Page 5 | DS reception nativity - what would you do?

christmas2025nativity · 2025-12-17T15:05:09+00:00

DS has ASD diagnosis and is in the process of obtaining an EHCP. He has just had his nativity today, he got upset as it started and didn’t leave a teacher (who is not in his class) knee the whole time. We only had tickets for today. Am I being unreasonable to suggest to his teacher that I attend tomorrow and sit on the side with him so he can join in. The TA in his class was occupied with the other children which I totally understand. I know he will get upset if my husband or I are not in attendance tomorrow and I want it be inclusive for him and him not to miss out. He will not have the understanding to reason with him why we won’t be there tomorrow.

ThatMrsM · 18/12/2025 14:35

I would have done the same as you and asked for an extra ticket for the nativity today. At my son's school they always do two performances of the nativity on different days, and most parents I know book one ticket for each show and go separately so their child has someone to watch them at both shows. Might be worth doing in future years just in case they can't always be flexible with tickets.

Original poster

christmas2025nativity · 18/12/2025 20:17

Thank you for kind comments. People who get it ‘get it’. To the other not so nice comments, I do hope you become kinder people one day.
DS did amazing today. Just having me there provided comfort for him and even got on stage! So proud - he amazes me everyday. I will move mountains for him, if so be it and will advocate for him until my last breath 💙

OP posts:

nocomingbackfromthis · 18/12/2025 20:36

christmas2025nativity · 18/12/2025 20:17

Thank you for kind comments. People who get it ‘get it’. To the other not so nice comments, I do hope you become kinder people one day.
DS did amazing today. Just having me there provided comfort for him and even got on stage! So proud - he amazes me everyday. I will move mountains for him, if so be it and will advocate for him until my last breath 💙

This is lovely to read. Chuffed for you both :)

sprigatito · 18/12/2025 20:37

christmas2025nativity · 18/12/2025 20:17

Thank you for kind comments. People who get it ‘get it’. To the other not so nice comments, I do hope you become kinder people one day.
DS did amazing today. Just having me there provided comfort for him and even got on stage! So proud - he amazes me everyday. I will move mountains for him, if so be it and will advocate for him until my last breath 💙

Fabulous ❤️ well done to you and your DS!

IAmKerplunk · 19/12/2025 09:05

Aww lovely update op! Glad your dc primary school allowed you to be there. Mine would have as well.

Chuffed for your dc getting on stage 😀

Happy Christmas! 🎄

Carycach4 · 19/12/2025 09:10

I think that would be cheeky, and ot mught throw tbe other little kids to have this stranger sat in the wings , there is no guarantee that he won't do tbe same thing tomorrow

TheTaupeScroller · 19/12/2025 09:10

That's great, but every parent will ask the same now, as they should! Every child need support, and each parent must advocate for their so every child has the same experience. That's what being really inclusive mean, not giving special treatment to some families and not others.

IAmKerplunk · 19/12/2025 09:13

Carycach4 · 19/12/2025 09:10

I think that would be cheeky, and ot mught throw tbe other little kids to have this stranger sat in the wings , there is no guarantee that he won't do tbe same thing tomorrow

Op asked. School said yes. Dc happy to mum there and even made it on stage. At least read the ops updates 🤦🏽‍♀️

TheignT · 19/12/2025 09:26

TheTaupeScroller · 19/12/2025 09:10

That's great, but every parent will ask the same now, as they should! Every child need support, and each parent must advocate for their so every child has the same experience. That's what being really inclusive mean, not giving special treatment to some families and not others.

Wouldn't Most parents want to sit in the audience and watch their child on stage?

I'd have sympathy for a child and their parent not start demanding the same.

