Son dumped by gf -update

[OneGreenPoster]

Some posters said I should update with what happened, That thread is now full.
Things have escalated a bit and it looks like he'll have to move a lot sooner.
Not much else to say on the matter.
I didn't think the last thread would get so much interest, thanks for all the advice though

Well then she was right to end it. He needs an indefinite vague amount of time, she needs more concrete answers.

They are incompatible and at that point she did the right thing.

Still can’t shake the feeling that OP is the son

He has said he won't try and contact her now she's blocked him.

His dad said they'll go tomorrow evening to collect his stuff because she's back Thursday Eve ( son wanted to wait until weekend)

Hopefully he will now just accept that it's done for good.

Your husband is quite right, he can go get his stuff and move on and it's better doing that sooner than later.

Hopefully your son can move on quickly.

Waiting until the weekend is based on the hope he will see her and be able to talk to her etc..

Your DH is right

Your son is not clear of this by a distance, otherwise he wouldn't want to wait until the weekend.

Keep an eye he doesn't give her enough rope to hang him with a harassment claim - no contact.

II totally agree with the girlfriend. I would do the same. Why waste precious years on a man who isn’t serious? Three years is more than enough time. Ideally, she should have asked earlier.
I asked my husband from the very beginning about his intentions and expectations for our relationship. Was he looking for fun, a long-term girlfriend with no expiration date, or a wife? I was clear about my own expectations: I wasn’t interested in casual dating or an “eternal boyfriend”—I was looking for a husband. He said he was also looking for a wife, so we agreed to continue and see how things developed.
Nine months later, he proposed, and we’ve now been happily married for 11 years. I strongly recommend that any woman who wants to marry not waste time on a man who, after three years of dating and living together, still gives answers like your son’s.

And here’s the son…..🙄

Dgd has been writing txts to friends basically slagging off her mother saying she has done all these things which she hasn’t , she sees her father every other weekend and of course he can do no wrong. What can her mother do ? No help from ex

Wrong thread???

I’m flabbergasted at the grown women on this thread pushing the “true love conquers all” narrative. WTF?? Are you living in a Disney film? How does anyone with any sort of life experience think that love is all that’s needed to keep two people together?

I think some of you are afflicted with the same internalised misogyny as the OP - thinking that a woman should just put up with any old shit from a man - even at the cost of her own happiness, self -worth and fertility - if she truly luuuurves him. Fucking hell.

OP, I hope your son has learned from this and will do a lot better in his next relationship. And I hope that you see value in yourself outside of your attachment to a man. All the best to you.

Yes, it is painful being dumped even when we have had a hand in the dumping as your son did (by wanting to have his cake and eat it too).

But it's never easy. It's also never easy to see our children in pain, whatever their age. It's all a learning curve, and life is full of these challenges, it's how we rise to meet them once the shock wears off that defines us. I wish him well and am glad he's being sensible.

I disagree. I think she did love him. Why ask for an indication on when they would get married if she didn't. You don't marry someone you're not keen on. IMO, as I noted on the last thread, when he told her a timeline is silly, he basically called her silly for wanting clarity on their relationship. You said she was upset at that response. I believe he broke her heart at that moment and she's had months working through her emotions until she was at a point to call quits on the relationship. She left the relationship months ago, that's why she seems so cool about it now.

I heard an interesting statistic the other day. 11 December is a very popular breakup day. Still two weeks from Christmas and you won't have to spend another Christmas with the person.

she clearly had doubts beforehand

you cant bully someone to take you back

He was the one who didnt want to discuss timeline. Sometimes people need to learn the consequences of their actions and in the long term is better for them. Ops son will learn from the experience.

You sound very bitter, it's not this man, it's op's son and just telling a woman that he doesn't want to follow silly timelines isn't a reason for breakup and blocking. Op's son will do better and the ex will wait much longer for a marriage proposal from whoever she's seeing.

This. I recently ended a relationship for similar reasons. Still love the guy but I finally realised it was going nowhere. I image the GF here feels the same way.

Why is he harassing her then? He's allowed to not want marriage, accept that puts him on a different wavelength to the 'petulant child', and move on in a dignified manner.

Yes I can see why she wouldn’t feel comfortable having her ex who’s harassing her still living in her house. Hopefully he will accept and respect her choices now and leave her alone

That was one of my favourite moments. Jennifer put down the phone and said “I’m related to the Horrobins” dum de dum de dum

Let your husband take over from here as honestly he has his head screwed on right. Definitely best to leave before she comes back and draw a line. He sounds like he is being a brilliant dad to be honest. Supporting his son but also making the point that once it's over it's over. Your son will get over it in time, he is 30.

Honestly reading these threads has been fascinating 🤣

Usually on MN the line is "you can break up with someone for whatever reason you want." It's also commonly said that if someone has had their head turned or their heart's just not into it any more etc then the decent thing to do is leave.

So even if this woman has met someone else, so what? It does not make her a bad person. Still painful for OP's son - absolutely. But jeez, the judgement here is crazy!

Oh, that stat is interesting. I can remember as a young woman breaking up with a boyfriend of a couple of months around that time, as I did not want to have to give or receive a Christmas present, it was so awkward as I didn't like him anymore, certainly not enough to exhange gifts and I just didn't know how else to handle it.

And yes, she asked him about marriage, of course she was serious. If he'd have said yes they would be getting married.

I truly believe that often is the case that men make spur of the moment decisions on dumping partners, leading to quick regret when the dust settles on whatever was annoying them in that moment, but when women walk away it’s often because they’ve already tried to stick it out and grieved the relationship whilst they were still in it.

She’s got the ick. And once you’ve got it, you can’t un-get it. Ever.

She sounds like an immensely sensible woman and she’s probably glad to be shot of the lot of you.

Bollocks to this ‘love conquers all’ narrative - your son couldn’t really be bothered about how she felt until she rightly kicked him to the kerb. At which point he suddenly decided he did care, but only because his comfortable lifestyle was coming to an end, then turned into a pest.