“Birthing parent” language in work policy – inclusive or erasing women?

[InvisibleBumble]

Our workplace has just emailed all staff about changes to parental leave. Throughout the email they repeatedly use the term “the birthing parent”. There is no mention anywhere of women, mothers or maternity leave.

I’m honestly really uncomfortable with it. In trying to be “inclusive”, it feels like women - and our lived experience of pregnancy, childbirth and recovery - are being erased from a policy that is specifically about leave after giving birth.

I’m not anti-inclusion, but I do struggle with language that refuses to even acknowledge women or mothers in this context. Childbirth is not a neutral experience, and maternity leave exists for a reason.

It’s really bugged me, but I’m nervous about pushing back at work in case I’m labelled difficult or “not inclusive enough”.

Am I being unreasonable? Has anyone challenged this kind of language at work, and if so, how did it go?

But Savannah animals include a variety of species elephants, giraffes, lions, zebras, and cheetahs. So we would not know we were talking about a cheetah. hence why I said language is important.

If we replaced the word cheetah with fastest running animal it is the equivalent to replacing mother with birthing parent.

If you know a birthing parent has to be biologically female then you fully understand what the term means but it requires the prior knowledge that only biological females give birth.

If you know the fastest running animal is a cheetah then you fully understand what someone is saying but it requires prior knowledge to fully understand.

Let me find a hair to split...

It would ignore the existence of and abilities of cheetahs. And imply that a species other than a cheetah could also do it. Maybe an elephant?

Women (sometimes girls) give birth. It is a uniquely female thing. Absolutely include others eg a lesbian couple with terminology. But don't exclude women as a class.

If you were only talking about cheetahs, then no “savannah animals” wouldn’t work. But “birthing parent” doesn’t only talk about women. That’s why it’s not a true analogy.

Replacing cheetah with “fastest running animal” would be the equivalent of replacing mother with “female birthing parent” - which isn’t what has happened.

Excuse me. You don't get to decide things like that for me.

It absolutely excludes me. That's my lived experience, my identity, etc <insert other appropriate phrase>.

A trans man who is giving birth is most definitely living as a woman during that time.

Eh? The OP is about the phrase and who the policy relates to. Not the content of the policy. Which is a whole other issue, but not provided. So having a view on the rest of it is not possible.

Fuck me, this crap is sounding so dated it's almost laughable. Except the laugh is, as always, on women.

Otherwise known as WOMEN

Yeah I was talking about the OP and anyone else reading the policy. Isn’t the message of the document, whatever it is, more important than the specific wording?

The policy makes no mention of maternity, pregnancy etc.

It says it means that birthing parents are eligible for 12 weeks of paid leave, and non birthing parents and adoptive parents are eligible for 6 weeks of paid leave.

It does not make malenrion to maternity or paternity leave. It says where statutory leave pay applies it will be topped up for the periods above.

I should add that when I was pregnant and working for this same company at the time, I policy at the time was statutory minimum only.

Only women can give birth ffs

you’ve lost me now. Sorry

I see! You are referring to trans men, because you are using gender identity ’sex’ as real sex. I on the other hand was referring to reality which is the crux of the topic of giving birth.

I mean this causes confusion. Please see my original post about language being important.

Trans identifying females call themselves transmen but using the word men or man now has a double meaning.

Men - meaning a woman who has an identity as a ‘man'
Men - meaning biological men which is most definitely not a woman.

How do we differentiate between the two meanings using the same word?

The only thing you need to be a transman is to be a biological woman.

What the fuck does it literally mean?
I await the pile on!

Words matter. If you can't define who it is about, in language that everybody understands, it's all a bit pointless. Maternity rights have been hard won. Diluting the language, obscuring who it's about and why and when risk all those rights.

If you want a post about the wording of a Maternity policy, crack on. The op is just as entitled to have a thread on a specific part of the policy that affects her.

This is easily fixable:

1. Mother/woman
2. Mother/woman’s partner
3. Paternity Leave OR Maternity support leave

Anything else is utter rubbish.

The above is both accurate and inclusive.

Anyone who is about to give birth and is offended by anyone else referring to their female-ness really does need support with their mental health first and foremost.

Unless your lived experience (And I know you're taking the piss out of people with this phrase) is that you didn't give birth to your child, or that they're not actually your child and somebody else is their parent, then yes, you are a birthing parent. You can identify however you want of course but you literally cannot argue that a mother and a parent who gave birth are not factually the same thing. If you identify as a mother, you are also a birthing parent. As a statement of fact. Unless you're an adoptive mother obviously.

You just have the hump because you don't like inclusive language.

But a 'birthing parent’ is actually not inclusive at all.

If a mother adopts a child she is not a birthing parent is she?

Adoption policy is a completely different policy which is why they get hung up on the birthing bit. That's the bit that gives you things like maternity sickness cover, and compulsory time off post birth

There are multiple types of mothers and interestingly the op herself has got some confused which is why they want to be clear.

Biological mother doesn't include people who use donor material. In my case it wouldn't cover the birthing parent.

Mother would cover same sex partners, adoptive mothers etc which come under different policies

It used to be as lesbian mums you could both get mat leave because it wasn't overly clear but they've tightened it up

Anyone who is about to give birth and is offended by anyone else referring to their female-ness really does need support with their mental health first and foremost

This is it in a nutshell.

What a load of nonsense 🙄

So you agree it’s not inclusive?

Women who carry and give birth to babies using donor eggs are legally the biological mother of their child in the UK.

Only women give birth. Wasn’t a trans man recently refused a GRC because she was trying for a baby? (But then granted it on appeal ) We are not birthers, breeders, menstruaters or lactators. We are women. Mothers. Adult human females

Oh bless. It's sweet that you're concerned that a random on the interweb could give me the hump.