Husband refusing family Xmas day!

[Holidaywoes12]

Advice please, both myself and hubby feeling hurt atm.
So I come from a family, although small, have always come together for christmas dinner, it was my favourite part of christmas growing up and anything else feels so wrong. My husband has always had an issue with this and every December would be a big upheavel and upset with him refusing any of my family members over, (my father a widow) before eventually allowing them to come! Every year the same argument. This year, he has gone no contact with his mother and sister, and has told me seeing that he wont be seeing them for christmas I wont be having fanily over. My brother who I only see at christmas has been looking forward to visit and see our children and my father of course will certainly be coming, but not without a whole load of stress and silent trratment from husband first. He says he does not like a crowd and is upset about not seeing his mother and sister. I have explained to him things dont have to be this way and tbh a good adult conversation between them would probably sort it, but he’s not interested. Should I try husbands way of having no visitors at christmas? Something that would work for us both? He knows that my father comong over is a no brainsr because he lives alone, bit its still an argument every year!

There have been times when it has just been us and father, brother has come on new years day for example, the attitude is still the same and results in me getting the silent treatment, nasty looks etc

He's abusive. He can go live on his own

If it was a woman wanting a quiet Christmas and having to put up with her DH insisting the in laws came round every year she would get very very different answers!!!

The difference is that he doesn't seem to value Christmas, and when a woman complains about her inlaws coming every year, it's usually because she has to do all the work.

There are plenty of days of the year to have a quiet day at home.

Tell Dh he can check into a hotel, he can have a quiet Christmas all by himself there

I’d leave him at home to wallow in his own self pity and cook at your Dads with your brother. I understand wanting a quiet Christmas but I don’t understand why he is so horrible to you, name calling your father and stomping like a child.

You could make it very very quiet?

Id be leaving him to it and visiting family instead. Shame it’s too late to book a nice restaurant

My ex husband was like this. Dreadful black moods about it then made my family uncomfortable yet I had to always welcome his.....!! The clue to how that turned out is in the EX.

He is a man child who wants to ruin everyone else's Christmas because he cant get his own way.
I'd tell him straight that your family are coming over regardless and he can either choose to be here and be happy or he can go elsewhere on Christmas day and sulk. Its not up for discussion now or in the future moving forwards and that your sick of his petulant ways, ruining your festive joy every year. End of conversation and get on and enjoy planning your family get together

I'd go to my dad's and cook us a Christmas dinner there, leaving my miserable fucker of a DH to have the Christmas he's always wanted. It's not that his request is in itself unreasonable but that he appears to have ruined the run up to every single Christmas with his immature mithering about your family.

If you do cave, tell him that as you're going to be on your own he can do all the shopping and cooking for Christmas lunch. Plus all the clearing up afterwards as you'd like a break too.

I was a bit confused by the court voting and voted YABU to pander to your husband being horrible and a misery!
Perhaps going out with your family and leaving him to stew it the answer? Perhaps leaving him to stew permanently is a better answer!

I can't believe he'd actually be happy for your Dad to sit alone for the whole of Christmas Day, I wouldn't even want an acquaintance or random neighbour to be alone let alone my father in law. I wouldn't be listening to him purely for that reason.

We have a lot of autism in our family and social overload is something we consider and adapt to. But not allowing family at Christmas? I am sorry I bet your husbands self centredness extends to outside Christmas I think unfortunately he’s not a good partner.

He sounds like he finds socialising deeply difficult? Maybe this goes a bit deeper than him just being a knob about Christmas! Does he always avoid gatherings if at all possible, does he find it hard to put himself in your position and understand how you feel in general? Is he depressed do you think?
Ask him if he'd prefer to be on his own?

If none of the above rings true, I'm afraid it's true - he's just being a knob!

But, you go ahead and do things your way, some people just have to learn a hard lesson, that it's not all about them.
Hope you have a great Christmas with or without his input! 🎄

Hod how do you put up with this man child id tell him to fucking grow up Christmas is for family & the prat needs to get over it invite everyone & all muck in & have a fucking good time leave the stooge upstairs with his glum face I’m sure that hour df & db will get on great with dmil & dsil they sound happy enough people tge only fly in the ointment is the lump of grump your married too

I can't believe that some posters are sticking up for the husband!!
He sounds abusive, as well as being a thoroughly miserable twat.

I've never said this before, but I'd LTB.

Please stop telling other women to do childish things like this,

They are a couple, you do not just "disregard or not care to validate someone's opinion"

OP please dont pay no mind, you just have to fight to have common group that everyone has to be okay with

how is it abuse to not want people around your home that you do not want?

I was gonna stick up for him for a bit but how do you cope with someone not liking your brother because of being gay? that's odd to me,
i put this in the same basket as someone not liking my mum because she is white

book him a hotel have all your family over, enjoy xmas, then change the locks and pack his bags x. Why does he get to say how you and your children spend CHristmas

Some men cannot bear for their wife to have the support of family.
It is all part of their abuse.
They want their victims quietly distant physically and emotionally from those that would support them.
Friends and family quietly criticised and sulking and manipulation used to cause stress seeing them.
I saw my own father do it to my mother with his moody behaviour.

He was surprised when his own children's spouses did the exact same thing, but for a different reason.
They didn't want to be around him even though he really liked him apparently.

I guess I'm in the minority here but I understand his point. He wants to spend Christmas Day differently for a change. There are many threads where posters (usually the woman or adult children) feel forced to spend the day with family, when they would much rather not. The response is usually about compromise or not attempting to please everyone else etc. You have had the family Christmas that you want every year - of course he's going to be fed up, regardless of whether he has gone NC with his family or not. If the roles were reversed, would you have been happy with the arrangement? I don't think he sounds controlling, I think he sounds pissed off!

Why are you with this man? He sounds awful. He shouldn’t be treating you like this. It’s awful. My advice is go to your family’s house eg your father or brothers house and leave your husband at home. Do you have children? Where are they in this scenario?

I agree with you

Totally agree with this. You don’t deserve to be treated like this, it’s disgusting

It's your home too- it simply isn't his decision to make alone- if he doesn't want to see any family over Christmas, suggests he goes to a hotel while you do Christmas .
On the other hand it's a fair point that may think he is being ignored if this is a thing every year and you host in spite of him- but expecting your widowed father to Christmas alone because he doesn't fancy company isn't reasonable- you need to have proper talk and come to some compromise.