Sister in law asking we don’t do Christmas meal as dinner

[Cartaz]

DH’s family have always had a fry up/homemade pastries for breakfast. Proper posh, homemade canapés for lunch with cocktails. Think prawn and lobster vol au vents, mini Brie and cranberry puffs, arancini etc - so properly substantial. And then the Christmas meal as dinner.

They are amazing cooks so it’s indulgent. But the thing I like about this is you are eating when you are hungry. My family did the more typical eat a bit later at around 2pm. But I always found after picky bits/breakfast just general grazing eating a full roast was too much. And you obviously want all the nice extra bits.

This new way I feel like the time pressure is off and everyone gets stuck in more. Just more relaxed (for us).

I’ve adopted what dh’s family do. But SIL who is staying with us this year as we are hosting has asked that we bring to forward as it more traditional.

I just don’t get doing something one way cause everyone else is doing it that way.

To me it’s just more relaxed and who doesn’t love a candlelight dinner. I can’t believe the cheek of SIL

I thought it was universally acknowledged that Christmas dinner is served at 3pm and my eyes have been opened by this thread

When SIL actually hosts a Christmas dinner under her own roof, she then gets to pick the serving time
Under your roof, if she doesn't like the timings she doesn't have to be there!

Yes indeed, and I must be almost 100% Hyacinth at this stage because I’m shocked by how many here think SIL has every right to request that the meal be rescheduled for her.

Even if eating the meal so ‘late’ (😳) meant some terrible subsequent penalty (nightmare caused by bread sauce? Seeing ghosts, owing to sage and onion stuffing?), I’d be incapable of making such a request.
I’d find good manners pretty insuperable there. (Also, acknowledgement of the intentions of the hosts, which isn’t yer basic canteen feeding operation, but a twinkling occasion, for which they are creating a particular atmosphere.)

I don't like eating too late... but in this case I'd just have a bigger lunch and a small plate for dinner! I can't imagine being a guest and asking someone to change plans... especially as OP is making multiple meals for guests by the looks of it.

I'm the opposite: I can't eat a large meal after about 4.00pm.

We always have our main Christmas meal at lunchtime, starting between about 12.30 and 1.00pm and usually finishing at about 2.30pm.

Cheeky. For what its worth we do it your way, roast at about 6pm after a good late breakfast and no lunch.

I agree with the first posts, tell her she can do what she wants when she hosts and leave it at that. Brook no complaining!

It's nice to take your guests preferences into consideration, makes you a good hostess. However, you are the hostess, it's your house, you're preparing the meal, you're preparing the home, you're choosing how the day goes forward... As others have said, TV's free to voice her opinion however, it is your home and while you are the hostess, you choose. She should show up happy and grateful, and if she doesn't, she will not be your guest again

This! Why should the cook never be free to go to church if he or she wants to?

My mother never cooked for lunchtime on a Sunday either, same reason.

An odd request. Just say no, this is your family's tradition.

I can't believe anyone has breakfast ,lunch and dinner on Christmas day....I would be way too full to enjoy the dinner at the end TBH
You're hosting though so your call.

The point is, I wouldn't be wedded to the plan, and I would probably change it in order to keep my guests happy...unless I thought it would spoil things for other people.

But I would also think that the person requesting the change of plan was fucking rude.

As for formality? No, my family is anything but formal. I guess we just don't see basic manners as a formality.

And I don't see any polite request as a lack of manners.

@Cartaz Are there small children to cater for, and is that why she might be asking?

Absolutely

You're the host, you set the schedule. She can have her roast dinner at the time of her choosing when she hosts.

I suspect it's because she wants to leave earlier in the day.

So we can agree to disagree on that.

In my book, it would be impolite for a Christmas guest to ask the host to structure the entire day around their personal preferences, and as a host, I would be astonished if any of my guests were cheeky enough to do this. I might well go along with their request, but I would consider it rude that they asked.

Its a lack of manners to put the host in an awkward position just to suit yourself! They either have to change their plans to accommodate you or say no to you and some people feel uncomfortable doing that! If you are invited to a pre planned event then you should either accept and go along with the host’s plan or politely decline.

yes she only asked but it was incredibly rude of her to put the host in the position of having to say no.

Bottom line.

Its not like you are going to starve her on Christmas Day.

Unless she's got very young DC who will be joining in the meal it's cheeky to try and influence mealtimes in someone else's house.

My DC would be an overtired, over- sugared mess on Christmas day if the main meal wasn't till the evening. But I'd only mention that to the the host if they asked my thoughts on timings. Otherwise I'd do my best to make it work with their preferred time.

That's always been the way here. Queen's speech would be on and you have it then. The only people I knew who didn't were alcoholics (functional or otherwise) who would prioritise drinking all morning (as it is nearly acceptable at Xmas). Kids would be stuffed with sweets and chocolate and throwing up by lunchtime.

Just say thankyou for the suggestion, but we've already planned our other meals for the days and prefer the later dinner meal timings.
With a strained smiley/ piss off and leave me alone face xx

Who complained? OP doesn't say that! If SIL complained then yes she is rude; hardly "the very essence of CFuckery"!

Tell her NO and if she presses the issue simply give her directions to the nearest drive-through.

But is it still "cheeky" to ask the host to change the time if eating then is going to cause you problems? Because a lot of people seem to think it is always disgustingly rude to give any indication that maybe something could be done a bit differently to make them more comfortable...