DS dating a “influencer”, to think we just need to bite our tongues

[Thatsnotmyjobtoday]

DS is 26, normal job, normal life, very happy. He is currently in the early stages of a new relationship and his girlfriends job is social media, YouTube mostly but also TikTok etc. she seems to earn well from it and does mostly travel/experience content.
Personally I don’t really rate social media creators as a career but I understand some do very well from it, she seems like an intelligent girl, has a degree etc.
DH has much stronger views and thinks it’s idiotic and suggests a low IQ. He is adamant we need to ward DS off the girl. I think that would be futile, in my experience expressing discontent with an adult DCs decisions tends to only lead to them going further in on it.
I do have concerns they he might get tempted into the social media world or that her travel heavy lifestyle will make maintaining the relationship difficult, but I also think that is not our problem and DS will just have to navigate it if it comes up.
DH on the other hand is under the opinion that him being an adult doesn’t mean we aren’t his parents and a word of caution/advice is our duty in this situation.

Im worried DH is going to say something over Christmas (they aren’t spending it together but DS is coming home) and it’s going to result in an argument. Right now I’d say DS is in the smitten and doting phase so even if we did offer our opinions (which I don’t think we should) I doubt he’d listen as obviously she’s the best thing since sliced bread right now. I also worry we might not actually be qualified to comment as we aren’t part of the social media generation so have limited understanding on how it actually works.

AIBU to say we just need to bite our tongues, not rock the boat and see where it goes?

Lots are already doing it, Editing, thumbnail design, scripting etc for other creators or companies, or hired in other creative spheres doing similar things or marketing etc or during their time as a content creator use earnings to create other income streams

If that’s all she does, she isn’t an ‘influencer’. She’s a model.

If she was a full-time, successful influencer, she would be working with brands, creating and planning new types of content, using marketing/comms/tech skills to grow her following, studying the analytics on her posts to evaluate and report on their success, proactively pitching and presenting to brands… the list goes on. That’s where the longevity lies.

But this isn't "getting paid for lounging over cars with her tits out" is it? Is that what you think all content creators and "influencers" are? When it's clearly not that? Why is this remotely relevant to what the OP's son's gf does?

My god, the ignorance and snobbishness is something else. Also the lack of awareness about how the world of work has changed and is set to change in the future. This isn't the 1980s anymore. You do understand that "longevity" in the world of work isn't going to be what it was in the past, yes? It is going to be in flexibility and adaptability. If this young woman has been entrepreneurial enough in her mid 20s to be able to make a reasonably good living from content creation, then it sounds like she's got many of the skills that'll be required in future in spades.

Do you think most 50 year olds are doing the exact same job they were in their early 20's?

Your husband's a prejudiced dinosaur.

Woman with degree + does a job he does not understand = low IQ???? 🙄

Twit.

Tell him to button it and try to learn something about the 21st century.

by saying not a choice of career, I meant more at face value being it’s not something I’d think was a particularly good idea for my own DC so I wasn’t very clear.

It sounds like it is working very well for the girlfriend though - life is too short to be miserable and no job is for life either. The DS is plenty old enough to make his own decisions. Parents definitely need to stay out of it.

There’s a huge difference between that and content creator who is (for example) researching, filming, editing and making a living from doing those things well enough to gain enough views or brand deals that it’s viable.

What’s the difference between someone who does that and someone who is a freelance travel journalist?

The longevity is impressive for someone who researches, films and edits to a level that is making them a living. They aren’t only able to do those things for themselves, surely you understand that?

They can then go into an agency or in house role in a relevant field with a portfolio of work and proven history of creating profitable content. That’s gold dust and worth far more to employers than people who may have learned the principles / basics of the software used to create content (editorial or advertising) but don’t have real world experience of putting it into practice.

I mean, influencers don't really fit into my imaginary peaceful socialist utopia. But is it any worse than being in marketing? Modelling? Hedge funds? I'd just try and get to know her as a person.

