DS dating a “influencer”, to think we just need to bite our tongues

[Thatsnotmyjobtoday]

DS is 26, normal job, normal life, very happy. He is currently in the early stages of a new relationship and his girlfriends job is social media, YouTube mostly but also TikTok etc. she seems to earn well from it and does mostly travel/experience content.
Personally I don’t really rate social media creators as a career but I understand some do very well from it, she seems like an intelligent girl, has a degree etc.
DH has much stronger views and thinks it’s idiotic and suggests a low IQ. He is adamant we need to ward DS off the girl. I think that would be futile, in my experience expressing discontent with an adult DCs decisions tends to only lead to them going further in on it.
I do have concerns they he might get tempted into the social media world or that her travel heavy lifestyle will make maintaining the relationship difficult, but I also think that is not our problem and DS will just have to navigate it if it comes up.
DH on the other hand is under the opinion that him being an adult doesn’t mean we aren’t his parents and a word of caution/advice is our duty in this situation.

Im worried DH is going to say something over Christmas (they aren’t spending it together but DS is coming home) and it’s going to result in an argument. Right now I’d say DS is in the smitten and doting phase so even if we did offer our opinions (which I don’t think we should) I doubt he’d listen as obviously she’s the best thing since sliced bread right now. I also worry we might not actually be qualified to comment as we aren’t part of the social media generation so have limited understanding on how it actually works.

AIBU to say we just need to bite our tongues, not rock the boat and see where it goes?

There are plenty of vapid influenencers who make crap content and make tonnes from it

But I also don't class Vloggers and YTers as all being "influenecers" some of them have been doing this for 10+ years now. Longer careers than plenty of others

You can't judge her off her job anyway. Judge her as a person. Plenty of people are nice, kind people but do jobs they get judged on

She sounds a bit like my niece (it’s def not her though as she’s been going out w a lovely guy for years).
She’s def not thick, she could’ve done better at school but her partying phase coincided w GCSE years. She’s doing really well as an influencer now after struggling for a bit (she also has a p:t job which she’s done for a long time).

This is compared to my DD of a similar age who could be (academically speaking) flying in a career now, but made (imho) some wrong choices and is not reaching her potential.

Your husband thinks it points towards a low IQ? If this girl is doing well from it and making a living, it sounds like your husband is the one who is a bit dim!

It's a new relationship - express nothing more than mild interest about how exciting that must be, and whether she has a favourite place she goes to.

Have you looked at her content? There's a huge range from reviews/advertorials of e.g. hotels, tours, to opening up your entirely lifestyle. It's not a given that she's putting large amounts of herself in public (and even if she seems to be, it may be very curated). It's also a lot of work and skill to make an edit the amount and quality of video you need to be successful at this.

It may be that eventually her and your DS need to have conversations about how much he wants to be involved or not in her social media presence. But lots of people have travel-heavy jobs, and there are lots of couple where one member is more "public" than the other. People make it work.

I'm really curious, as this is alien to me: do you think influencing can be a proper career in the sense that there's a career path one can advance along, moving into different career stages at different stages of one's life, with steadily increasing income? How does that work?

No. Because it creates a climate for this stuff. We've got loads of young people with mental health issues and unemployed and not training for anything. It's fine if ppl put out content as fun or a sideline. Who am I to say what ppl should watch. But I suspect far too many people who create what is essentially rubbish actually take it seriously and are deluded into thinking they might have a career in the making.. I find that worrying.

Blimey she's young , educated and earning a living, he could do a lot worse.

A lot of young people don’t even watch mainstream tv anymore. I’m not young but I don’t even watch it. I gave up my tv licence and watch Youtube and Netflix.

There are some fantastic channels out there. Look at Chris Broad. Went to Japan as a wet behind the ears 22 year old to teach English. Vlogged about his experience being in Japan knowing no one and not speaking the language - 10 year’s on his channel is huge, he speaks Japanese, he has a production company, he’s a travel ambassador for Japan and his book (Abroad in Japan) was a best seller and had centre stage in my city’s Waterstone’s window! Low IQ eh?

YANBU to leave your son to make his own decision on this , I would understand if she was doing Only fans but travel content seems really lovely and a great way for her to see the world while young.

I don’t really understand your husbands stance. I don’t know if he is just anti-influencer or misogynist but I’ve noticed a lot of middle aged/older men get inexplicablly angry at young women who make a living from social media. Especially if they are attractive and travel solo. There’s one I follow on Instagram who also has quite political and educational travel related content and she really gets the men angry 😆 she is not single but travels solo and that seems to wind a lot of them up.
Not saying your husband is one of these but you see them often leaving hateful angry comments under female travel influencer posts! It’s quite strange. Rarely if ever see them trolling young male influencers in the same way.

She has a degree so I feel that shows some discipline and a reasonable level of academic intelligence.

And even if doesn’t last for whatever reasons, with the skills gained from being an influencer as well as her degree, she could easily get a job doing something like marketing or social media for a company surely!

Some people do earn a decent living from 'influencing'. I follow a few travel vloggers and food ones on YouTube. It's not just taking the content, it's all the editing, that takes time, and you have to continually produce content to post. No content, then subscribers disappear! However, your husband needs to keep out of your son's relationship. He's 26, is at the lovey-dovey stage of the relationship, and isn't going to take any notice. Your husband will more than likely be accused of being 'old and not understanding'!! Your son will need to navigate a relationship where his girlfriend travels, and therefore may not be around some of the time. Keep neutral, and keep opinions to yourselves. Your son is more likely to come to you if he encounters an issue, if he feels he's supported, rather than being made to feel that you both think he's an idiot! It may fizzle out, it may not. It's better to keep quiet and see what happens.

