DS dating a “influencer”, to think we just need to bite our tongues

[Thatsnotmyjobtoday]

DS is 26, normal job, normal life, very happy. He is currently in the early stages of a new relationship and his girlfriends job is social media, YouTube mostly but also TikTok etc. she seems to earn well from it and does mostly travel/experience content.
Personally I don’t really rate social media creators as a career but I understand some do very well from it, she seems like an intelligent girl, has a degree etc.
DH has much stronger views and thinks it’s idiotic and suggests a low IQ. He is adamant we need to ward DS off the girl. I think that would be futile, in my experience expressing discontent with an adult DCs decisions tends to only lead to them going further in on it.
I do have concerns they he might get tempted into the social media world or that her travel heavy lifestyle will make maintaining the relationship difficult, but I also think that is not our problem and DS will just have to navigate it if it comes up.
DH on the other hand is under the opinion that him being an adult doesn’t mean we aren’t his parents and a word of caution/advice is our duty in this situation.

Im worried DH is going to say something over Christmas (they aren’t spending it together but DS is coming home) and it’s going to result in an argument. Right now I’d say DS is in the smitten and doting phase so even if we did offer our opinions (which I don’t think we should) I doubt he’d listen as obviously she’s the best thing since sliced bread right now. I also worry we might not actually be qualified to comment as we aren’t part of the social media generation so have limited understanding on how it actually works.

AIBU to say we just need to bite our tongues, not rock the boat and see where it goes?

It’s not like she’s dealing crack out her nans fiat panda is it?

Unclench!

"Most people would love that chance!"

Not necessarily, if it means selling your privacy. No amount of money or freebies or amazing travel opportunities would persuade me to put myself in the public eye. Clearly with the amount of influencers and wannabe influencers, there are plenty of people who are happy to be on camera, but I'm not one of them and I won't be alone in that way of thinking.

I think to do this sort of job you need to have a lot of initiative and I’d be thrilled if a DC was dating someonen who had forged a successful career in this area - there is a lot of competition but equally the whole area must still be rife with opportunity if you know what you’re doing. DH needs to keep quiet. She sounds lovely and I wonder if it’s someone I follow who does hotel visits?!

it certainly can be - for now. I guess the op’s concerns are more about the longevity of it; remember, us oldies have seen trends come and go, and there does seem to be an overall weariness towards the whole concept of influencing nowadays, which could indicate that it won’t be a thing in 20 or 30 years’ time. That said, how many jobs these days will still exist then?!
I think the days of a job for life are long gone anyway. She could have gone into IT 10 years ago, and now be staring AI/Offshoring career elimination in the face, and she would have spent the best years of her life stuck in front of a computer screen inputting data ( I don't work in IT and know nothing about it, so have no idea if that's actually what they do!) whereas she may have to look into another career having made a shit ton of money, travelled all over the world. Hopefully if you keep quiet she'll take your DS you on a free holiday!

The small minority of influencers who make a good living from it probably mostly have quite high IQs. It's media content - most of it's crap, some of it's good, just like any other medium. Would DH assume she was thick if she wrote and presented a popular TV or radio show?

He's 26 - he's not looking for relationship advice from his parents (were you, at that age?). DH's opinion of her isn't going to alter his. Zip it, and persuade DH to do the same if at all possible.

I only got a few lines in before I realised what an ignorant waste of space your husband is. Some influencers I know earn in excess of a million a year and manage their own marketing, strategy, emails and accounts. You and your Dh just sound bitter. Let me guess he has a 9 to 5 and sits behind a desk? He sounds like the low IQ loser to me

I agree with you, and I’m on the same circuit.

I’d never share personal, intimate, or financial details publicly. Once you do, people start feeling entitled, almost like they own a part of your life. On Mumsnet, for example, some folks seem to think they have a claim over your money or possessions once you reveal what you have. It’s just too risky.

She's a travel vlogger. Why would she be posting him, their wedding or their kids?

I'm subscribed to lots of people on Youtube, I have zero idea if they're married, single or in a relationship, whether they have kids or not, where they live, their history etc. There seems to be a misconception that people on youtube have zero privacy and document every second of their life for all to see.

A woman I watch has just said that she'll be posting videos less frequently for the next few months because her baby is due in January. Due to the nature of her videos, I had zero idea she was even pregnant.

