House guest unwell — should they stay or leave?

[grittie]

DS and his relatively new girlfriend are staying with us for the week, they arrived on Monday and are due to leave on Saturday. His poor girlfriend is suffering from quite the stomach bug, she has been being sick all night. We have a lot of plans over the next few days, including hosting an extended family meal tonight.
DH thinks I should gently suggest she may be more comfortable at home (4 hour drive away) as she doesn’t know us yet (prior to this week we’d only met her once and that ended up only being for about 30 minutes as our train had been delayed and they had plans), the entire family (DHs siblings, my sister, nieces/nephews) are due over tonight and tomorrow we are supposed to be going into our local Christmas markets and then to a panto with our other son and his children in the evening. I’m also conscious we don’t want to spread any illness before Christmas!

However I also think it would be rude to ask them to leave and can’t imagine a 4 hour drive with a stomach bug would be much.

So is DH right and we should ask them gently if they’d rather leave? Or is it better to have them stay until she is better?

I think you have to do this I'm afraid. You can't ask her to travel and the rest of your guests all risk getting the virus a few days ahead of Christmas. It sucks but worse things have happened.

OP hasn’t been back. Shocker. Unless she’s talking to the big white telephone🤮😬

What is it about Christmas time that seems to bring out the inappropriate girlfriend vs the dictatorial dad stories? I don't care for this one so much because of the puking.

Imagine doing a 4 hour journey with a tummy bug! Absolutely not. I’m sure if she was feeling well enough to travel she would suggest this herself as everyone would prefer their own bed. You can still crack on with you own plans and let her rest in their room surely.

I'd misread I thought that the panto was Sat aft/eve.

Was thinking that if she had vomited last night only that might be ok.

Just to clarify I would cancel tonight's meal.

Also wouldn't send her home.

Absolutely not! You’ve all been exposed anyway. Ask her to isolate in the room and spray the toilet, sink and door handles with disinfectant after each use.

Fwiw my children have had sickness bugs loads of times and I’ve never caught them.

I have been in this poor girls position, terrible sickness bug at my in laws early into relationship. Our drive was 5 hours home and we ended up extending our stay by a day due to not being able to travel as I couldn't be without a bathroom for any prolonged period. I was thoroughly miserable and stayed in bed and tried to minimise any disruption. I was also meticulous with hygiene as the last thing I wanted was to spread it.

My mil was kind and caring and I am still grateful to how gracious she was. Had she have asked me to leave I would have of course obliged but it would have definitely made me think differently of her and I would be unlikely to want to visit again. So my advice would be, think carefully as it will make a lasting impression.

Ok, I know I’m going to get dragged for this but I will preface it with I’m emetophobic.

My MiL once got sick at our house. They had traveled 7 hours from Scotland and got sick on the first night. I unfortunately had to kick her out and they went to stay in a hotel in the Lakes.

I also had a young baby that I wanted to protect but I can’t deny that my anxiety was making the decision for me that day.

We laugh about it now and thankfully, my MiL completely understands. I hate that I did that but it felt like my only option at the time.

If you not mentally unwell, like me, I think it’s probably pretty cruel to kick her out. But you need to inform anyone who is planning on visiting. The worst thing you can do is pretend it hasn’t happened.

What would you do if it was your son who was ill? Kick him out into the shed?

Or if he was at her parents, would you be happy for him to be expected to leave?

If she staying in your home she is effectively part of the family for now. Look after her, and let other potential guests know and that it's OK if they consequently choose to come.

how on earth is she meant to travel 4 hours with a stomach bug?? I’m sure she would rather be at home ill that at yours but asking her to leave and do that journey is ridiculous … be different if it was 20 minutes down the road.

Good shout.
Along with the “we’ve only met once for 30 minutes so why should we care?” attitude.

Oh yeah, because she’s done it on purpose 🙄

🤣🤣🤣

How on earth can she leave if she’s been up sick all night and can now probably barely move this morning?!? Are you actually living on planet earth?

She’s still gently suggesting that they leave!

Oh come on.

Tuck her up in bed with plenty of fluids and let her get better.
You only have one day to get through if she was going home on Saturday anyway.

I don't see how anyone could travel for 4 hours if they are being sick and have diarrhea.

With her "D"H trying to gently nudge her out of the house... 😄

What would you do if it was DS who was ill? Send him home? I think you need to warn the people who plan to come but you shouldn’t make them leave

I would do the opposite - cancel the party; explain the reasons and see if someone else can host. No one will thank you for being ground zero for norovirus and you're not going to totally remove the risk by removing the first person who was sick without also deep cleaning the affected areas top to bottom (i.e., not just your usual deep clean of the bathroom but also washing the towels in there and wiping down absolutely every surface including cabinet doorknobs etc.)

Her stomach bug could be food poisoning from something you have fed her. Poor girl is probably wishing she had never come and would happily leave if she could manage the journey.

I'm afraid you need to offer your guests the option of cancelling. Meanwhile lots of bleach in whatever toilet and sink she is using.

How would you feel if the situation was reversed and your son was sent home from their house to do a 4 hour drive with a sick bug?

If you only have one loo, book them into a hotel for a couple of nights and suggest, out of respect for the health of the others, that they drive home as soon as she is well enough.

I wouldn’t ask them to leave. Much as I sympathise about your Christmas plans - it’s awful to have to cancel - I don’t think there’s another reasonable choice here unfortunately. She can’t be expected to do a 4 hour journey in that state, it would be brutal and I think if you put her and your DS in that position for the sake of a party you’ll risk seriously damaging your relationship with them both. I think the best you can do is to cancel everything as quickly as possible and just resign yourself to looking after her and making the best of Christmas as you can with a poorly guest.

really do feel for you though, we’ve had to cancel everything a few days before Christmas before (when my dad was vomiting and delirious with cancer pain) and it’s horrible, we felt like we were messing up so many other people’s plans as well as our own. But sometimes it just happens that way.

How are you feeling about this 8 hours later @grittie ? Have you at least warned your dinner guests for tonight?

Could she be isolated in her room and you disinfect the house top to toe?

Cruel to make her leave it’s something she will remember forever !!

Take care of your sick ( maybe future DIL) like you would one of your own for gods sake!!

She is poorly in someone else’s home surely she feels bad enough without you booting her out!!!

can’t believe that’s even an option.