Son dumped by gf -update

[OneGreenPoster]

Some posters said I should update with what happened, That thread is now full.
Things have escalated a bit and it looks like he'll have to move a lot sooner.
Not much else to say on the matter.
I didn't think the last thread would get so much interest, thanks for all the advice though

DH and I moved in together after 3 weeks and have been happily married for 30 years, but that doesn’t mean that our love is unconditional; there are boundaries and standards just as there should be in any relationship. That crap about “true love” being rare and true lovers forgiving almost anything - it’s unhealthy, corrosive and a terrible example to set for children.

Yes!!

I'm glad she has asked him to move out sooner as that will be better for both of them.

But to be honest, I think she probably expected that he would do the decent thing and vacate immediately anyway.

This sounds like he has been a really painful lesson for your son. The best thing you can do for him is listen and be there for him but get him to focus on moving on and learning from this experience. It sounds like he could do with doing some reflecting on what respect and consent look like.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

s amazing how they suddenly decide they can't exist without you once their free housing is revoked and they're looking at moving into their old bedroom with a faded Power Rangers quilt cover and three boxes of stuff ready to go up into the loft once the tree's brought down on the bed.

I actually, genuinely lol’d at this piece. There are a lot of witty MNers! 😆😆

I don’t blame her to be honest

I’m baffled by the commenters accusing the GF of immaturity or not having tried hard enough. By the OP’s own admission the GF had initiated this conversation and was dismissed as ‘silly’. What else is she supposed to have done? Why would she herself propose to her partner when the conversation about marriage had been met with that reaction? And why do grown people find it so hard to grasp that you can love someone very much and still end the relationship because it clearly has no future except for one where your own happiness isn’t even a factor? That, for her, this may not have been a sudden off switch but a drawn out and painful process of realisation that’s culminated in this split? That insisting on endless tolerance as a proof of love is unhealthy? This thread is a reminder that women are often damned if they do and damned if they don’t.

I have boys too and if she left him like that, I would be telling him that it's for the best. If she loved him and was mature, they could discuss and reconsider it if the only issue was the timeline.

Asking for a discussion about the future, after THREE YEARS is only considered “applying pressure” by morons.

Also how is one attempt at conversation “applying pressure” but multiple follow-ups are not. A very apt user name indeed.

He dismissed the idea as silly. Why should she put up with that?

She did? They had the talk and he said that timelines are silly. Where's she meant to go with that?

It's fine for him to say the time isn't right for him but it's also fine for her to say she doesn't want to wait but also doesn't want to force him into marriage and end it.

Tbh she didn’t really love him. If she did then I don’t think she could walk away that easily. He’ll be better off in the long run.

Exactly. ‘If you really felt love you’d forgive anything’. It would be refreshing to see more focus on ‘true love’ meaning not pulling shit that requires forgiveness quite so often . . .

How do you know it was easy? She realised she wasn't going to have the life she wanted (marriage and children) with him and took a brave decision.

You can love somebody and still end things with them as you realise you are not on the same page.

I agree. If she loved him and it wasn't just so she can tell people that she's married, she could have given him another chance. People make mistakes and this wasn't a huge one. And I agree that the timelines are silly, some people need more time.

I think so too

I’m glad she didn’t end up like someone I know, whose BF kept saying ‘It’s just a piece of paper!’ for 9 years - before going off with someone else and marrying them less than 12 months later.

I’m a big Archers fan, although it was initially unintentional.

I also listen to Today quite often on the drive to work. Unless I need cheering up, then I choose a podcast.

Well, he's single now, and that's that. Give him your support, don't lecture him (yet) as it is not the time for that just now, and encourage him to distract himself with friends, work, whatever while he gets past being dumped.

She tried to discuss and he shut it down stating discussion of timelines was silly and he would propose when he felt ready so what more could she do?

Nope. Nonsense. She had obviously just reached the end of her rope.

If he'd said yes to getting married, they'd be getting married.

This

The mantra used by shitty men to manipulate gullible women into remaining in poor quality situations.

Yep. She shouldn’t have pressured him but also she should have asked him herself and also instigated more conversations . . .

Madness.

She wanted to get married, or at the least have a timeline and he wasn't interested, and from that you've decided she didn't love him? I wouldn't marry someone who shut me down when wanting to discuss the future, then only decided he'd marry me after I'd left.