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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

House guest unwell — should they stay or leave?

423 replies

grittie · 18/12/2025 04:57

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

OP posts:
blankcanvas3 · 18/12/2025 10:57

God the poor girl must be mortified. Even if your son drove her back it would still be an awful journey. You should tell your guests that’s a stomach bug in the house and let them decide. I’ve looked after my DS’s girlfriend when she’s been poorly in our house before, I just treated her as I would my child if they were sick.

billiongulls · 18/12/2025 11:00

I wouldn't dream of asking her to leave

SodiumNitritePlease · 18/12/2025 11:01

diddl · 18/12/2025 10:22

Christ, don’t even contemplate going to the panto. You could ruin a lot of people’s Christmas with that type of selfishness

Well that might depend on what the GF has?

Yes but as they don’t know that, the considerate thing to do is to assume that it is contagious and not risk spreading it

godmum56 · 18/12/2025 11:02

Remaker · 18/12/2025 05:31

The sickness bug is in your house now. Your responsibility is to stop it spreading further, not to kick out the sick person to travel 4 hours! You need to cancel your dinner and for any other social events let people know in advance that you have a sickness bug at home so they can cancel if they prefer.

This absolutely.

Floundering66 · 18/12/2025 11:04

I couldn’t put someone through that. She’s probably feeling awful about still being there and wants to go asap. The last thing anyone wants to do is a four hour car journey with a stomach bug.

TheTaupeScroller · 18/12/2025 11:04

Kicking out someone because they are sick. I've heard it all now. Poor girl

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 18/12/2025 11:06

Your husband wants to throw this poor woman out? Wow. What an utter bastard.

surprisebaby12 · 18/12/2025 11:07

That would be a great way to push away your son. Take care of her like you’d take care of your own child

Edinburghdaze · 18/12/2025 11:08

Remaker · 18/12/2025 05:31

The sickness bug is in your house now. Your responsibility is to stop it spreading further, not to kick out the sick person to travel 4 hours! You need to cancel your dinner and for any other social events let people know in advance that you have a sickness bug at home so they can cancel if they prefer.

This ⬆️

HeartandSeoul · 18/12/2025 11:11

Mangoes822 · 18/12/2025 05:17

Get them into nearest travellodge not to spread stomach bug to the rest of the family, theres nothing to be offended at make sure they are comfortable there and if they need anything you drop it by. Im sure your other huests wont be impressed when they arrive to find out there is noro/rotavirus lurking around,worse if someone has small children or elderly relative in their household

Not only is this unkind to the girlfriend, but also very unfair to the other guests/staff members at the Travelodge. Their own festive plans could then be jeopardised, all because someone with a known stomach bug chose to stay there.

Fmlgirl · 18/12/2025 11:14

That’s horrible, who does that. Who would be asking her to
leave in this state. I would however probably cancel the dinner.

KarriTreeSullivan · 18/12/2025 11:15

Unless she has been isolating alone in a room with an ensuite the virus will be rampant in your house already, its too late, and if your son who has been nursing her has been wondering around the house, he will be highly infectious spreading it all over by now too. So even if you were to be mean and leave her to shit herself in a car for 4 hours, it would be futile in terms of saving yourselves!

The poor girl must be monumentally embarrassed, and feeling desperately ill and guilty, show her some love at this time of year, you know, 'the season of goodwill'.

harlemshake · 18/12/2025 11:18

CrazyGoatLady · 18/12/2025 05:07

If you don't want her in the house due to the risk of spreading illness, you should pay for a hotel for them if she's too sick to travel home.

Mind, I'd not want to come visit you again ever if you treated me like an inconvenience to your Christmas plans because I dared get sick while staying in your home.

"you should pay for a hotel for them if she's too sick to travel home"

Is this a joke?

IkeaMeatballGravy · 18/12/2025 11:20

Bulbsbulbsbulbs · 18/12/2025 11:06

Your husband wants to throw this poor woman out? Wow. What an utter bastard.

