DS reception nativity - what would you do?

[christmas2025nativity]

DS has ASD diagnosis and is in the process of obtaining an EHCP. He has just had his nativity today, he got upset as it started and didn’t leave a teacher (who is not in his class) knee the whole time. We only had tickets for today. Am I being unreasonable to suggest to his teacher that I attend tomorrow and sit on the side with him so he can join in. The TA in his class was occupied with the other children which I totally understand. I know he will get upset if my husband or I are not in attendance tomorrow and I want it be inclusive for him and him not to miss out. He will not have the understanding to reason with him why we won’t be there tomorrow.

It’s ok to ask but don’t be upset if they can’t accommodate your request. Hope it goes well tomorrow!

You can ask. Depends on the size of school and numbers as to whether they can say yes or not.
How are you hoping to help? I’m not sure that even my tiny little school would be comfortable with a parent sitting with the children as the performance was happening. Your presence may possibly cause different issues with different children. Do you expect that he will actually go on stage if you sit with him? It’s my experience that children are often less cooperative for their parents than they are for their teacher.

My DD also did not join in. Also EHCP. Also was not up for it. You being there prob won't change the participation level.
Just accept it is what it is. You're not going to get the same experience the NT kids' parents do. Your kid doesn't want to be part of it.
Otoh my joy 4 years later - when she did get on stage - far, far surpassed that of those parents. So it's swings and roundabouts.
Don't add to the teacher stress.

This.

If anything, I'd ask the school for your child to not partake in the show if it is causing him distress. If he finds the experience upsetting he should be allowed to opt out of it, so as to prevent any further distress.

It may not change his “participation level” but it will probably help with his stress level. It will also free up a teacher, which is why I’m not surprised the school has snapped OP’s hand off!

Parents of children with this type of additional need do tend to learn quickly that “accepting that it is what it is” isn’t always the best approach. As long as OP is polite and respectful, asking for minor accommodations is fine.

Not sure what the point of this thread was.

I really don't understand why you think attending tomorrow will help him?

I'm surprised the staff agreed to be honest.

Unless you have a child with needs maybe you can’t/won’t understand? He is already calmer now I have mentioned I’ll be sat with him tomorrow.

Not sure what the point of your comment is?

I’m stunned how many think this totally reasonable adjustment isn’t something to request. Glad you were supported op.

To the comments saying why don't I remove him? He wants to participate, he has been excited for weeks. Why is a minor adjustment so hard for others to understand. It should be about inclusion! Please look Equality Act 2010 and widen your understanding.

No I wouldn't. The nativity isn't fun for every child I have one ND child who loves being on stage and it is my NT child that stands on the edge almost in tears often having a cuddle from a random teacher.

Well I hope it helps but it sounds like he found the noise and the performing overwhelming which is understandable lots of 4 years olds do. It's sad when they want to join in and get overwhelmed but in my experience a parent being there often does the opposite of what your intending but obviously you know your son best so we can't actually advice you all that well.

Glad to hear the school are happy to this. Sounds like they are really supportive. My child used to struggle to eat food at lunch time (again he is ASD). My primary school were happy to let one of his parents go in at lunchtime to sit with him and help him eat. Schools hopefully really only want the best for our children

you asked what you should do.

90% said say nothing.

Then you went and asked, which you were always going to do anyway werent you, so wasnt really any point making thread asking what to do.

Schools have got a lot going on, at this time of year. I’d just leave it. There will be other plays/shows.

I do have (three) children with autism (as well as other needs, and extra support thanks to their EHCP). I really do not understand why you are putting him through this again. He’s performed once, you saw it, he wasn’t happy, why subject him to that again??

This, in spades!

OP it's always worth having a conversation with the teacher to find out what can be accommodated.

My DC school would always rather DC with ASD participated in an activity with the support of a parent, rather than opt out of the activity or feel upset/unable to join in.

I will say that I think you need to look at whether your actions are actually supportive or not, because that’s not how it comes across. It has nothing to do with the EA and a reasonable adjustment does not mean anything the parent wants.

I would just keep him off tomorrow, the last week of term is really hard for ND children.

It would be for you rather than for him. At this age, he really doesn't care if his role in the nativity went to plan or not.
The staff have enough to deal with.

Would the school think your reasonable adjustment is reasonable? Or is it a pain in the arse and setting unnecessary precedents?

I’m shocked at some of the responses. We’ve always done this with Ds and dd both have ASD and the school encourages parents to help in this sort of way.

Im glad your school are as understanding @christmas2025nativity and I hope it means your Ds can join in and feel more relaxed with you there

It could be quite the opposite he really might care a lot ! Children with ASD thrive on routine and structure and if he felt he wasn’t sticking to the schedule of the nativity he could be distressed ?

In future, split it so you go to one show and Dad goes to the other?