Why do men hate women so much?

[growingsideway]

I’m on the larger side, a size 18. Walking back from work with my headphones in and on my phone and a guy leans out of his car window (passenger side) in slow moving traffic, barks at me like a dog and calls me a fat bitch. Him and his mates in the car then crack up at it and find themselves absolutely hilarious as they’re crawling along next to me.

I know it’s silly to be so upset by it because it’s such a silly thing for them to do, but they took me by surprise and gave me a fright and I just don’t get it. Why are men like this?

But not shouting things out of windows doesn’t automatically mean you’re not sexist to any degree. It just means you don’t shout things out of windows.

I once picked up a dress from a dry cleaners for an event I was going to and was really excited about, walking down a busy road and a van drove past and the passenger spat at me. Hit me on the side of my head. They then drove off laughing.
I felt so humiliated and embarrassed and upset by it that I didn't end up going to the event.
I don't know why some men are like this, I guess it's because they are inadequate.

Many men don’t understand that their feelings are a them-problem, so they throw them back at whatever woman evoked them, with rage.

Absolutely, 100%.

You shouldn't have felt humiliated, they were the people who should have felt embarrassed. If that had happened to me I would have thought what was wrong with them, not me.

I do think there are good men but I think they are still often just blind to the experiences of being female in this world. DH and I have talked about it and he was surprised at the level of aggression I’ve got for just turning down a drink for example. It wouldn’t occur to him to behave like that and he wouldn’t hang out with men who behave like that. He really doesn’t get how common it is for women to be sexually harassed, belittled and insulted.

He is a decent man who treats women decently (not just ones he finds attractive) he speaks to all the school mums in exactly the same way, he has work friends who are female of all different appearances etc, he pulls his weight with kids and home. They do exist but if I’m being honest he is literally the only man I have met who is just like that. A significant minority of men are actively hostile to women. He still hadn’t realised how fucking awfully women are treated even though he’s been around men all his life.

So yeah there are good men but I still think they are blind.

Oh I completely agree with that. But the OP was asking specifically about men who shout things at women in the street or post things online.

I suppose all we can do on an individual level is ensure, to the best of our ability, that the men we choose to have in our lives and the men we choose to raise with them are better.

Well, one of the reasons is that it’s an issue men don’t get involved in. Men need to step up and parent their children. How can boys grow up to be good men if they aren’t parented by good men?

Quite

My husband spends a lot of time with our son, just chatting.

And he parented our children as much as I did.

And our daughter too before anyone asks!!

If it’s any consolation you also get abuse if you are young / conventionally attractive. Proving 1. It’s not personal 2. Women can’t escape male abuse whatever shape they are

My recently retired former primary school teacher happily married for decades mum was walking down the road and a car full of men shouted “slag” at her. It was so awful it was actually funny.

I agree with this too.

My partner of 4 years has said that being with me has completely opened his eyes because we talk about things like this.

He is also a decent man but didn't understand the difference in experience for women.

How could he? No one had told him and he can't see the world through a woman's eyes.

I've had some eye opening conversations with men over the years.

The one who described women as 'perfect ethereal beings'; the one who genuinely didn't believe women have any greater motivation for doing anything than being attractive to men; the ones who regard women as they gatekeepers of sex; the one who believed some women (not all) were 'too good' for sex or, as he put it, "Too good to have that done to them,'; the one who believed women who challenged poor behaviour were just jealous that they weren't the recipient...

But men don't believe these things because it's inherent in them. They've learnt it from somewhere - films and media in general, home.

Look at the way men and women are represented in films.

Boys learn from a young age what men and women 'should' be. Just as girls do. And as many women perpetuate 'boys will be boys' as men do. Even on here, women's poor choices in men or what they expect/will accept in a relationship is often put down to 'socialisation' and so a woman isn't responsible for her choice. And it's true - it is down to socialisation. But that's equally true for men.

Society as a whole is responsible for this.

It could change it. But it won't.

