Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister in law asking we don’t do Christmas meal as dinner

316 replies

Cartaz · 17/12/2025 12:41

DH’s family have always had a fry up/homemade pastries for breakfast. Proper posh, homemade canapés for lunch with cocktails. Think prawn and lobster vol au vents, mini Brie and cranberry puffs, arancini etc - so properly substantial. And then the Christmas meal as dinner.

They are amazing cooks so it’s indulgent. But the thing I like about this is you are eating when you are hungry. My family did the more typical eat a bit later at around 2pm. But I always found after picky bits/breakfast just general grazing eating a full roast was too much. And you obviously want all the nice extra bits.

This new way I feel like the time pressure is off and everyone gets stuck in more. Just more relaxed (for us).

I’ve adopted what dh’s family do. But SIL who is staying with us this year as we are hosting has asked that we bring to forward as it more traditional.

I just don’t get doing something one way cause everyone else is doing it that way.

To me it’s just more relaxed and who doesn’t love a candlelight dinner. I can’t believe the cheek of SIL

OP posts:
Epidote · 17/12/2025 13:19

Do what you want and serve want you want you are the host. Not up to someone expectations? Who cares they can not come or host next year.

DappledThings · 17/12/2025 13:19

Notonthestairs · 17/12/2025 13:17

It’s fairly obvious that the host hosts to their preferred timetable. Food timings on Christmas Day are hardly accidental. That’s what makes it cheeky.
it also signals that the guest isn’t content with how the host manages things.
She’s free to host and have timings as she’d like.

I can't imagine being so stiff and formal with family that we couldn't have a chat about what works for everyone and be accommodating if there is a good reason for amending.

Bobiverse · 17/12/2025 13:21

I’m in Scotland and, at least at where I grew up and where I live now, almost everyone has it as the normal evening meal. Sometimes maybe around 4pm instead of 7pm, but it’s always dinner and not lunch.

Is it and English thing to have it as lunch?

Notonthestairs · 17/12/2025 13:22

I see it as respect for the host. If someone is going to the effort to cook for me the least I can do is let them do things their way. Whether that’s Christmas Day or any other.
It doesn’t sound as if it’s being cooked as a team effort.

Ketzele · 17/12/2025 13:22

Is ut cheeky? Maybe, but you can choose whether or not to feel aggrieved. Just politely tell her no, then carry on as you were.

SwingTheMonkey · 17/12/2025 13:23

Slightly perplexed at the idea that the ‘proper’ time for Xmas dinner is 1pm?! Who decided that?

We do things your way, op, my in laws eat at around 2pm. I’d never even dream about asking them to alter their timings because I prefer a later dinner. Unbelievably cheeky.

Bobiverse · 17/12/2025 13:23

DappledThings · 17/12/2025 13:19

I can't imagine being so stiff and formal with family that we couldn't have a chat about what works for everyone and be accommodating if there is a good reason for amending.

Show quote history

Maybe for the content of the meal due to dietary needs, or dinner at 5 instead of 8 if there are little children around but not moving Christmas meal from dinner time to lunch time. There is no good reason for that, because if you’ve been invited for dinner but can’t attend then you decline the invitation. You don’t tell the host to change their entire day, because that’s what this would need. The entire day would need to change.

bridgetreilly · 17/12/2025 13:23

How is it that people are incapable of normal conversation? She asks if you could have it earlier, you say no, this is how we like to do it. No one needs to give it any more thought.

bridgetreilly · 17/12/2025 13:24

Bobiverse · 17/12/2025 13:23

Maybe for the content of the meal due to dietary needs, or dinner at 5 instead of 8 if there are little children around but not moving Christmas meal from dinner time to lunch time. There is no good reason for that, because if you’ve been invited for dinner but can’t attend then you decline the invitation. You don’t tell the host to change their entire day, because that’s what this would need. The entire day would need to change.

Show quote history

She didn’t tell, she asked!

DappledThings · 17/12/2025 13:25

Bobiverse · 17/12/2025 13:23

Maybe for the content of the meal due to dietary needs, or dinner at 5 instead of 8 if there are little children around but not moving Christmas meal from dinner time to lunch time. There is no good reason for that, because if you’ve been invited for dinner but can’t attend then you decline the invitation. You don’t tell the host to change their entire day, because that’s what this would need. The entire day would need to change.

Show quote history

Nobody has told the host anything. They have asked, in OP's own words. Totally different.

honeylulu · 17/12/2025 13:26

It's a bit cheeky to ask but you can just say the main meal is planned for the evening and you won't be changing that.

