Page 33 | Son dumped by gf -update

OneGreenPoster · 2025-12-16T17:06:45+00:00

Some posters said I should update with what happened, That thread is now full. Things have escalated a bit and it looks like he'll have to move a lot sooner. Not much else to say on the matter. I didn't think the last thread would get so much interest, thanks for all the advice though

IAmKerplunk · 19/12/2025 10:59

At the end of the day the exgf wanted to discuss marriage and the op’s son didn’t. They’re on different pages. Neither right and neither wrong.

What the ds shouldn’t do now is continue to contact his ex as she has made it quite clear she is not open to restarting their relationship. They can both move on and each find someone else who wants the same things and at the same time.

Mothership4two · 19/12/2025 11:01

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 10:55

No we don't. But there's always someone here to pop up with the worst version of what might have happened isn't there

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Just need to go on what the OP said:

my son kept texting and calling her

So a lot then

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/12/2025 11:02

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 10:55

No we don't. But there's always someone here to pop up with the worst version of what might have happened isn't there

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But it was enough for her to block him. That’s all we need to know.

I think it interesting that his mum has tried to paint him in a good light and still the vast majority of us think he’s behaved poorly.

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 11:08

Mothership4two · 19/12/2025 10:50

Just because some people have had worse situations doesn't make the son's better @Roobarbtwo . He's carried on contacting her to the point she's blocked him and withdrawn allowing him to stay on for a few days.

Texting someone for three days when you are broken hearted isn't harassment in my view

Then you'd be wrong. And he was texting and calling.

Are people just supposed to get over a three year relationship in five minutes and have "self respect" so they aren't accused of harassing an ex they've tried to contact for three days?

Yes. When a relationship is over it's over and continually contacting someone against their wishes is harrassment. We all know break ups are painful but they shouldn't be used as an excuse for poor behaviour. Time frames are beside the point, he should have stopped as soon as she told him to.

BTW I haven't picked him and the OP apart or call him a cocklodger.

Over a 15 month period between 2018 and 2019 I had unwanted packages sent to my home. I had multiple hate accounts on twitter dedicated to me. I was doxxed hundreds of times. I was reported to the dwp for benefit fraud I wasn't committing.

There were threats to come and find and harm me. One tweet threatening to maim me.

Photos of my house went on twitter. I had police sent to my door to harass me.

I know exactly what harassment is. I have lived through it to the point my life was almost ruined. If the OPs gf went to police and asked if that was harassment - they would show her the door. Because it took 7 attempts for police to do something to help me - even when photos of my home were going on social media -they couldn't have cared less

The OP said in her first post that the gf dumped him out of the blue and then went off to get ready for a party

They also had communication at some point clearly because he said he would buy a ring and she said no

She could also have blocked him sooner. If someone is phoning you and you don't want to talk to them - block them

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 11:09

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/12/2025 11:02

But it was enough for her to block him. That’s all we need to know.

I think it interesting that his mum has tried to paint him in a good light and still the vast majority of us think he’s behaved poorly.

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She could have blocked him sooner. None of us know what the dynamic of their relationship was. The OPs mum said he adored her. I think she knows better than people on here whether he cared for his gf or not than a bunch of people on here - myself included

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/12/2025 11:15

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 11:09

She could have blocked him sooner. None of us know what the dynamic of their relationship was. The OPs mum said he adored her. I think she knows better than people on here whether he cared for his gf or not than a bunch of people on here - myself included

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So because ‘he adored her’ he gets to harass her?

It doesn’t matter if he adored her or not. She ended the relationship, which is her right. If she doesn’t want him to call and text her repeatedly (which is what we’ve been told he did) then she did the right thing by blocking him. His adoration is irrelevant.

Lots of us know of men who ‘adored’ their partners so much they ended up doing unspeakable things.

Mothership4two · 19/12/2025 11:27

With all due respect @Rhubarb24 this thread isn't about you.

The OP said in her first post that the gf dumped him out of the blue and then went off to get ready for a party

So? And that's the OP's take as though she ended it and marched out the door without a backward glance which probably isn't what happened. And I wonder how "out of the blue" it actually was? What was she supposed to do, cancel a social event to have an awkward evening with him?

