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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House guest unwell — should they stay or leave?

423 replies

grittie · 18/12/2025 04:57

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 18/12/2025 10:20

One response @grittie
You ensure she's welcome to recover in situ.
The food goes in the freezer or is offered to a family member to prep for the gatjering at theirs.

You, your DH and son do not go to the gathering or panto as you might be hosting the bug and infectious before it hits you.
It's about priorities and in these circs your guest is your priority.

Or, you suggest she goes and early on she has the measure of your son's family and can make an objective decision about whether she woukd ever want to be a part of it. It may be a lucky escape for her.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 18/12/2025 10:21

What did you do,@grittie?

diddl · 18/12/2025 10:22

Christ, don’t even contemplate going to the panto. You could ruin a lot of people’s Christmas with that type of selfishness

Well that might depend on what the GF has?

Blueyrocks · 18/12/2025 10:22

If my in laws sent me on a 4 hour journey home while I had a stomach bug, I'd never forgive them and nor would my DH. I'd hope you both got explosive diarrhea on long journeys by public transport in your fanciest clothes, and everyone laughed at you. Maybe even recorded it to put on Facebook for all your friends to see. Humiliation, see.

Your husband's suggestion is contemptible, and it's despicable of you to even consider it. Your son, if he's a halfway decent person, will think less of you for this if he finds out, whether he marries this girlfriend or not.

Sundazie · 18/12/2025 10:23

Your son has probably caught it anyway. If it’s in your house I think you need to cancel plans over the next few days. She can’t travel for 4 hours feeling so ill.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 18/12/2025 10:23

Let's consider the nitty gritty practicalities of DH's suggestion. If she has the shits, is he prepared to go out and purchase adult nappies or puppy pads for her to sit on in the car? What about sick bowls? Who is going to be the one doing the driving? If its her how is she going to concerntrate on the road? If it is DS what happens if he gets sick while driving on the motorway.

You have to accept that there is sickness in the house, one of you could have passed it to her asymptomatically. You have to adjust your plans accordingly.

On a side not I strongly suspect you will end up as the 'other' grandparents one day given you have both considered treating a potential DIL in such a horrible way.

GreenGarlic · 18/12/2025 10:27

Do you have a stable that she could stay in?

AuntieMeemz · 18/12/2025 10:28

I feel for you. I think I'd ask her what she would be happy doing. (she might say she'd rather go home-and you can offer things to make it a better journey) even with a stomach ilness,
it won't be that awful to travel, if she has paracetamol etc. I too, would be worried about it spreading and all the others plans made. Also, suggest she see a Dr, to find out what it is. If you can isolate her, and your son can look after her, that might work. That way you are caring for her and protecting everything and everyone else.
Travelodge is a good idea though. You can care for her, send food etc.

Livpool · 18/12/2025 10:29

She can’t go home. Do they have a bathroom to themselves? If so they can self isolate

Eyeshadow · 18/12/2025 10:30

I would look into nearby hotels and if she’s happy drop her off with a bag of toilet roll, lucozade, pain killers and snacks.

There’s nothing worse than being in someone else’s home when you’re poorly.

Unfortunately, if this is the same bug as I caught a few days ago then most of your household will likely get it.

A PP said it’s spread by the fecal oral route but not this one as the person I caught it off I met for a walk outdoors and spent less than 10mins in the car with them.

I would try not to have any visitors for at least 2 days after she’s better.
You don’t want all your guests getting poorly right before cans and I’d be honest about it so they can make their own choice.

Eyeshadow · 18/12/2025 10:32

Livpool · 18/12/2025 10:29

She can’t go home. Do they have a bathroom to themselves? If so they can self isolate

I also agree with this.
If they’ve got their own bathroom then the best thing to do would be to isolate in their room and you just leave things outside their door.