Your husband sounds like a snobby twat.

Is it really necessary to be callous and aggressive?

This is a spectacular amount of projection for “a few lines in”.

You’ve gone from a short post to diagnosing IQ, inventing someone’s job, lifestyle, earnings, personality and moral worth — all while calling other people ignorant. That’s quite the feat.

No one said influencers can’t earn money. No one said managing your own work makes you unintelligent. The disagreement was about values and preferences, not whether strangers on the internet clear seven figures.

Also, the obsession with “9 to 5 behind a desk” as some sort of intellectual slur is odd. Many surgeons, engineers, lawyers, academics and researchers work desk-based jobs. If that’s your benchmark for “low IQ loser”, you might want to recalibrate.

You’re entitled to defend influencing as a career. You’re not entitled to invent people and insult them personally because they don’t worship it.

If you want a discussion, discuss. If you want to flex about imaginary millionaires you “know”, that’s fine too — but it doesn’t make the rest of us bitter, and it certainly doesn’t make personal abuse look clever.

Of course you're not. Most people aren't influencers nor trying to be.

Had your DH always been a judgemental snob?
Definitely do not say anything. It may damage your relationship with your son. If my parents said my partner has a low IQ because of the job they were doing I'd lose respect for my parents and think a lot less of them.

Your son’s GF basically works in a modern form of marketing and sales - an industry which has been around for decades. Whilst you and your DH may not agree with it - it’s wrong to call her idiotic or suggest that she is unintelligent- that’s just insulting. She’s obviously good at what she does if she is getting paid for it as well as enjoying a good lifestyle. So what if it’s precarious- there’s hardly any jobs which are jobs for life now or careers with pay progression like there was in your days - let her enjoy her career and if she had to switch to something else in the future then she will have so many transferable skills, experience and contacts to be able to do so.

This can't be real.
What business is it of yours what his gf does.
Do you really want to spoil the relationship with you son.
Talk about looking for trouble.

Jesus Christ you both sound so judgemental and to be honest, old!
So many jobs now are digitally based and I wonder whether it’s actually because you don’t really understand how the world works in some sectors. Would you approve if he dated someone in Advertising??? It’s exactly the same thing.

Yes thanks for telling me what I already know - I was quoting someone who said “most people would love that chance” and refuting the assertion.

So your DH thinks he has a right to interfere in his adults son's relationship and make negative judgements about something he, highly likely, knows absolutely nothing about.

He sounds ridiculous. And saying her career choice, because he doesn't like it, is indicative of a low IQ makes him sound like Trump: that's the way he insults women he want's to be nasty about.

I'm in my 70s so don't know anything about how influencing works but if this woman has managed to carve out a successful career for herself in such a field then I say, well done her.

So what if it isn't something that she can sustain for decades. She's doing it now and making money at it and probably loving what she's doing.

She clearly has plenty of get up and go and there are, no doubt, other things she can do later on in life. The days when people started work at 16 and had a job for life are long gone.

Your DH sounds bitter and judgemental.

And I was agreeing with you. Keep your hair on. Just as well you don't plan to be an influencer with that approach to interaction.

I wonder if people would be so judgemental or "concerned" if influencers shared the exact same amount of "personal life details" in traditional media such as TV or magazine interviews? It's hardly new.

If anything, modern influencers have more control over their image and information compared to female celebrities a few decades ago whose agents pressured them to sell their wedding photos to the tabloids and share details of their pregnancies on talk shows.

They tend to have more control over their earnings too.

Its not exactly the same thing. Not everyone who works in advertising is infront of the camera.

Bit of a strong reaction 😂 I think they were just agreeing with you and joining you in refuting what the other poster said.

I guess we all have different values in life.
And thats OK.
I'm just not stooping.

She will probably earn more than you, your husband and son ever have. Why would she get a stressful job just to prove a point?

Wait, creating Internet content is low down, amoral and one must be superficial, abandon all principles, have no values and stoop low to do it?

I was born for this. Here I go!

Do you think OP’s husband has poor values for working in pharmaceuticals, when pharma companies pay billions of pounds to market and advertise drugs people desperately need at hugely inflated prices in order to profit financially beyond what many of us would think is morally justifiable?