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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS reception nativity - what would you do?

129 replies

christmas2025nativity · 17/12/2025 15:05

DS has ASD diagnosis and is in the process of obtaining an EHCP. He has just had his nativity today, he got upset as it started and didn’t leave a teacher (who is not in his class) knee the whole time. We only had tickets for today. Am I being unreasonable to suggest to his teacher that I attend tomorrow and sit on the side with him so he can join in. The TA in his class was occupied with the other children which I totally understand. I know he will get upset if my husband or I are not in attendance tomorrow and I want it be inclusive for him and him not to miss out. He will not have the understanding to reason with him why we won’t be there tomorrow.

OP posts:
Newnames123 · 17/12/2025 15:06

You can suggest it but also don't be surprised if they say no.
Numbers are usually very tight for school events so they can't have extra parent.

ArtTheClownIsNotAMime · 17/12/2025 15:08

Edited because I really can't read today, sorry.

I agree with others to leave it. You won't be the only parent wanting extra tickets and the staff don't need more hassle - planning this kind of thing with young children is a colossal headache.

FunkyFringe · 17/12/2025 15:09

I really wouldn’t. Lots of children become overwhelmed during their first few school events. The staff members know what to do. Honestly, they don’t want parents ‘trying’ to be helpful.

FuzzyWolf · 17/12/2025 15:09

I think YABU (and I have three autistic children). However, you can and probably should withdraw him altogether.

There will be lots of other ND children and children with need in the school, so they can’t accomodate parents attaching themselves onto nativity plays. It would also be really disruptive to all of the other children because they won’t see it as fair that their parents aren’t at both shows and holding their hand.

Leo800 · 17/12/2025 15:09

They’ve got a million things to be dealing with this time of year. I’d just leave it.

purpleygrey · 17/12/2025 15:11

you can ask but i don’t be stroppy with them if they say no. Our school has tight numbers and are really strict on this.

we always split the tickets and one parent attends on each day.

ImaginaryHorse · 17/12/2025 15:13

But if you were there today and he still couldn't join in, how will you being there tomorrow help? I'd just withdraw him from it tbh. Not all kids are ok with performing in front of strangers - I also have an ASD kid with an EHCP and I just wouldn't push it at all.

SophieJo · 17/12/2025 15:13

Sorry but tickets are allocated so don’t come back complaining you couldn’t get another.

calminggreen · 17/12/2025 15:13

Kindly Lots of kids that age get overwhelmed doing the nativities it’s not limited to ASD diagnoses so I’d be prepared that school say no because if they allowed it for one they’ll have to allow it for all

greencrab · 17/12/2025 15:13

I would be more inclined to withdraw him from it. Have a good think about why you want him to be part of it and what he is communicating to you (I don't know so not trying to mansplain it to you). If he is trying to opt out because he isn't enjoying it then I would be facilitating that.

If you consider it and genuinely think he wants to be part of it and needs support then chat to the teachers about what of the best plan

PurpleThistle7 · 17/12/2025 15:14

I can't see what this would accomplish. Super common for wee ones not to participate in the nativity for all sorts of reasons and no one will have made a fuss about it.

Am also a little confused about what you're asking for - an extra ticket? Some special accommodation so you're on stage?

Laserwho · 17/12/2025 15:16

I wouldn't. It's reception, lots of children will be upset parents aren't there.

Glitterballofdreams · 17/12/2025 15:18

As a parent of a child with ASD, and a ALN teacher, I would not interfere.
Staff will not need your support in school, if you have any concerns about your son please speak with staff, who will ensure someone is sat nearby to support him, or you could ask that he sits out of the performance all together, and has 1:1 in the classroom.

Most young children find it incredibly overwhelming at school performances, especially reception age. It’s completely natural to be upset, especially with all of the parents looking on.

As parents we tend to overthink and worry, if not baby our children. His independence will grow without having you there at his side during school hours.

SparkleSpriteDust · 17/12/2025 15:19

These things happen. I would be very proud of my child and would tell them so.

