Sister in law asking we don’t do Christmas meal as dinner

[Cartaz]

DH’s family have always had a fry up/homemade pastries for breakfast. Proper posh, homemade canapés for lunch with cocktails. Think prawn and lobster vol au vents, mini Brie and cranberry puffs, arancini etc - so properly substantial. And then the Christmas meal as dinner.

They are amazing cooks so it’s indulgent. But the thing I like about this is you are eating when you are hungry. My family did the more typical eat a bit later at around 2pm. But I always found after picky bits/breakfast just general grazing eating a full roast was too much. And you obviously want all the nice extra bits.

This new way I feel like the time pressure is off and everyone gets stuck in more. Just more relaxed (for us).

I’ve adopted what dh’s family do. But SIL who is staying with us this year as we are hosting has asked that we bring to forward as it more traditional.

I just don’t get doing something one way cause everyone else is doing it that way.

To me it’s just more relaxed and who doesn’t love a candlelight dinner. I can’t believe the cheek of SIL

How late do you mean though op, and as others asked does she have kids? Because certain times will mean they’ll have a hellish evening!

Isn't it?
Like some posters I prefer to eat my Christmas dinner at lunchtime ish rather than in the evening. It's too big a meal for us to eat in the evening.

Does she have small kids? Only because when mine were tiny a late dinner would be a pain in the neck if they were expected to be part of it. Nice canapes would be fine for lunch, but if dinner was much past 6, my kids would have been knackered and hard work.

The host can do what they like. I once brought two loaves of home made bread to Xmas to do bruschetta. We didn't get served lunch until 4pm. Old people were incredibly grateful for being served what is essentially cheese on toast at 1pm. So communicate and accommodate.

What time is it usually at?

As if eg at 8/9pm it might mean younger members of the family are already in bed.

We have family members who insist on eating at this time (all year round!) and it makes things very awkward with young kids.

OP, I agree with the majority but dies your SIL have a long drive home afterwards? Does she have young children?

It is though. If someone is hosting you then you eat when they want to. You don't ask to change it to suit you.

She is staying with them. No drive home. She wants it early purely because it’s “traditional.” But it isn’t, not for a huge number of people.

Do you know her reasoning for the request? Will the candlelit dinner clash with toddler bedtime, baby colic? Will she be expected to be in the kitchen until very late helping with the washing up / cleaning?

You might if they usually eat at 8/9pm and you have a young child.

As this means the children miss out on the Christmas dinner / parents may need to leave before then.

The Op explains the reason for the request - to be more traditional.

I'm in Ireland and we always have it around 3 p.m. Not speaking for all of Ireland obviously, but the families I know all tend to have it around then or perhaps an hour or so earlier.

So my understanding is that in your in-laws family their tradition is to have a delicious breakfast and canapés until an evening dinner. OP usually has a 2pm lunch. This year she would like to adopt her in-laws tradition. Her SIL would prefer the 2pm lunch. I think it really makes a difference if it’s a SIL on OPs family side or her husband’s ? It could just be she prefers your usual way of doing things OP or that she thinks the 7pm thing in her family works because they are great cooks ! It’s fine for her to ask but it’s always fine for you to ask why she has asked…

I much prefer the christmas meal at around kids tea time - so 5 ish - it works well as a normal meal time and it's dark! Much cosier with candles and the day is done, just focus on relaxing with the meal

also, less time pressure on the chefs.

The days are so short in winter, I find it depressing to sit down in the light for a long meal -

I guess I'd want to know her reasons. Does she not want to eat lots of pastry canapés so ends up peckish mid afternoon? Does she get indigestion if she eats late at night? Does Christmas dinner have a habit of drifting later and later?

Could you compromise and bring main course forward an hour or something? I think this is one of those situations where talking is best. This is assuming SiL is a reasonable type of course. Yes, ultimately hosts get final say, but I'm still doing certain things for others that I wouldn't do if I was serving multiple versions of me.

Yes

Well, you’re hosting so you can do what you want.

Christmas dinner in the evening is a bit weird though so can see where your SIL is coming from. Nice breakfast and presents in the morning, Christmas lunch around 2, afternoon for sleeping or playing games.

The canapés are unnecessary and messing up the running order!

I disagree; if you are being hosted then it is polite (unless life-threatening) to fall in with the traditions of the post family. Too many people today seem to think that they can just dictate what everybody else does. It’s time that they learned that they are not the centre of the universe 😞

She's a guest. Dictating timings is not cool. Dietary reqs, fair enough. If she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come. Hold firm.

I think it's pretty cheeky to think that, as a guest in someone else's house, you can ask them to change their entire plan to fit around your personal preferences.

Too many people these days unable to distinguish between a polite request for discussion and being dictated to more like.

I'm amazed at all these threads about xmas guests dictating rules.

Has she just asked, or demanded? I think the cheek depends on that really.

Are SIL's the new MIL's on MN at the moment?
If it was a polite suggestion, I can't see why she's being so maligned.
It would still be a no though - do what suits you as hosts.

I disagree, to try and change a hosts plans based on your own preference is both rude and cheeky imo.