DS reception nativity - what would you do?

[christmas2025nativity]

DS has ASD diagnosis and is in the process of obtaining an EHCP. He has just had his nativity today, he got upset as it started and didn’t leave a teacher (who is not in his class) knee the whole time. We only had tickets for today. Am I being unreasonable to suggest to his teacher that I attend tomorrow and sit on the side with him so he can join in. The TA in his class was occupied with the other children which I totally understand. I know he will get upset if my husband or I are not in attendance tomorrow and I want it be inclusive for him and him not to miss out. He will not have the understanding to reason with him why we won’t be there tomorrow.

Well, that's my experience.

You need to trust the staff to deal with it as they think best.

Quite. And that’s all it is.

Ok then. Whatever.

I don't see the big issue of letting you come to tomorrow's show. However do you want to be wanting him to do another show when he obviously didn't want to do it?

My probable autistic three year old walked around the stage, had a clap and squeal and stimmed and then occasionally sat on the bench. He wouldn't take part and I didn't expect that he would sing because he is still fairly non verbal. Also refused to sit with any of the TAs or me! It was only 10 minutes but I wouldn't ask him to do it through next day.

I’m surprised at these responses and glad the school were sensible and supportive! If he wants to participate this is a fairly straightforward (and low effort on schools part) reasonable adjustment. I’m glad you asked and got a decent response!

My DS who has ASD also has had amazing teachers who have constantly gone the extra mile. It makes such a difference!

Why didn’t you do whatever you’re going to do tomorrow today? I don’t understand that.

I should think every mother knows their child better than anyone else so why not have a free for all with all parents at the school supporting their child? Let the madness commence

He's five. It's really not that unusual that he sat on a teacher's knee the entire time.

Stop looking for problems where there aren't any

It’s good you asked & didn’t listen to everyone
on here saying don’t. Hope it goes well tomorrow & if it doesn’t at least you tried.

Do all the children in the school have a disability that requires reasonable adjustments? No. You’re being ridiculous.

I'm a primary SENCO and really wouldn't think this at all, but then again I'd have no problem saying no to parents if it wasn't appropriate/helpful/in the child's best interests so wouldn't be worried about a precedent.

Stop making it about you!

The comments here are totally baffling. OP you're doing the right thing supporting your son.

My son had to come and sit with me in the audience every time (3 performances a year, 3 years running) as he cried throughout. Leaving him to cry on stage under bright lights in front of everyone would have been traumatic for him and distracting for everyone else! Opting out completely wasn't an option as all staff were busy in the nativity.

Yes. There are plenty of NT children who also need this from time to time

I’m glad you spoke to them. I don’t think people read your OP properly, and thought you just wanted to sit in the audience, rather than be his support.

Don't listen to everyone saying "oh they're already sooo busy this time of year - leave it"

They are literally paid to do this job. Lots of people have busy jobs, but you know what... we all chose our careers!

I say this from experience as someone who started out not wanting to rock the boat with an ASD child. But all that got me and my child was a whole load of nothing! You dont need to be impolite - but you have to advocate for your child. Trust me in a few years you'll be sick of apologising for yourself and wont really give a fuck about what might cause a minor inconvenience to the people paid to teach him.

Are you going to sit on the stage with him?
Thats unusual.

What a nasty comment. She asked they agreed, no big deal.

I'd have thought most parents would want to be sitting In the audience watching their child on stage. I'd just feel sympathetic to the mum who couldn't do that but needed to support their child.

I sat to the side when my son was doing his. He is ND though and ran out of the door once.

I do think your comment crosses into ableist territory.

Support isn’t favouritism, it’s accessibility. Children with additional needs aren’t getting “extra,” they’re getting what they require to participate at the same level as others. If some children didn’t receive enough support, that’s a staffing issue, not a justification for withdrawing support from those who need it.

Yes, exactly this, I'm baffled by some of the comments.

OP has said that her son was excited for the nativity, this isn't an unreasonable request for a child with a disability. I have ALN and (unsurprisingly) a child with ALN. The school have obviously agreed to this reasonable adjustment, so OPs question was valid.

Well done for advocating for your son OP. Unfortunately this thread highlights why this is still needed even in 2025.

Yep. Three non verbal autistic boys in my sons nursery class. Of course nearly all the staff are going to focus on them as they need it more. Not entirely sure my son is a favourite of the staff. 😂

Are there actually people in the world that think that sitting away from all the other parents, in full view of said parents (most of whom will be openly staring), to support a child who is behaving totally differently from the other kids on stage is 'special treatment'?

It's really not. It's massively othering and often excruciating, but parents of kids with SEND go through it because we want to give our DC the best chance at being able to participate in things. OP said her son had been really excited about being part of the nativity.