I would not ask to go back tomorrow. It's not about seeing your child 'perform'. It's just about being there for them no matter what!

pizzaHeart · 17/12/2025 15:20

FuzzyWolf · 17/12/2025 15:09

I think YABU (and I have three autistic children). However, you can and probably should withdraw him altogether.

There will be lots of other ND children and children with need in the school, so they can’t accomodate parents attaching themselves onto nativity plays. It would also be really disruptive to all of the other children because they won’t see it as fair that their parents aren’t at both shows and holding their hand.

This^
I would seriously consider if it would be better for him and manageable for you to withdraw him from the Nativity. I think it’s too much sometimes in December for any child especially if there are some additional needs.
My teen daughter has additional needs so I’m talking from experience.

Enigma54 · 17/12/2025 15:25

I would leave it now. As others have said, many children feel overwhelmed being on stage in front of strangers. School staff are used to it and act accordingly.

flipent · 17/12/2025 15:26

"He will not have the understanding to reason with him why we won’t be there tomorrow."

This wouldn't have been any different if he had gotten involved today. It comes across more that you want to see him in the nativity rather than he needs you to be in attendance.

Dinoswearunderpants · 17/12/2025 15:33

I am kind of dumbfounded reading this. My DS is also in reception and I just could not imagine doing this (regardless of needs).

They are at school, they are the teachers responsibility just leave it be.

Mt DS had a carol concert and many children were overwhelmed and shy however it was the kids with the needs that got the support/attention and those other kids left to fend for themselves.

TheTaupeScroller · 17/12/2025 15:33

I attend tomorrow and sit on the side with him so he can join in.

no, really don't ask for that! The last thing the school need is for parents to sit on the side, you are being a bit silly

Enigma54 · 17/12/2025 15:39

Also OP, imagine if EVERY parent with an overwhelmed child/ child with ASD did this? Utter madness.

AliasGrape · 17/12/2025 15:41

I mean you can suggest it. I was a Reception teacher for many years and whether or not I'd have been open to that suggestion would depend on various factors, I wouldn't be annoyed by the suggestion but present it as a 'just a thought' way, not a demand.

Honestly, the Christmas performance is for the parents more than anything. I'm silently fuming that DD's this year was just a few songs over in 15 minutes and I feel robbed of my cute nativity moment, but that's with my parent head on. With my teacher head, I know that the children aren't actually getting that much from it. Having to rehearse endlessly, the amount of curriculum time it takes up, sitting still whilst increasingly stressed teaching staff slowly loose their minds around you and gesture wildly at you to speak up/ sing louder/ stop fidgeting. We can say oh it's a formative experience, builds confidence, helps to understand and appreciate the Christmas story, tradition, participating in a cultural activity, performing for an audience etc etc. And that's a tiny bit true, but not appropriate for all children, and really it's mostly for the parents because they expect it.

A long way of saying - your son really isn't missing anything hugely important if he's not included. But it's ok for you to be sad that you're missing that first Nativity experience, and to wish it was more enjoyable for your son.

Celestialmoods · 17/12/2025 15:42

I have worked on plenty of nativity plays and would not mind a parent asking this. Depending on a multitude of different circumstances, it might be allowed, it might not. But there is no harm in making the suggestion and letting the school know that they have your support in making these things as accessible as possible for your child. As you as you accept it graciously if they say no, it’s fine to ask the question.

IAmKerplunk · 17/12/2025 15:47

YANBU - I know my dc primary schools would have absolutely welcomed you and made space for you based on your dc needs.

Coconutter24 · 17/12/2025 15:47

He sat with a teacher today so why can’t he sit with one tomorrow?

Original poster
christmas2025nativity · 17/12/2025 15:53

Thank you for all your comments. I asked at school pick up and the teacher and headteacher was more than pleased to accommodate this. It’s a lovely nurturing school - my boy is lucky to go there ☺️

OP posts:
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