They also had communication at some point clearly because he said he would buy a ring and she said no

Yes obviously she didn't block him immediately until he overstepped - that's reasonable - presumably she was open to them being in some form of contact as she said he could stay on for a few days? Not sure what your point is?

She could also have blocked him sooner. If someone is phoning you and you don't want to talk to them - block them

Are you blaming her for his behaviour? She wasn't expecting to have to block him but once he kept ringing and texting it got to a point where she had had enough and she had to. If she had had a crystal ball I'm sure she would have blocked him at the start.

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 11:29

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/12/2025 11:15

So because ‘he adored her’ he gets to harass her?

It doesn’t matter if he adored her or not. She ended the relationship, which is her right. If she doesn’t want him to call and text her repeatedly (which is what we’ve been told he did) then she did the right thing by blocking him. His adoration is irrelevant.

Lots of us know of men who ‘adored’ their partners so much they ended up doing unspeakable things.

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I'm quite sure you know that wasn't what I said. Please don't put words into my mouth. I was making the point that she dumped him out of the blue and then went off to get ready for a party - after a three year relationship. Obviously he was very upset and people don't always make rational choices when they are upset

By the way. You don't need to school me on what domestic violence is. I grew up in the time when battering your wife was just a domestic..

My mum still has scars on her face where my stepfather took his elbow off her face and split her lip and refused to allow her to go to hospital and she's very lucky to be alive because my stepfather tried to kill her and my brother - I'll say no more than that

There's no suggestion that this man has been violent to her or that she's at risk because his mum said he adored her

I honestly can't be bothered debating the "what ifs".

Are we all just supposed to sit and post that he's a terrible awful person because he reacted the wrong way to being dumped out of the blue?

Men who abuse women don't do so because they adore them. They do it because they hate them. My stepfather certainly did not adore my mum - his behaviour bore that out

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 11:37

Mothership4two · 19/12/2025 11:27

With all due respect @Rhubarb24 this thread isn't about you.

The OP said in her first post that the gf dumped him out of the blue and then went off to get ready for a party

So? And that's the OP's take as though she ended it and marched out the door without a backward glance which probably isn't what happened. And I wonder how "out of the blue" it actually was? What was she supposed to do, cancel a social event to have an awkward evening with him?

They also had communication at some point clearly because he said he would buy a ring and she said no

Yes obviously she didn't block him immediately until he overstepped - that's reasonable - presumably she was open to them being in some form of contact as she said he could stay on for a few days? Not sure what your point is?

She could also have blocked him sooner. If someone is phoning you and you don't want to talk to them - block them

Are you blaming her for his behaviour? She wasn't expecting to have to block him but once he kept ringing and texting it got to a point where she had had enough and she had to. If she had had a crystal ball I'm sure she would have blocked him at the start.

I never said it was about me. I just don't agree with you that his behaviour was harassment. We don't know all the ins and outs of what went wrong or what was said in the conversations.

Now you are surmising how out of the blue it was - and the OPs take on it probably isn't what happened? Why would you say that? Why do people always have to react to threads with what they think happened?

No. I'm not blaming her for his behaviour. I'm simply saying she could have blocked him sooner if his behaviour was upsetting her

BTW you've tagged the wrong person in. My username isn't rhubarb24

MrsChristmasHasResigned · 19/12/2025 11:44

How did it come out of the blue when he knew they’d had the conversation a few months before? I don’t think the son is necessarily a bad person, but he wouldn’t be the first man to be completely dismissive of other people’s feelings and to expect whatever he wants to be what should happen. Hopefully next time he’s in a relationship, he will do better.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 19/12/2025 11:45

It is harassment, though. I went to the police because after I'd blocked someone, he then started to send stuff to my work. The police told me I should have gone to them sooner, when it was 'just' messaging.

Rhubarb24 · 19/12/2025 11:51

Mothership4two · 19/12/2025 11:27

With all due respect @Rhubarb24 this thread isn't about you.

The OP said in her first post that the gf dumped him out of the blue and then went off to get ready for a party

So? And that's the OP's take as though she ended it and marched out the door without a backward glance which probably isn't what happened. And I wonder how "out of the blue" it actually was? What was she supposed to do, cancel a social event to have an awkward evening with him?