We are raising them. Until about the age of about 4. After that it's a combination of societal influences, media and peers. By the time they hit their teens, their biggest influence will be the friendship group they're in. We can do our best to raise them with good values and set strong foundations, to police their access to malign influence, but frankly any mother who thinks her own influence on her growing son is more powerful than social media, other men, and his mates is highly likely deluding herself.
We all hope our sons will have the inate decency and strength of character to do what's right, but we are typically herd animals with a strong desire to fit into the culture of our peers, so much is about keeping your fingers crossed they end up in a good one.
Of that car of 5, it only took one vile active abuser to be the one with the influence and social power, a couple to egg him on as fawning behaviour, and another couple too craven to say anything in case they became victims. And there you have it, a car full of men behaving despicably. Who may have been raised well by mothers confident they're good men.

I’d be here all day if I typed all the abuse / perving I’ve had.

Never had anything from women bar sweet compliments on my outfit. To all the men defenders I shall draw my own conclusions from 50 years lived experience 🙄🙄

If it’s any consolation op some men threw an egg at me once! And I was 19 and gorgeous!

Trouble is there aren't too many men who do get involved with parenting but thats no excuse.

However, me and my brother were bought up by our mum, no male influences at all, he wouldn't dream of shouting abuse at a woman, our mum drummed into us the importance of respect and manners.

Men who do shout abuse are usually inadequate & of low intelligence.

I'm pleased the Govt is now going to introduce anti misogyny classes into schools, we do need to counter the Andrew Tates of this world.

A pity other parties are poo hooing this idea.

Very well said! 👏

DH is like a pp DH sees women as actual people. What’s depressing is he is treated as some sort of amazing outlier and I am very “lucky” etc. He basically acts like a normal woman would.

All I have to say is Gisele Pelicot. Fathers, grandfathers,husbands, firefighters, journalists, sports coach, soldiers….

Not all men but always men. The way they behave is horrendous. It always seems to be worse when they’re in a group, it’s like a pack mentality. I went for a lovely meal and there was a big table of blokes over the other side. They spent the whole meal loudly commenting on women’s bodies, showing each other videos and pictures of women they presumably knew and discussing in a crude way. Adult blokes in their 30s and 40s. I’ve also had men yell stuff from cars when I’m walking along. I always pretend I can’t hear as I have my earphones in. It loses its effect if you don’t pay them any attention.

Sorry but mums of teen boys can be absolutely deluded. Dd met one when waitressing at a party she was twittering on that she bet all the girls loved her son Jack etc. Err no he’s a misogynistic twat who pesters girls for nudes. Dd was too polite to say so but it was the truth.

I can believe it. This particular POS wasn't a BF, he was a beat copper back in the day when they still walked around in pairs. I was a teenager and he assaulted me. Hi s partner had enough grace to look embarrassed.

That’s really horrible and I’m sorry that happened to you 😔 I wouldn’t say it’s all men. My family is female dominated and the men in my family would do everything to protect us. I’m a size 16 and my partner lovesssss my shape and size. So it’s definitely not all men but Insecure pig men who probably have nothing better to do and never even touched a woman xx

Nah, I was heckled by women in car and called fat. I’m not fat. Some people are just bullies. Physical advantage makes men more bold about it but women can be just as bad. They just do it different ways.

Are you suggesting that shouting abuse (and sexual comments, including to teen children in school uniform) is an observed pattern of female behaviour? Do you have any evidence that this happens regularly? So if you asked a group of women, you think most would agree that they have been abused by women in cars as often as by men?
Because when we decide whether one group is 'just as bad' as another, we need to look at patterns, not isolated exceptions.

This was absolutely horrible, but no, it didn't surprise of shock me, sadly. My F was a seemingly respectable man, and I'm sure the other men involved would have been ‘pilars’ of the community too.

Other men I know who were abusive included my DM’s uncle, who sexually abused her when she moved in with him and her aunt after her parents died when she was 10. My DSis’ abusive exH (her second DH is lovely to balance that), I didn't realise just how bad it had been until after they split up. (I supported her through her divorce.

The second H of a good friend, who sexually abused her teenage DD. Rather than supporting her, her family empathised with him! Her pastor, who I had thought of as a decent man, told her it was her fault for not being a ‘good enough wife’. He also told her not to go to the police so as not to bring ‘shame on the church’. (She ignored him thankfully.)

So I wasn't shocked at all about Gisele Pelicot. Angry about yet another vile abuser, obviously. As well as feeling awful for her and her DD, but how brave they are nevertheless.

But it didn't change my view of men. Whilst I still do trust my DH and 2 BILs, I'm still wary by default.