DS dating a “influencer”, to think we just need to bite our tongues

[Thatsnotmyjobtoday]

DS is 26, normal job, normal life, very happy. He is currently in the early stages of a new relationship and his girlfriends job is social media, YouTube mostly but also TikTok etc. she seems to earn well from it and does mostly travel/experience content.
Personally I don’t really rate social media creators as a career but I understand some do very well from it, she seems like an intelligent girl, has a degree etc.
DH has much stronger views and thinks it’s idiotic and suggests a low IQ. He is adamant we need to ward DS off the girl. I think that would be futile, in my experience expressing discontent with an adult DCs decisions tends to only lead to them going further in on it.
I do have concerns they he might get tempted into the social media world or that her travel heavy lifestyle will make maintaining the relationship difficult, but I also think that is not our problem and DS will just have to navigate it if it comes up.
DH on the other hand is under the opinion that him being an adult doesn’t mean we aren’t his parents and a word of caution/advice is our duty in this situation.

Im worried DH is going to say something over Christmas (they aren’t spending it together but DS is coming home) and it’s going to result in an argument. Right now I’d say DS is in the smitten and doting phase so even if we did offer our opinions (which I don’t think we should) I doubt he’d listen as obviously she’s the best thing since sliced bread right now. I also worry we might not actually be qualified to comment as we aren’t part of the social media generation so have limited understanding on how it actually works.

AIBU to say we just need to bite our tongues, not rock the boat and see where it goes?

I’d respect anyone and derm them intelligent as being a content creator at a profitable level requires business skills and time dedication similar to starting your own business. With a business degree or communications degree and experience of influencing this could easily be turned into a traditional “corporate” role if her fame dwindles. And this comes from someone with a marketing background who hates working in marketing. Maybe I’d see someone as shallow, but definitely not lacking in skills or work ethic. It’s not more unstable than other jobs right now. Now the concerns about travelling and maintaining a relationship I find valid, but I’m sure your son is or will soon become aware of this. I remember my parents raising some concern about a boyfriend at that age and I’d just say, they were right, it didn’t really help me at the time but also didn’t ruin my relationship with them either. When I dated my now husband there were also comments about the safety of online dating and it was hard to take seriously. Yes, dad, I know people online aren’t always ego they appear to be, not news to anyone. In hindsight I just know they cared enough to comment and I respect them for it. But it didn’t really make a difference at the time.

What do you mean poor character?

My partner and I both have ended up being sort of micro influencers I guess. We also have full time jobs and a mortgage and kids, and any ‘freebies’ we get are actually paid for in our time - often substantially more time than the item is worth.

We enjoy it though, it’s creatively good fun. And there’s nothing about our lives in it.

Now tell me again what’s wrong with my character?

And what is the universally horribly "ick lifestyle" that apparently every single content creator ever, whether they're promoting clothes or running a travel vlog is supposedly living, being all such horribly "superficial" people, unlike those accusing them so sweepingly?

The "idiotic" and "low IQ" comments are telling. Is he snobby in general? Does his son have to date someone with a middle class degree related job, or would someone who worked in hospitality/ retail / beauty / trade be OK? Snobbyness is a really unattractive trait. Worrying about limited career options and struggling on a low income would be one thing, but it's not that is it if he's making comments about her IQ. He's just being a snobby dick.

She's turned an interest into a career and is getting a rich life out of it by the sounds. Good for her. Most people would love that chance! If it folds for any reason I'm sure with an education and what sounds like strength of character and resourcefulness she will be OK.

It's like any other job in the public eye.
Lots of actors/singers/models who were big deals 10, 20 years ago are barely heard of now. A few have longevity and have still got a steady career just without the same level of intense fame, and a very small amount have stayed A list.

No reason why it wouldn't be the same with influencers. Those who can adapt their content/niche as times change and whose audience will either grow up with them or who will attract new audiences might be fine. Others might use their skills to jump to a tangentially related different job, and some might quit and do something completely different altogether. The advantage OP's DS' GF has is she probably has a lot more money than the average 26 year old at the start of their career. Lots of people her age might still be starting out or job-hopping.

Even if it didn't work out for her long term (and who is to say it won't), it's not like she's miles behind her peers. It's very normal for people to not find their career until their 30s, or to retrain into a completely different role at any point in life.

I’ve made money online from blogging for 15 years but never social media. So my view might be somewhat biased.

Tell your DH to go self employed and try planning, filming, editing and marketing his own content. Then dig through analytics, adapt his plan, do his own bookkeeping and accounting, liaise with brands, do his own PR talking to journalists and podcasters (no idea if she does, but I have this week).

“Idiotic and suggests low IQ.”

Misogynistic prick. What about brave for not caring what others think? Charismatic and engaging because people are interested on her take of an already oversaturated market. What about go-getting and committed, as the only way to make money on these platforms is to show up regularly and stick to a schedule. What about canny, for spotting trends and pivoting when something isn’t working?

I’d love to know what job your DH does.

Also, who cares about long term career goals - #1 she’s shown she has plenty of marketable skills. Loads of companies will hire in marketing/PR roles - especially if they need somebody “young” who understand social media. Which she clearly does. And #2, whose job is really that secure anyway? Anybody could be laid off at any time?

Your claim that the kind of content you hate is “unavoidable” doesn’t make sense though.

Platforms don’t push content at random, they respond to what we watch, click, linger on, and comment about (including negatively). If it keeps showing up, that’s not because it’s “in everyone’s face,” it’s because the algorithm has learned there’s engagement there so it’s showing you similar things.

Not engaging is genuinely the best opt-out,
either muting, blocking, scrolling past. Continually seeing it (to the point you say it’s unavoidable) while insisting you’ve chosen not to interact isn’t possible, that’s not how the algorithm works.