They also had communication at some point clearly because he said he would buy a ring and she said no

Yes obviously she didn't block him immediately until he overstepped - that's reasonable - presumably she was open to them being in some form of contact as she said he could stay on for a few days? Not sure what your point is?

She could also have blocked him sooner. If someone is phoning you and you don't want to talk to them - block them

Are you blaming her for his behaviour? She wasn't expecting to have to block him but once he kept ringing and texting it got to a point where she had had enough and she had to. If she had had a crystal ball I'm sure she would have blocked him at the start.

Was this for me or @Roobarbtwo ? (Because I agree with you!)

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 11:52

Rhubarb24 · 19/12/2025 11:51

Was this for me or @Roobarbtwo ? (Because I agree with you!)

Edited

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It was for me I think

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/12/2025 11:53

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 11:29

I'm quite sure you know that wasn't what I said. Please don't put words into my mouth. I was making the point that she dumped him out of the blue and then went off to get ready for a party - after a three year relationship. Obviously he was very upset and people don't always make rational choices when they are upset

By the way. You don't need to school me on what domestic violence is. I grew up in the time when battering your wife was just a domestic..

My mum still has scars on her face where my stepfather took his elbow off her face and split her lip and refused to allow her to go to hospital and she's very lucky to be alive because my stepfather tried to kill her and my brother - I'll say no more than that

There's no suggestion that this man has been violent to her or that she's at risk because his mum said he adored her

I honestly can't be bothered debating the "what ifs".

Are we all just supposed to sit and post that he's a terrible awful person because he reacted the wrong way to being dumped out of the blue?

Men who abuse women don't do so because they adore them. They do it because they hate them. My stepfather certainly did not adore my mum - his behaviour bore that out

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A lots of your posts sound like you’re blaming her for his behaviour.

And you don’t need to school me about domestic violence and men who ‘adore’ their partners but can’t cope when the relationship ends.
My mum was killed by her partner. Just because she ended the relationship. Guess what he did in the days leading up to killing her? Bombarded her with calls and texts saying how much he loved her.

I’m not saying this is how this situation would end BUT men need to understand how their behaviour can make women feel and how we all know that the end of a relationship is when women are most vulnerable to harassment and violence. Incessant texts and calls is NOT good behaviour and needs to be called out. Blocking him was the right thing to do.
It doesn’t matter what happened before or how she behaved post break up. As soon as his behaviour made her feel uncomfortable she acted and we should be applauding that, not blaming her for his behaviour.

It’s not a race to the bottom. Just because you have experienced worse than the woman in question doesn’t make his behaviour acceptable.

Silverbirchleaf · 19/12/2025 12:04

“ As soon as his behaviour made her feel uncomfortable she acted and we should be applauding that, not blaming her for his behaviour.”

I agree with this. Remember, she was willing for him to stay in her flat when she was away. So she wasn’t the ogre. She only blocked him when his behaviour became intolerable.

Mothership4two · 19/12/2025 12:13

@rhubarbtwo

I never said it was about me. I just don't agree with you that his behaviour was harassment

Well in the UK it is as it's unwanted, uninvited and unwelcome contact that occurs on more than one occasion

Now you are surmising how out of the blue it was - and the OPs take on it probably isn't what happened? Why would you say that?

Well OP wasn't there and she isn't exactly impartial. She initially comtemplated contacting the exGF to "talk some sense into her" so I speculated that her version is coloured by her being too involved. I was just wondering whether the signs were there after the exGF's attempt to discuss their future was rebuffed and the son either ignored them or didn't pick up on them (or hasn't communicated that to his mother).

I'm simply saying she could have blocked him sooner if his behaviour was upsetting her

Well we'll never know her reasoning will we? But she shouldn't have had to block him in the first place.

Mothership4two · 19/12/2025 12:16

Sorry @Rhubarb24 !

Stupidly wasn't expecting two rhubarbs on here and just typed it in

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 12:18

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/12/2025 11:53

A lots of your posts sound like you’re blaming her for his behaviour.

And you don’t need to school me about domestic violence and men who ‘adore’ their partners but can’t cope when the relationship ends.
My mum was killed by her partner. Just because she ended the relationship. Guess what he did in the days leading up to killing her? Bombarded her with calls and texts saying how much he loved her.

