DS dating a “influencer”, to think we just need to bite our tongues

[Thatsnotmyjobtoday]

DS is 26, normal job, normal life, very happy. He is currently in the early stages of a new relationship and his girlfriends job is social media, YouTube mostly but also TikTok etc. she seems to earn well from it and does mostly travel/experience content.
Personally I don’t really rate social media creators as a career but I understand some do very well from it, she seems like an intelligent girl, has a degree etc.
DH has much stronger views and thinks it’s idiotic and suggests a low IQ. He is adamant we need to ward DS off the girl. I think that would be futile, in my experience expressing discontent with an adult DCs decisions tends to only lead to them going further in on it.
I do have concerns they he might get tempted into the social media world or that her travel heavy lifestyle will make maintaining the relationship difficult, but I also think that is not our problem and DS will just have to navigate it if it comes up.
DH on the other hand is under the opinion that him being an adult doesn’t mean we aren’t his parents and a word of caution/advice is our duty in this situation.

Im worried DH is going to say something over Christmas (they aren’t spending it together but DS is coming home) and it’s going to result in an argument. Right now I’d say DS is in the smitten and doting phase so even if we did offer our opinions (which I don’t think we should) I doubt he’d listen as obviously she’s the best thing since sliced bread right now. I also worry we might not actually be qualified to comment as we aren’t part of the social media generation so have limited understanding on how it actually works.

AIBU to say we just need to bite our tongues, not rock the boat and see where it goes?

Judgey judgey. Your poor son and the gf.

Nothing to do with either of you, your son isn’t a baby and is capable of making his own judgements. If he asks your opinion, you can give it. Social media influencers can make a lot of money with a much better work / life balance. It’s 2025 - degrees and 9 to 5’s aren’t necessary.

I’d tell dh very slowly and clearly that she’s not a criminal or a sex worker, that our son is an adult who has currently chosen her, and he will be friendly and welcoming. And, if he doesn’t manage that and criticises them at Christmas and they get upset, you’ve invited them for Christmas, they are your guests and you will ask him to leave and them to stay.

Your son is 26, it's none of your business.

Probably not my idea of career choice to start with but it seems like she’s doing well. Your DS is presumably happy so don’t interfere.

DH has much stronger views and thinks it’s idiotic and suggests a low IQ. He is adamant we need to ward DS off the girl.

(I mistakenly read this as "we need to ward off the girl" and was imagining ritual sage smudging and strategic placement of runes and hexes.)

Your DH is being ridiculous - at best old fashioned and classist, or possibly something more unpleasant. If she's successful in a competitive career, how can she definitionally have "a low IQ"? But even if she did, your son is 26, financially independent, and doesn't even live with you. If it's absolutely necessary, his dad could mention that he has concerns about the girlfriend's profession, same way he might if son were dating Nigel Farage or Tony Blair, but I wouldn't encourage or participate even in that. Your son gets to choose who he dates, just as you two did/do - and your husband doesn't even KNOW the girlfriend, he's acting purely on prejudice.

Your son is 26 so he is an adult. Therefore he can make his own life choices.
As for his gf having a low IQ - she has a degree! I'd suggest she knows exactly what she's doing and right now she is living her life to the fullest and enjoying everything it has to offer. I suggest you and your husband do the same.
Your husband sounds like a twat if all he can think of doing is upsetting your son on such a joyous day. Your son doesn't live with you and very much has his own life. Therefore he doesn't have to come back to you for this big day. Cherish him while you can and keep yours and your husband's opinions to yourselves.

I can imagine your son might be used to dealing with your DH’s rigid ways and dated opinions. He’ll hopefully grit his teeth and try to ignore him. It won’t do your relationship with your DS any favours in the long term though. I’d be making it clear to your DH, that if he tries to cause an argument with your DS about something that is none of his business you’ll be furious.

Also travel vlogging on sm has been around for ages, it’s not new and it’s not just young people. I have a friend in her 40’s who does it as a career and she has been very successful.

It's essentially a new form of digital publication. Digital magazines have been around a long time and these people are creating multimedia digital ones. Some of them will fold, some will do ot at no financial gain because they enjoy it, some will make a bit of money, some will make enough to live on, some will do exceptionally well.

It's not very secure as a profession but even if it ceases to be profitable, she'll have a strong portfolio of work and transferable skills. My biggest concern, as has been said, is the potential crossover into your personal life when you are the product. But even that can be handled if you're savvy.... and remember we had decades of shitty reality TV saturation, so that's not new either. At least here the people themselves are curating the content they're in, not exploitative producers. There's also the issue of presenting fiction as fact but that's not new either.