ImFineItsAllFine · 19/12/2025 09:28

christmas2025nativity · 18/12/2025 20:17

Thank you for kind comments. People who get it ‘get it’. To the other not so nice comments, I do hope you become kinder people one day.
DS did amazing today. Just having me there provided comfort for him and even got on stage! So proud - he amazes me everyday. I will move mountains for him, if so be it and will advocate for him until my last breath 💙

Oh I'm so glad OP, what a lovely update! Well done to your DS 😍 and to you as well of course for advocating for him.

sprigatito · 19/12/2025 12:48

TheTaupeScroller · 19/12/2025 09:10

That's great, but every parent will ask the same now, as they should! Every child need support, and each parent must advocate for their so every child has the same experience. That's what being really inclusive mean, not giving special treatment to some families and not others.

It’s almost like the Equality Act never happened 🤦‍♀️

TheTaupeScroller · 19/12/2025 13:06

TheignT · 19/12/2025 09:26

Wouldn't Most parents want to sit in the audience and watch their child on stage?

I'd have sympathy for a child and their parent not start demanding the same.

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do you know how many families ask for spare tickets, tickets for different days and want to come more?

It's not specifically from the parent, but one child seeing their friend has their mum nearby wants their own too. They're only little!

TheignT · 19/12/2025 13:15

TheTaupeScroller · 19/12/2025 13:06

do you know how many families ask for spare tickets, tickets for different days and want to come more?

It's not specifically from the parent, but one child seeing their friend has their mum nearby wants their own too. They're only little!

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This isn't about an extra ticket to watch the performance, this is about support for a child with special needs.

Coffeeandbooks88 · 19/12/2025 14:06

TheTaupeScroller · 19/12/2025 09:10

That's great, but every parent will ask the same now, as they should! Every child need support, and each parent must advocate for their so every child has the same experience. That's what being really inclusive mean, not giving special treatment to some families and not others.

Yes every child needs support but an autistic child needs more.

BoredZelda · 19/12/2025 14:29

Lentilcrispstastemeh · 17/12/2025 18:24

I should think every mother knows their child better than anyone else so why not have a free for all with all parents at the school supporting their child? Let the madness commence

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Because A) their children aren’t disabled and B) most neither want nor need to do that.

As the parent of a disabled teenager I’ve long since given up on worrying about what other parents might do or think if they saw me there supporting my daughter. If they want to live the rest of the life we have so they can get in on what they see as perks, they are more than welcome to it. Believe me, I really would rather have not had to attend every performance of every school show, trip, assembly, and all the birthday parties, brownie and guide meetings, choir sessions, after school activities, be with her all the time at soft play, just so she could have some sort of childhood experience vaguely resembling inclusion. I especially would have loved not having to do that with it serving as a slap in the face reminder that she couldn’t and wouldn’t ever be able to do the things other kids could.

Equity and inclusion are as important in the nativity as they are at any other time of the year.

YankSplaining · 19/12/2025 14:33

Glad everything worked out, OP. 😊

Lentilcrispstastemeh · 19/12/2025 14:37

BoredZelda · 19/12/2025 14:29

Because A) their children aren’t disabled and B) most neither want nor need to do that.

As the parent of a disabled teenager I’ve long since given up on worrying about what other parents might do or think if they saw me there supporting my daughter. If they want to live the rest of the life we have so they can get in on what they see as perks, they are more than welcome to it. Believe me, I really would rather have not had to attend every performance of every school show, trip, assembly, and all the birthday parties, brownie and guide meetings, choir sessions, after school activities, be with her all the time at soft play, just so she could have some sort of childhood experience vaguely resembling inclusion. I especially would have loved not having to do that with it serving as a slap in the face reminder that she couldn’t and wouldn’t ever be able to do the things other kids could.

Equity and inclusion are as important in the nativity as they are at any other time of the year.

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I don’t care much either way but there are degrees of disability and there is the risk of those who shout loudest under the guise of “advocating for their children” getting more for their children than others with equal or greater “need’.
Not suggesting you or the OP necessarily fall into that camp though.

Winterwonderwhy · 19/12/2025 14:39

That is a wonderful school op. They would rather bend the rules so your child can join in, rather than him missing out.

