House guest unwell — should they stay or leave?

[grittie]

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

Agree with this. I'd worry about passing on a bug to other family members

The girl is unwell. Not her fault. Disappointing but please don't blame her. She's probably equally disappointed / frustrated

If the other guests live nearby, I'd probably offer the food to them so they can party without you. It's unfortunate to sit this one out, but can't be helped. The pantomime etc will all be there next year. You could probably join the market trip as it's outdoors?

I don’t think it really matters whether they are daughter-in-law to be or a short term fling, you can’t kick them out to travel 4hours home when they are horribly unwell.

Unfortunately you need to cancel
your plans as whether the gf stays or leaves there is now a highly
contagious bug in your home.

Why should you have to ask her? Is he incapable?

DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away)

I think a mid ground.

This happened to me first (and only xmas) with IL, I came down with crippling Flu out of no where.

I know I would not have made it a 4 hour drive home plus my DH didn't want to leave and miss out on christmas. I felt like I was dying (could barely wake up and couldn't life my head) but I also didn't want to be (and obviously for contagion reasons shouldn't be) around others. A different location could not have made any difference to how I felt.

Lying in bed alone dying was the best option really, weather thats DH old bed at his parents or our bed at home really didn't make any difference except for the impossibility of traveling while sick.

Don't worry about it seeming 'anti-social' people get sick and she not 'entertainment' for the night, just treat it like she had to cancel and leave her to recover in peace away from others.

Christ, don’t even contemplate going to the panto. You could ruin a lot of people’s Christmas with that type of selfishness

I think she needs to recover. I would pause my Christmas plans untill she has recovered.It will cause inconvenience?people's well being will be a priority here! I would ban people coming round to my home, especially if it's contagious?

If it is norovirus (quite possible at this time of year), it is quite likely that at least one or more of your household will also succumb.

Although disappointing I would declare the house a "no go" zone for tonight's celebrations otherwise you risk giving everybody a very miserable Christmas.

Can the GF try to figure out whether it is likely to be something she ate in the past 24 hours (on the rare occasions I've had food poisoning I tend to react within an hour or two, once within minutes, and then feel better fairly quickly but others are laid low for days) or whether she has some colleagues/friends who are also ill (has she been mixing on transport/bars etc)?

Time to stock up on white rice and rehydration salts.

No you can't send someone on a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug. That's awful. I'm sure she'd prefer it too, and if she felt well enough she'd probably suggest it and ask one of her parents to come and get her.

Of course your disappointed and upset that your plans will have to be cancelled, or changed but that's life. You have to tell everyone now about the issue and agree on what to do. If she's in a room with an ensuite, or access to her own toilet then you might be able to proceed (we have a bedroom on the top floor with a loo so isolating very easy). But you need to take care of her, and no doubt the bacteria is everywhere now and you all may already be infected anyway so you going out will just spread it. Norovirus is nasty, and if you have elderly relatives you really are putting them at risk.

Well, if you want to be the subject of Mumsnet threads about awful MILs in the future you know what to do!

If it’s Noro you need to use diluted bleach to spray things down rather than Dettox.

Absolutely monstrous of you to consider sending her on a 4 hour journey with gastroenteritis. Poor girl. You should either cancel the meal, or warn your family about the illness. Which one you go for would imo depend on the size and layout of your house - ie how separate and contained she can be kept, and has been kept so far.

Getting rid of her now wouldn’t even necessarily mean you are clear to host tonight anyway. If surfaces and bathrooms are contaminated there will still be a risk, even with cleaning, if you haven’t been careful up to now.

Get them into nearest travellodge not to spread stomach bug to the rest of the family

But spread it to the wider population instead by taking the stomach bug to a hotel? Really not a good idea.

Oh my god, I was this poor girl years ago!

Staying with my then uni boyfriend at his parents, we went out for lunch and I got food poisoning, it was horrendous. I was mortified, luckily the mum was really understanding and caring, I was violently ill for 2 days and then I stayed for another day until I could physically manage the 2 hour car journey home.

She's probably not only feeling terrible because she's so ill but also so embarrassed, please don't make it any worse for her!

Absolutely she should stay. How could you possibly consider chucking out a sick person, FFS? Have some compassion!

If sick they should isolate

You’d consider kicking her out?! Oh wow… how mean

She won’t last 4 hours it would be cruel to expect her to travel, I bet she would love to be at home what a horrible situation for the girl. You need to inform your relatives, I would be so cross if I arrived somewhere just before Christmas and no one had told me that someone had a vomiting bug.

Talk to your son!

Has OP been back?

She’s probably crouched over the loo 😂

I wouldn't ask her to leave - with a stomach bug you can barely function and she will feel horrendous. A 4 hour car journey is cruel!
I wouldn't ask them to stay in a hotel either. I would let her stay until she feels better and either warn other guests you have a bug in the house so they have the option to stay away, or just say unfortunately you have a bug in the house and will have to cancel / rearrange plans.
I think that's what I would do. X

Btw when I said “furious” - of course not with poor girl, but with situation - no way would I send her home!

The only absolute necessity here is stopping the spread.

Tricky, I’m assuming she/they haven’t left due to the 4 hour drive, as I’d be hightailing it out of there.

However if you do ask, I’d ask them both to leave (which is think is your DH plan)

You do have to be prepared that if you do ask them to leave it may upset them & alter how she/your DS view you in the future.

Glad you're not my future MIL.