House guest unwell — should they stay or leave?

[grittie]

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

and 100% this too

I would be inwardly furious but outwardly sympathetic.

But what’s done is done - or rather what’s caught is caught. If it is norovirus, then your ds will now have it. And then you and dh.

You must cancel the plans. Norovirus is not a cold. It’s massively contagious and your extended family will be raging if you let loose a sickness bug on them for Christmas.

I doubt she'd chat way at reception surely folk use common sense in situations kick this and the well person checks in.

Cleaners use gloves and antibacterial products. Every room is potentially full of bacteria and or infectious viruses. I think cleaners know how to do their job effectively.

It isn't ideal granted but she needs to isolate and that is of course impossible as a guest in a family home.

And yes removing th girlfriend won’t remove the virus now - it is in the house and you have to tell people you can’t be the ones to spread it

Unless you want to be on a MIL thread on here you can't really ask them to leave. All you can do is bleach everything and let the rest of the family know she's ill. Could you meet up with family in a local pub or restaurant tonight instead

Your H doesn't want to risk catching a bug, understandably. However for him to expect you to fix that for him by YOU 'gently suggesting she'd be more comfortable at home' would be amusing if it weren't so selfish and cowardly. If he wants her to leave he should have the backbone to tell her and tell her why. It's going to be completely obvious anyway, as what sort of fool would think 4 hours in the car would be more comfortable for a person who is probably unable to be far from a toilet, than staying put?
I'd tell him if he wanted her to leave tell her himself. Although sticking on a pair of marigolds and disinfecting all areas would be the more decent thing for him to do.

Why furious?

Inform your guests before they arrive. They can make the choice themselves.
These things happen, but it would be incredibly unkind to ask her to travel home.
No room at the inn? So much for the season of good will 😆

Er, because the Christmas plans are in disarray? Food bought, pantomime tickets bought, looking forward to seeing people…

How would you feel if someone treated your son this way if he became ill? Your "D"H being intent on throwing this poor girl out of your home so you can attend some crappy Christmas markets is utterly abhorrent. If I were the girlfriend and my new partner's parents threw me out of their home, leaving me with no choice other than to embark on a 4 hour car journey whilst vomiting, I would almost certainly end the relationship. You wouldn't be the sort of people I would want to be engaging with long-term, potentially being the grandparents to my children in years to come. You can surely rearrange for your family members to visit another time.

But not at the girlfriend I hope given she clearly had been there well 2 days before coming down with it so didn’t know

@OLDoldCold Austen was my first thought too... 😆

I would make the girl my priority what an awful situation for her not to mention embarrassing. Phone all the guests coming and say plans cancelled as I don’t want my Christmas gift to everyone this year being Norovirus. Can’t imagine they would be too happy coming into a home with it present anyway. Then quietly start praying the rest of us don’t get it for Christmas Day 😂 . Look forward to next years plans hey ho

Because she had the audacity to catch a bug and inconvenience the OP.

How is your house guest feeling now?

Chances are, if your DS has been doing the right thing and taking care of her at close quarters - he is highly likely to be ill today.
What "gentle" suggestions does your DH have with regards to that?

There is no way she should be asked to leave, that's awful. Equally there is no way also, that I would be visiting your house a week before Christmas TO EAT if somebody in it has D&V so you should advise your guests in advance, or cancel completely, which would be more sensible.

These types of bugs are very infectious and it would be totally out of order to risk knowingly infecting the rest of your family.

I say this as somebody who took out out 8 people with influenza A a few years back (not on purpose obviously).

Good god, this is one of the most heartless and unhinged things I've read on MN. As countless others have said, OF COURSE you can't kick the poor girl out while she's so ill. How did this even cross your minds? It's absolutely rubbish timing for you, for her, for everyone but that's life.

You have to cancel your plans with the rest of the family - it's utterly shit, but you've got no choice. Fingers crossed that none of the rest of you get infected but you know, its a maybe. Good luck

And the pregnancy theory people, go and have a lie down in a dark room

It would be unspeakably cruel to chuck her out in the midst of a vomiting bug. All she needs is a bed and toilet for 12 hours with a few sips of water. Expect your son will be next. Cancel people coming over and accept this year will not be the Christmas you planned. FGS sake do not send them to a hotel, think of the staff and the other guests!

Totally missing the true spirit of Christmas if you are looking to limit the disruption to your festivities with no thought of the wellbeing of the GF and even your other visitors

No wonder norovirus is rife, with all the suggestions she should take the infection out of the house and spread it round the country, either at a hotel or in whatever service station she will probably have to use on her way home.

Get the bleach out, try to ensure everything including the door handles are clean and anyone who gets sick should isolate for 48 hours before going back out in public.

Amazed anyone would be furious. As a cured emetophobe, I can imagine being terrified and incredibly disappointed, but unless she knew she might have it and came anyway, then furious seems an odd reaction.

Oh, I was (almost) this girlfriend in my uni days. At my then boyfriend's house, about a three hour train ride from home - although I did know his family very well as we'd been together a couple of years.

In my case it was something I'd eaten rather than a bug, so no-one else caught it, and it was after Christmas (restaurant meal on Boxing Day where I suspect it was a blue cheese sauce that just didn't agree with me). The guest room was on the ground floor and there was a bathroom next to it and another bathroom upstairs, so I used that. Everyone was extremely kind to me, especially my ex boyfriend's mum. I can remember being utterly miserable, embarrassed and just wanted my mummy! I can't imagine how much worse it would have been if they'd packed me off to the train station.

As an emetophobe, the last thing I would want is a vomiting person under my roof, but no, of course you can't ask her to go home! Dh and I once found ourselves in a hotel 3 hours from home with norovirus (though thankfully ours manifested itself with diarrhoea, not vomiting). We had to leave as we couldn't afford to stay another night and we had to get back to our children. That journey home still haunts me.

If it is norovirus, you've probably caught it by now anyway. It wouldn't be fair to spread it to other family members. The best option is to let the girlfriend know she is welcome to stay until she feels well enough to travel, and you cancel other plans, or at least let other family members know cancellation is likely. Don't have others to stay in the house!

Horrid dilemma op but being dramatic here this girl may be bearing your grandchildren one day and one day maybe running around after an aged you and DH.
Id support her as much as possible anddont mention her going home if she lived near by it's a no brainer . But four hours.
Also this is a girl I presume your son thinks he is in love with so again for respect ,be kind to her

I don't understand how anyone could even contemplate asking someone who is that sick to travel for 4 hours, or leave at all.

Actually this is one of the most selfish things I've ever read or heard and at this time of year, too. More concerned about plans being potentially scuppered than a sick houseguest. Please try to remember what Christmas is actually about.

I hope you and your H find some kindness in your heart somewhere OP and make her comfortable in your home.

Are the other guests supposed to be staying with you?

I think I'd cancel the meal tonight.

Meet up at the Christmas markets tomorrow.

Not sure about panto!