Or if you have 2 bathrooms everyone else use the other one.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 18/12/2025 10:32

I think she's incredibly rude for not trying to leave. She's going to ruin everyone else's Christmas plans. I wouldn't dream of treating someone else's house as my sick bed.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 18/12/2025 10:33

AuntieMeemz · 18/12/2025 10:28

I feel for you. I think I'd ask her what she would be happy doing. (she might say she'd rather go home-and you can offer things to make it a better journey) even with a stomach ilness,
it won't be that awful to travel, if she has paracetamol etc. I too, would be worried about it spreading and all the others plans made. Also, suggest she see a Dr, to find out what it is. If you can isolate her, and your son can look after her, that might work. That way you are caring for her and protecting everything and everyone else.
Travelodge is a good idea though. You can care for her, send food etc.

Don't ask her what she would prefer, that is as good as asking her to go home. If she could travel I'm sure she would have left already.
A doctor won't see her for a stomach bug unless she is experiencing complications and she shouldn't go out and sit in a waiting room with vulnerable people unless it is necessary.

BlondeFool · 18/12/2025 10:34

RabbitsEatPancakes · 18/12/2025 10:32

I think she's incredibly rude for not trying to leave. She's going to ruin everyone else's Christmas plans. I wouldn't dream of treating someone else's house as my sick bed.

Ridiculous. How she supposed to leave whilst throwing up?

This thread gets more silly.

IkeaMeatballGravy · 18/12/2025 10:35

RabbitsEatPancakes · 18/12/2025 10:32

I think she's incredibly rude for not trying to leave. She's going to ruin everyone else's Christmas plans. I wouldn't dream of treating someone else's house as my sick bed.

Not half as rude as causing a car accident right before Christmas by puking behind the wheel on the motorway.

Abitofapain · 18/12/2025 10:36

I don't think you can ask someone with a stomach bug to travel 4 hours by car. Your ds should look after her.

MrsDoubtingMyself · 18/12/2025 10:36

Abitofapain · 18/12/2025 10:36

I don't think you can ask someone with a stomach bug to travel 4 hours by car. Your ds should look after her.

Yes. And the guests should be told so that they can choose not to turn up

gannett · 18/12/2025 10:37

In terms of your Xmas plans it doesn't matter whether she stays or goes. The sickness is in your house already and you need to tell your imminent guests, at the very least, but ideally cancel them completely.

Obviously in terms of being a normal sympathetic human being your priority should be to look after the poor girl.

You don't need to "gently suggest" that she goes elsewhere - I'm sure she'd love nothing more than to go home and if she felt remotely able to do it, she would.

Sucks for your plans but shit happens. If it was you or your husband or son who'd got the bug you'd know exactly what to do.

crossstitchingnana · 18/12/2025 10:41

DO NOT HOST. One of my family members came to stay one Christmas, having been to a get-together the day before they left to travel to us. They came down with D and V on Christmas Day, then everyone else got ill in turn. Turned out one member of the get-together had been sick that morning, 26 of the 28 there had it over Christmas. I reckon about 100 people had their festivities ruined because one person could not stay at home.

ClawedButler · 18/12/2025 10:43

Is there not a nice gutter nearby you could kick the poor girl into?

Superscientist · 18/12/2025 10:43

If they can make the journey comfortably yes. I have driven my partner home when he was visiting me at my parents for new year's. He had been planning on getting the train back on the 2nd Jan. I drove him back on the 30th and then went back to my parents the following morning. It was a 2.5h drive each way. He wouldn't have managed that with a sickness bug.

Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas · 18/12/2025 10:44

@whatsupwithmyhead no

But op mentioned as part of her argument we don't know her well. .I was therefore saying one day she may literally be carrying your genes which is incredibly intimate and bearing the grandchildren and possibly even offering care when op is elderly . All these early interactions shape the future relationship

starfishmummy · 18/12/2025 10:45

I'd be trying to domsomething about the people.coming for a.meal - either taking everything and cooking at one of the guests houses or cancelling.

Also maybe talk to your her or your son about how she is feeling. I'd be uncomfortable at having to do bathroom dashes in what js basically a strangers home.

MangoPizza · 18/12/2025 10:45

If they end up getting married she will either remember you being kind and taking care of her this Christmas when you barely knew each other, or remember that you sent her away.

Chainy · 18/12/2025 10:54

Do you really need to ask? Look after the poor girl! I’m sure she wants to be home as much as you want her out your house but 4 hours in a car with a vomiting bug 😱. You cancel the meal tonight and go ahead with the day out tomorrow