I do wonder though (since the evening meal on Christmas day is a tradition from her family) if she has always wondered what it would be like to have it at lunchtime-ish for a change and it's looking forward to doing it differently. Does she know that you have followed/adopted your inlaws timings if she hasn't been at yours on Christmas day before? She might have assumed you are more likely to do it at lunchtime?

Clefable · 17/12/2025 13:26

Bobiverse · 17/12/2025 13:21

I’m in Scotland and, at least at where I grew up and where I live now, almost everyone has it as the normal evening meal. Sometimes maybe around 4pm instead of 7pm, but it’s always dinner and not lunch.

Is it and English thing to have it as lunch?

I’m Scottish and wonder this too! Ours has never been earlier than about 4. We are still opening presents and eating chocs at 1pm!

5128gap · 17/12/2025 13:26

Just say everyone else prefers it the way you've planned, so you're going to go with the majority.

Bobiverse · 17/12/2025 13:27

DappledThings · 17/12/2025 13:25

Nobody has told the host anything. They have asked, in OP's own words. Totally different.

Show quote history

But it’s a rude thing to ask. Some request ate rude. This one is. You don’t ask a host to change their entire day for you.

toomuchcrapeverywhere · 17/12/2025 13:28

It’s always people who don’t cook or entertain themselves who ask for things to be changed/moved. I invited a friend for New Year’s Eve dinner at 1930, and she rocked up about 2130, when we were all tucking in. I did stress that we would be eating around 2030, and that it was a sit down dinner, but she still seemed amazed to see it happening. I’d started serving at 2100 as we really couldn’t wait any longer.

BerriesPineCones · 17/12/2025 13:29

OccasionalHope · 17/12/2025 12:45

She can dictate the timings when she hosts.

I agree

Gowlett · 17/12/2025 13:29

If there’s loads of food going on in general, she’ll be fine.
My MIL would have cupboards full of biscuits, sweets etc…
Buying the stuff for weeks before Christmas, putting it aside.
Then, never offering any to guests… Just a cup of tea.
She’d then be offloading all the tins, boxes in the new year.
Strange behaviour. They’re more booze people, than food.

honeylulu · 17/12/2025 13:30

toomuchcrapeverywhere · 17/12/2025 13:28

It’s always people who don’t cook or entertain themselves who ask for things to be changed/moved. I invited a friend for New Year’s Eve dinner at 1930, and she rocked up about 2130, when we were all tucking in. I did stress that we would be eating around 2030, and that it was a sit down dinner, but she still seemed amazed to see it happening. I’d started serving at 2100 as we really couldn’t wait any longer.

Yes I have noticed the same. Likewise the parents who don't respond to birthday party invitations, turn up with siblings etc are always the ones who never host parties themselves!

bridgetreilly · 17/12/2025 13:30

Bobiverse · 17/12/2025 13:27

But it’s a rude thing to ask. Some request ate rude. This one is. You don’t ask a host to change their entire day for you.

Show quote history

No, it isn’t. She’s perfectly entitled to ask as a new member to the family, whether this is a thing that is flexible.

DappledThings · 17/12/2025 13:30

Bobiverse · 17/12/2025 13:27

But it’s a rude thing to ask. Some request ate rude. This one is. You don’t ask a host to change their entire day for you.

Show quote history

I don't agree. But like I said I can't imagine being so stiff with family with whoever is the host being so formal a position that chatting about plans and putting across a preference was seen as rude

Power26 · 17/12/2025 13:30

My thought process is just get your husband to deal with her, if it’s in laws you shouldn’t be the one responding

SatsumaDog · 17/12/2025 13:31

Your house your rules. Hosts dictate timings, guests ho with the flow.

shesaysshestiredoflifeshemustbetiredofsomething · 17/12/2025 13:31

Don't agree that it's rude to ask, as long as she accepts the no gracefully

SatsumaDog · 17/12/2025 13:32

As a caveat, as a host I would consider changing timings if young children were involved or and elderly or ill relative who needed to eat earlier. Otherwise, healthy adults? No.

BauhausOfEliott · 17/12/2025 13:34

tipsyraven · 17/12/2025 12:57

I don’t like having Christmas dinner in the evening. Firstly because the cook is then spending most of the day cooking and I like to relax once it is done for the day. Secondly, I can’t digest a large meal in the evening, it gives me indigestion. I’m with your SiL.

So, when you are the one hosting, don't have your Christmas dinner in the evening.

When you are not the one hosting, you don't get to ask the host to completely change their plans just to suit you.