Is influencing people to buy more shit they don't need ultimately that fulfilling

I just think you and your husband sound overly invested in this and need to back off. Why on earth are you debating over this and worried about Christmas confrontations? Your son may merely be wanting to get his leg over yet you’re assuming they are to be wed?

just let them date, let them experiment, really doesn’t require parental pressure and involvement

It's SO bizarre. I can only think that some here are stuck in the dark ages and really don't have the faintest clue what's going on in the rest of the world.

The OP's DH sounds arrogant, ignorant and judgemental. His son's girlfriend's choice of career is absolutely none of his business, but she sounds quite a bit smarter and savvier than he is. Pretty high IQ in fact.

There’s a lot of work involved in producing good quality, engaging youtube channels. They are like self produced/edited tv shows.

There’s only one person demonstrating low IQ and it’s not the gf. A lack of curiosity is a factual sign of low iq.

I'd be worried too as my first reaction. But i also think "being worried" in this particular case shows our own biases. Similar to dating an actress a century ago, or a non-white person in 1950s.
I wouldn't say much and would threaten to lock the husband in the cupboard if he opens his mouth.
Get to know the girl better before forming opinion.

Why do you keep calling the woman your adult son is dating a girl?
.."seems like an intelligent girl"
"..ward off the girl"

Your attitude is extremely patronising (bordering on misogynistic) and even if you or your DH don't say anything directly to your ds about the woman in question, it's going to leach out of you.

It's actually none of your business, your son is an adult man, why on earth would you or your overbearing DH think you have the right to try influence (😅) your son's relationship?

fgs he is 26 it’s none of your business.

you don’t have to think it’s a real job or think she’s stupid etc. it doesn’t matter you aren’t the ones dating her.

youtube and travel content are pretty normal forms of content btw.

I watch several content creators on Youtube who are in their 40s, 50s and 60s. Depending on what their videos are about, they could continue on for a long time. Youtube is 20 years old this year and one person I watch has been making videos for 18 years.

An influencer I know of has just bought a second home for holidaying . Private school for children. She could never have achieved this in her past career. She is very clever was a high flyer before mother hood. I might add it's bloody hard work and time consuming but does fit into family life.

The father here is ignorant of how it all works and how lucrative it is.

I wouldn’t want to be in the same room as an “Influencer”, never mind date one. However your Son is 26, he unfortunately can date any consenting adult that he wants.

i think you have to have a certain degree of arrogance to become an influencer, and that is not an attractive personality trait. Your Son’s girlfriend does seem to produce actual content though, it could be a lot worse, she could be one of those pouting and miming along to songs in their bedroom 🙄

I work in a supermarket, it's not exactly fulfilling.

So is that what someone whose niche, we've been told, is travel content is doing?

Doesn't sound that way to me. Would you say the same if she was a travel journalist writing for a magazine or newspaper? Or a TV presenter of a travel show?

I'm 44, with 24 years left until i can retire, I wish i'd 'fucked about' far more in my 20s rather than focusing on a career that I've now been doing for 2 decades and I'm not even halfway there yet.

I hope she enjoys herself, she can always do a 'normal' job at any point in the next 4 decades.

What you should be very clear to your DS is that you do not want to be mentioned or in any way identified in any content created.

i think you have to have a certain degree of arrogance to become an influencer

Why? You can create content on anything from telegraph poles to pet health to playing the tuba. If people are interested, they'll watch. How is that arrogance?

You are entirely right.
Your problem isn't your sons girlfriends occupation, it's having a husband who thinks he has the right to judge potential partners for his son based on his own criteria and hasn't the respect for his son not to try to impose his judgment.
If you have any influence over him at all (which you possibly don't as he appears very full of his own importance and convinced of his right to have his opinions hold sway) then I'd advise you to be very clear that you do not want him to mention this to your son.
If he refuses then all you can do is defend your sons rights to his relationship when it comes up. I agree it has the potential to cause much offence and upset, and I'd be furious with my husband if he did that.

he is 26, I was married and a mum at that age. I know things are different for many young people now but he has been an adult for 8 years now. Say nothing, it is none of your business