"DH has much stronger views and thinks it’s idiotic and suggests a low IQ. He is adamant we need to ward DS off the girl"

It's 2025 for heavens sake!! Its your DH who is being utterly ignorant, judgemental and idiotic. He doesn't even know if this job is just a stepping stone to another.

She's essentially a travel reporter, just using social media instead of print or TV. Its quite challenging to keep up with the latest trends in this fast changing industry. Most companies use social media to market themselves. That makes her highly employable across a wide range of companies. She has had the IQ to gain skills in a growing market.

Your DH is stuck in the past and needs to wake up. Also. Who is he to dictate your son's relationships? It sounds as if he barely knows this girl yet has made his mind up against her. He is simply not qualified to judge and needs to treat your son as an adult and his girlfriend the courtesy of trying to get to know her better.

You could have the same concerns about privacy if she were an actor or politician.

Whether or not you understand it, this is how products and services are now sold.

I also worry we might not actually be qualified to comment as we aren’t part of the social media generation so have limited understanding on how it actually works.

I assume that you must be under 70 to have a 26 year old son. Plenty of people your age have a grasp of how this works.

What do you think will happen? If it turns out that she can't make enough money, she will need to do something else, but that is the same for any industry.

I love Half-Asleep Chris. A lovely role model for boys.

Of course it can if the person in question treats it as a career.

Early on they will do everything themselves - filming, editing, writing, speaking to brands etc. They are learning content creation but also marketing, negotiation and analytics (you need to get familiar with these to engage and retain brand deals) too.

Mid career once an audience and a reputation are established they can build relationships and income from brand partnerships, ads, affiliate links, working with independent businesses / established brands / tourism boards etc, speaking opportunities and as profitability grows choose to outsource some editing and other time consuming elements to other pros so they can focus on the bits they do want to do.

Long term they might choose to travel less and pivot to consultancy for travel brands (increasingly brands are paying content creators not just to make content but to offer their expertise on what content resonates in their niche), licensing content, creating merch, launching curated travel experiences and meet ups for followers…

Or long term they might decide that being the face of content isn’t what they want or isn’t compatible with their lifestyle (if they don’t want to juggle that with kids for example) and move into editing and production of content. Would you say being a TV editor wasn’t a career? Of course not.

Theres just as much earning and career laddering potential for a content creator (one who is making a living from it already in this case) with an entrepreneurial spirit as there is for a physio or someone who works in pharma (using OP and her husband’s jobs as examples). Arguably more, in fact.

Yes it can, though often you would need to be good at something in real life then expand it online.

I follow some classical musicians, they were not paid much for real life concerts but have already made millions as influencers (they're in their 20s - early 30s). Some of them are now doing worldwide tours and it was made possibly only because they have a huge follower base. The main income is still online though, not even the tours.

It's a very good influence too, they tell young musicians to practise every day 😂

Career paths don’t have to be ‘I started in the mailroom and now I’m the CEO’. There’s a lot of potential and opportunities if you are successful. You have to put the effort in as people don’t want to just see your output once every six months, your channel won’t grow that way. It takes hard work, commitment and creativity. All skills and experiences that can set you up financially very well (if you’re sensible). Joe Suggs hasn’t done badly from it has he!

Old enough to remember them ? What has age got to do with opinions ? Are you suggesting an opinion is invalid if a person is a certain age. That's really discriminatory.

She's self employed in modern marketing!

If she's making money then she ain't low IQ and I haven't even met her!

Your DH sounds awfully judgemental I think this post should be about him not the new gf

But I suspect far too many people who create what is essentially rubbish actually take it seriously and are deluded into thinking they might have a career in the making

I think they learn pretty quickly whether they can make money.

It's not like going show business and being convinced that a big break is just around the corner.

Imagine how your son will feel at Christmas when he is confronted by his dads views.

Your dh needs to take a look at how he communicates and when.

Really unpleasant and also outdated but the most horrible experience for your son.

No but older people tend to be more set in their ways (I’m in my 60s so not a youngster myself). I refuse to be a luddite or incurious because that is too aging. So how old are you ish?

I mentioned age in case you had no idea who they were 🙄

I find it worrying that so many of you still seem to think that "jobs for life" in the way you or even I knew them are going to be a thing for most people in future. Or that you can't understand more creative or entrepeneurial ways of making money and why someone with those skills is going to be MORE likely to land on their feet in future that someone who expects a job to be handed to them or for it to be for life, to have traditional progress and so on. I'm sorry to tell you, but in many areas, that really isn't how the job market is going to be in future.

Sure, online vlogging and other entrepreneurial pursuits are not for everyone, but those who think it is will soon find out if what they're doing is enough to sustain for more than a hobby - not sure why it would be anyone else's business if it doesn't. And it doesn't sound like this applies to the young woman we're discussing in any case. I don't think she's "creating mental health problems" for all of society by being savvy.

I think that like many of us, you're uncomfortable with how the world is changing, changing fast, and that, as we all had to, young people are going to have to adapt to what it brings. The internet isn't going to go away. Neither is AI. Yes, it brings a lot of problems with it. But I'd say those massive technological changes are to be addressed and worked with and adapted to as others had to be, we can't just close our ears and pretend they're not there or cling on to some idea of "the good old days"when that's just not going to work anymore. It's VERY peculiar to start fingerpointing at young people who ARE showing they can demonstrate the skills necessary and blaming them for all of society's ills!

The idea that all one needs to do is start on a particular career path to have a steadily increasing income has taken a hit in recent years.

Social media influencing is just another form of advertising. A career in advertising can be very lucrative. If your DS was dating someone who worked “in advertising” would this be a problem?