He really is a bastard.

Did you know OP that a marriage is seven times more likely to end if the wife gets seriously unwell than if the husband does? Something to think about now that your husband has revealed this cold side of his personality.

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 18/12/2025 11:21

Your husband isn't a very good person is he? Let's hope if your son became ill at his girlfriend's parents they would be a bit more caring.

3awesomestars · 18/12/2025 11:21

I couldn’t imagine any scenario where I would ask this girl to leave and I would tell my husband he is a selfish, uncaring Pratt (that’s tame).

No wonder in laws get a bad rap. Quite rightly so if this is what some are like.

justasking111 · 18/12/2025 11:24

Mangoes822 · 18/12/2025 05:18

Or plan b,cancel the get together

I wouldn't expect her to travel. OP and family have already been exposed to the bug. I'd phone visitors and explain the situation, they really don't want this bug in the next week. Nor does @grittie and family.

It's a nuisance but best to be honest.

ByRealLemonFox · 18/12/2025 11:24

In my opinion, if it is a bug its too late now as it will be in your house already, so I would let them stay. Also, a 4 hour car journey when you are ill will be terrible to get through.

MILLYmo0se · 18/12/2025 11:24

Your husband is an ass with his 'gently suggesting she might prefer to go home' crap, if she felt she d be better off at home she would be going obviously, she doesn't need his permission to leave. He doesn't want her there so either he be man enough to be direct about that, or he stay quiet.
Regardless if whether she stays or goes, are you actually planning to have people over with telling them there's D&V in the house? You have to tell all the intended guests ASAP and at least give them the choice of attending or not.
The poor woman, bad enough to be ill but I'll in someone else's house and during all the Xmas activities is horrendous for her

KeepAwayFromChildren · 18/12/2025 11:29

I think you should treat her how you would like to be treated yourself @grittie

Tell your impending guests too. The most ill I have ever been with swine flu and on another occasion, with salmonella was because I was not told I would be coming into contact with it at a pre arranged event.

Vse500 · 18/12/2025 11:30

grittie · 18/12/2025 04:57

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

Wow!! Way to make her feel comfortable with potential future in laws - kick her out when she’s unwell poor thing! Consider your choices carefully if this is someone who could be in your sons life a long time

1HappyTraveller · 18/12/2025 11:33

Expecting her to travel 4 hours home with a stomach bug isn’t kind and is a bit unfair. I suspect this is likely to make her feel more embarrassed than she probably does already.

That being said I can also see why you wouldn’t want her to spread illness around the home. Does she have a bathroom just for her in the home? If so I’d just be supportive and maintain good hand hygiene and cleaning practices. Alternatively if I could find a local premier inn/travel lodge I’d probably pay for her to stay there for a few days to minimise risk to the rest of the family and explain this to her kindly.

Also - seeing as you already have D&V in your home… are you still having guests over? Have you warned them that someone is ill and given them the opportunity to make an informed decision for themselves as to whether or not they want to visit? (FWIW I wouldn’t be coming to visit your home!) Maybe let her rest and you go out instead. You can still go out and do all the fun stuff. She just needs to rest.

StitchHappens · 18/12/2025 11:37

How would you want her parents to treat your son if the roles were reversed??

JLou08 · 18/12/2025 11:37

Her leaving now is unlikely to make much of an impact on the chance of you catching it, she would have been contagious before the vomiting started. A 4 hour journey with a sickness bug would be horrendous. I'd just try and keep a distance and use lots of anti bac.

Bowies · 18/12/2025 11:38

I don’t think it’s fair to ask her to leave - as it was DH suggestion not yours I voted YANBU but voting possibly needs more clarity OP.

I did a journey with food poisoning and it was one of the most horrendous experiences.

Cancel them coming over and if you are well you can still meet out, go to the pantomime etc.