Dismissing it as “crap” while claiming total detachment doesn’t make sense when the only reason it’s still on your screen is repeated exposure you’ve helped train…

I suspect the poster who suggested that he doesn't like "little girls making big money" out of what he likes to put down as "little girl things" has hit the nail on the head.

If the son had introduced his partner as “Sonia works in travel. She’s been doing it for a while now since graduating. She does all sorts like marketing, sales, advertising. As part of her job, she gets to travel for free, it’s great and she loves what she does” - I assume the reaction would have been more positive. If Sonia is working for someone (usually a man) then that would be great but because she’s ambitious and has gone self employed, she’s to be ridiculed and told to get back in her box.

The word influencer has negative connotations for some people and can, as seen on this thread and from the husband’s opinions, bring out nasty, misogynistic attitudes. No one likes to see a woman thinking outside of the box, doing something outside of the standard 9-5.

OP if I knew your DH I’d tell him it’s fascinating that someone in a science-related field dismisses communication as unintelligent, despite the fact that the pharma industry spends literally billions paying others to do it well.

Especially when they are perfectly comfortable using branding, influence and messaging to justify massively inflated drug prices to people who need healthcare.

I agree.

I bet if his son was dating a make up artist who had a social media presence he would think they were beneath him, but if they did special effects make up for BBC shows he wouldn’t be put off.

He’s clearly a snob and he sounds a bit thick, to be honest!

Why is it then her “worry”?

It's a new world. This is a career if you do it right.

I love a youtube vlog. One is a frien of a friend and she is 48 to my 52 and she makes around £36k a year. One is the wife of a cousin and she is 42 to my 52 and she is in the US and makes about $80,000 a month. Both just doing home content videos. Genuinely can't see why that is somehow less worthy than my humble little life working part time in a local rural business and topping up a bit as an accidental landlord renting out my flat. Sure as shti i earn less.

I just read the article and it looks like the hotel published the email but removed all personal details, so didn't name and shame, but the vlogger herself said it was her, and the hotel said it then had a flood of negative reviews from other vloggers staying there, which the hotel said had been in retaliation. So the whole thing got out of control to the point of becoming a dangerous situation pretty quickly and businesses ruined on both sides.

@Thatsnotmyjobtoday i think your dh is wrong to bring iq into this, iq is not at all relevant to this and is in itself not very accurate irt assessing abilities anyway, but he is right that you are family and you care about your son and to want to be involved in his life. I would say it is not okay to give unasked for advice such as that beginning "we have concerns.." but it is okay to start a lot of conversations about the vlogging world, ethics, pitfalls, risk, sales and marketing vs other professional roles, to explore all the different points of views and opinions and I think you should be able to speak freely in general terms while avoiding personal comments about the gf?

This is very true, Pharma is one of the worst culprits!

I think it’s a very old fashioned view. I was thinking about it if my kids were leaning that way I’d be quite encouraging- masters of their own destiny, running their own businesses. AI is going to replace many traditional jobs but creativity is going to be so important for anyone to cut through in future.

So she manages to earn good money from
traveling and documenting in it videos? I’d say she’s winning at life. Maybe it won’t last forever but no career is guaranteed especially with AI etc. must be a lovely way to make a living. I honestly can’t see why it’s being looked down on.

Your son is coming for Christmas without her. Can you use the opportunity to get to understand their relationship and her job better? Ask him questions but from a place of trying to understand it better, not to criticise more.
What are the upsides and downsides for him?
Does he wish anything were different?
Does it work for him?
What was the most unexpected/exciting thing for him so far?
Do you want to learn something more about a new subject? - does he have any recommendations of someone you could watch to learn about a subject of your choice? Etc. etc.

Parental opposition to the relationship is very likely to strengthen the bond between them.

Your DS is 26! A full blown adult. It’s nobody else’s business who he goes out with, or what that person does for a living. Your DH should zip it.

Whilst I despise the world of influencing and the overconsumption it promotes and the insecurities it feeds, I agree with everything you've said. Especially about him being in the smitten phase, so any well-meaning advice will fall on deaf ears at best and create arguments and tension at worst.

If the relationship is still going strong in year or two and it looks like things might be getting serious, you can always just ask the questions about whether he wants his home life, possibly a proposal and wedding documented all over social media for thousands of strangers (and those he knows such as work colleagues and old classmates) to gawp at and have an opinion on.

I would be particularly concerned about the right to privacy of any potential children, who have no way of consenting to their image, name etc being shared with thousands. But these are all questions to raise with him down the road, not for now.

She sounds dynamic, proactive, creative, shrewd and adaptable to an everchanging world.

Hats off to her.

A distant acquaintance of mine had an online 'influencer' role at a young age - the kind of content that some people might find vapid or silly. Although she was an adult at the time, her family were very negative about it. When she bought her enormous house in her twenties, they presumably learned to keep their mouths shut. I often think about her and wonder if she ever lets them visit.

It really depends on the kind of influencer she is. You should know what she sells, promotes, and who sponsors her. If she’s involved with products or brands you don’t like, it’s fair to feel that way. But in the end, it’s more about the kind of person she is—if she’s not a good person, that’s the bigger problem.

I know a few vloggers who make a great living, with company sponsorships paying them to promote products publicly. YouTube and other platforms can also be quite lucrative, depending on subscriber count and the level of interaction and engagement. It’s time to move past the 1995 mindset and embrace 2026, where digital careers thrive when smart choices are made—though this holds true for any profession, not just digital ones.

The need to put your face on camera or create content is not something everyone desires or understands, however attractive it makes you to future employers