It kind of smacks of jealousy and misogyny on his part. How dare a young woman be successful from anything other than the traditional routes! Traditional routes often still have a glass ceiling for women and so I think it's fab these young ladies are finding their own innovative way through.

FWIW I work in marketing and even in traditional industries, video media syndicated through social media is becoming one of the main forms of advertising. We've filmed accountants and developers talking about various topics and put these on YouTube and LinkedIn. You say you're a physio - well many physios are also using social media to promote their businesses.

Serious question as I have often wondered - What are influencers and media creators going to do in their middle and old age when the rest of the world has moved on?

Travel influencer is basically the modern equivalent of Judith Chalmers or Anthea Turner on Wish You Were Here.

Perhaps he might understand that as context

He’s 26. He’s probably well aware of the potential issues from that sort of job and it’s clearly not an issue for him. His father’s input is unlikely to do anything other than cause an argument. Also I don’t necessarily think that it’s a bad job. If she invests and has an exit plan for if things start dipping then she’ll be fine and can always get a ‘normal’ job afterwards.

Get hired by corporate firms to bring their many transferable skills and digital media savvy in-house.

Times change, jobs change.

Sometimes to we (over 50s?) new jobs seem precarious, insecure and vacuous.

But some make a living from them - as do those supporting them. My DD's former partner gets work producing promotional videos, photo shoots etc for various influencers. The money's good - but there can be a sense that you are this week's flavour.

Looking back on our entry into the world of work how many, then, decent jobs have disappeared. Jobs that, then, looked secure.

A friend of mine left school at 16 and became a tracer. Tracing maps out for the local authority. That job's long gone - but it was a good one at the time.

What happened to bank tellers? Typists in a pool?

To be successful she's got some get up and go which is to be applauded.

I am an old 'Boomer' but I think you need to regard influencers as part of Show Business. They entertain, sometimes some of them look a bit daft but as long as they are fairly normal when 'off stage' they are fine.
You could have a quiet afternoon together watching her collected works, that might give you all some context.

Yes he might, the difference I guess is she is the content creator, she is the producer, she does it end to end.

content creation is notoriously difficult. So to be able to make money from it, as well as be the presenter, takes skill.

they don’t just randomly video themselves, it takes a lot of planning, right through to editing the final product before uploading.

i do hope this thread has given the op pause for thought, and her and her husband can have a talk about their poor behaviour and get themselves sorted before they meet this woman, otherwise they will embarrass both themselves, their son and her.

They move into jobs which use their skills in a different way. Lots of people do jobs which work well when you’re young but are less compatible when you’re older with more commitments.
It’s incredibly rare to have a job for life these days. Most people have multiple careers and being agile is a desirable quality.

My BIL works in pharmaceuticals and he’s a dickhead too. Constantly denigrating his 16 year old because she doesn’t want to do science. Otoh she’s 16, is brilliant at the social sciences, crochets her own clothes, speaks a bit of Korean, and taught herself fluent English (better than his even though he works in English).

I think he’s jealous.

I have had a very traditional professional career. PhD, prestigious employer, and then I got cancer and poof! Made redundant and I probably will never work in the field where I have 20 years experience again. Once you’re out, you’re out. Even very traditional career paths are precarious.

Dh is not an influencer. He has an actual business that sells an actual product, but he does a lot of social media marketing and works with content creators. He averages about £70k a month in turnover. Much more secure than my very old school profession and the only reason we’re still able to pay our mortgage.

I don't see football as a career either. But it never stops countless men dragging sons off to play football. Grown men kicking a ball around a pitch for hours.

Agree, absolutely none of your business and you and your ‘opinionated DH’ sound dreadful

Your husband sounds like a right bore, probably with know-it-all whilst knowing nothing tendencies. Tell him to keep his mouth shut.

It’s relevant because it makes your position more obvious. Reading between the lines you expect your son & his gf to have more traditional employment. But I’d challenge this position. If she can make as much (more?) money doing something she loves, why would that be something you’re uncomfortable with. I’ve worked with people whose partners are influencers and the life they’re able to achieve from the opportunities it creates are amazing.
Presumably you & your DH became employed in your respective fields because that was a personal interest. This isn’t really much different - I’d argue you maybe have more in common than you realise.

If her same travel shows were on the BBC and calked Wish You Were Here, would you both be so judgey?

You’re both way out of date, a modern day pair of luddites.