Kirbert2 · 19/12/2025 14:39

Lentilcrispstastemeh · 19/12/2025 14:37

I don’t care much either way but there are degrees of disability and there is the risk of those who shout loudest under the guise of “advocating for their children” getting more for their children than others with equal or greater “need’.
Not suggesting you or the OP necessarily fall into that camp though.

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Then they need to advocate for their child too. If they don't, that isn't OP's fault.

Lentilcrispstastemeh · 19/12/2025 14:42

Kirbert2 · 19/12/2025 14:39

Then they need to advocate for their child too. If they don't, that isn't OP's fault.

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Some parents are less able to advocate for their children which is why it would be fairer for the help to be based on need rather than on the ability to shout loudest.

Kirbert2 · 19/12/2025 14:47

Lentilcrispstastemeh · 19/12/2025 14:42

Some parents are less able to advocate for their children which is why it would be fairer for the help to be based on need rather than on the ability to shout loudest.

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and who decides who needs it and who doesn't? OP didn't go in shouting and demanding, she politely asked and school were happy to accept and OP was right, it did help her child.

Unfortunately, you don't get anywhere in the system if you have a disabled child without advocating for them. It is unfortunate that some parents can't or won't advocate for their children and they need support, the answer isn't for other parents to not advocate for their children just because not all parents can or will.

Lentilcrispstastemeh · 19/12/2025 14:53

Kirbert2 · 19/12/2025 14:47

and who decides who needs it and who doesn't? OP didn't go in shouting and demanding, she politely asked and school were happy to accept and OP was right, it did help her child.

Unfortunately, you don't get anywhere in the system if you have a disabled child without advocating for them. It is unfortunate that some parents can't or won't advocate for their children and they need support, the answer isn't for other parents to not advocate for their children just because not all parents can or will.

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Obviously the professionals in “the system” should decide who needs the support but I’m sure that isn’t the case at the moment.
As I said I’m not intending criticism of individual parents who obviously want the best for their children. That’s probably why private schools have a higher proportion of students allocated extra time in exams. Doesn’t mean that is as it should be but likely that those parents are best equipped to advocate for their children.

Kirbert2 · 19/12/2025 15:02

Lentilcrispstastemeh · 19/12/2025 14:53

Obviously the professionals in “the system” should decide who needs the support but I’m sure that isn’t the case at the moment.
As I said I’m not intending criticism of individual parents who obviously want the best for their children. That’s probably why private schools have a higher proportion of students allocated extra time in exams. Doesn’t mean that is as it should be but likely that those parents are best equipped to advocate for their children.

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I grew up on a housing estate in a deprived area with a single mum, went to a rough school and now live in social housing on benefits.

You don't need to have money to learn the system and advocate for your child though money obviously helps as it always does.

In this case, it was simply a polite request which most people are capable of and you don't need money for it either.

Lentilcrispstastemeh · 19/12/2025 15:03

Kirbert2 · 19/12/2025 15:02

I grew up on a housing estate in a deprived area with a single mum, went to a rough school and now live in social housing on benefits.

You don't need to have money to learn the system and advocate for your child though money obviously helps as it always does.

In this case, it was simply a polite request which most people are capable of and you don't need money for it either.

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Agreed

BoredZelda · 19/12/2025 15:07

Lentilcrispstastemeh · 19/12/2025 14:37

I don’t care much either way but there are degrees of disability and there is the risk of those who shout loudest under the guise of “advocating for their children” getting more for their children than others with equal or greater “need’.
Not suggesting you or the OP necessarily fall into that camp though.

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Again, I won’t not advocate for my disabled child on an individual basis because others can’t or won’t advocate for theirs.

There have been several examples of where my daughter and I have changed things and it has brought benefit for the children coming up in the school behind her. I also mentor parents who struggle to advocate for their disabled children. The system is designed to make it hard for us so we don’t make a fuss, or end up giving up. My child won’t be a victim of that system and I work to make sure others aren’t. But her missing out on things didn’t help other disabled kids who also missed out on things.