward now as you would spend the whole time knowing you wernt really wanted. This relationship is dead in the water now. Christmas solo can be quite nice, not having to please anyone eat and drink what you want slob about or dress up spend the day in the bath cook your favourite or live off pringles and quality street.
But think about whether you want this part time boyfriend

@Darkcat how new is the relationship?

Have things been moving in a more serious relationship recently?

It might be that DSS was fine with his Dad having a casual girlfriend but is unhappy at the potential thought of a new wife / live in girlfriend. Being there at the heart of a family holiday moment might have been a trigger.

I agree that this is a partner problem.

He's done nothing but make you feel small. Has he even so much as apologised? Surely you'd have mentioned if he had. And

How long have you been together?

"On top of that, they’ve also stated that I’m no longer welcome at my partner’s home where he lives."
How lovely, how caring of him to pass this message on to you! And he has no say in the matter? I'd be reassessing the relationship.

I'd ask DP what has been said for his DS to react like this or is that an excuse and it's his DP that don't want you there? Maybe his ex wife is invited. Whatever the reason to be un-invited I'd ask for the truth, then I'd buy whatever food I really enjoy, box of chocolates, sit down and plan what I'm going to watch, TV, film, DVD etc., then think wether there's anyway this so called relationship is going to work. I doubt it very much, if your not welcome at his house, you'll be like "the other woman" meeting in secret.

How old are you? Big age difference in DC

Yeah, fuck that. Do you really want a relationship with someone who has a (based on this thread) drippy & dramatic practically 30 year old living at home, throwing tantrums and won’t stand up to them?
I’d 1000% call time on this. Buy yourself some reaaaally nice toiletries and new pjs. Pamper yourself. Champagne breakfast. Nice walk. Maybe pop to your local pub for a glass of wine midday. Home for your favourite dinner and watch your absolute favourite thing on TV.

28! He’s being childish, unless there really is a backstory.

Why would the 9yo choose to be away from mum at Christmas. Preferring to travel far to see the dad.

Seems an odd choice to me maybe DD doesn't like the partner.

Od be reconsidering the whole relationship tbh.