I’m not saying this is how this situation would end BUT men need to understand how their behaviour can make women feel and how we all know that the end of a relationship is when women are most vulnerable to harassment and violence. Incessant texts and calls is NOT good behaviour and needs to be called out. Blocking him was the right thing to do.
It doesn’t matter what happened before or how she behaved post break up. As soon as his behaviour made her feel uncomfortable she acted and we should be applauding that, not blaming her for his behaviour.

It’s not a race to the bottom. Just because you have experienced worse than the woman in question doesn’t make his behaviour acceptable.

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I'm genuinely sorry for your loss. But the post you made to me gave no back story - and that's your right not to post it if you don't want to. But as I said earlier there's been no suggestion that this man has ever been violent or would ever be. Just because the OP said her son adored him

I'm not blaming her for anything. It was her choice to end the relationship and that's completely up to her.

But there's been a lot said on here about him that I think is completely unjustified. Comments calling him a cock lodger. Saying that he must have done something inappropriate in person. Proposing at the Christmas night out

This man could have been very upset at the relationship ending and simply wanted to try again. It surely doesn't need to mean the worse case scenario every single time

I've been in a situation where I was dumped completely out of the blue after a year and a half. I didn't contact him. I left him alone - 8 months later he decided he wanted to try again. He wasn't violent, no suggestion of it at any point - but he was pressing me to try again. We eventually did - but even after being in a long relationship with someone after we split again - he was still turning up at my door crying years later - when he dumped me. Twice

People don't always act rationally when a long term relationship ends. Their behaviour can be stupid. Idiotic. It doesn't always mean that it's the worst case scenario and that awful things will happen

And I didn't post what I was posting because of a race to the bottom. I was simply trying to say that even in cases where someone is being seriously harassed - police won't care and won't do a thing about it

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 12:23

Mothership4two · 19/12/2025 12:13

@rhubarbtwo

I never said it was about me. I just don't agree with you that his behaviour was harassment

Well in the UK it is as it's unwanted, uninvited and unwelcome contact that occurs on more than one occasion

Now you are surmising how out of the blue it was - and the OPs take on it probably isn't what happened? Why would you say that?

Well OP wasn't there and she isn't exactly impartial. She initially comtemplated contacting the exGF to "talk some sense into her" so I speculated that her version is coloured by her being too involved. I was just wondering whether the signs were there after the exGF's attempt to discuss their future was rebuffed and the son either ignored them or didn't pick up on them (or hasn't communicated that to his mother).

I'm simply saying she could have blocked him sooner if his behaviour was upsetting her

Well we'll never know her reasoning will we? But she shouldn't have had to block him in the first place.

It's actually not, the communication that's sent has to be seen to mean to cause distress and alarm

It's the same for section 39 stalking. Two occasions and the person making the contact knows that the recipient would suffer fear and alarm

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 19/12/2025 12:24

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 12:18

I'm genuinely sorry for your loss. But the post you made to me gave no back story - and that's your right not to post it if you don't want to. But as I said earlier there's been no suggestion that this man has ever been violent or would ever be. Just because the OP said her son adored him

I'm not blaming her for anything. It was her choice to end the relationship and that's completely up to her.

But there's been a lot said on here about him that I think is completely unjustified. Comments calling him a cock lodger. Saying that he must have done something inappropriate in person. Proposing at the Christmas night out

This man could have been very upset at the relationship ending and simply wanted to try again. It surely doesn't need to mean the worse case scenario every single time

I've been in a situation where I was dumped completely out of the blue after a year and a half. I didn't contact him. I left him alone - 8 months later he decided he wanted to try again. He wasn't violent, no suggestion of it at any point - but he was pressing me to try again. We eventually did - but even after being in a long relationship with someone after we split again - he was still turning up at my door crying years later - when he dumped me. Twice

People don't always act rationally when a long term relationship ends. Their behaviour can be stupid. Idiotic. It doesn't always mean that it's the worst case scenario and that awful things will happen

And I didn't post what I was posting because of a race to the bottom. I was simply trying to say that even in cases where someone is being seriously harassed - police won't care and won't do a thing about it

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Thank you.

You're right people don’t always behave rationally but that isn’t an excuse. That’s probably why she’s blocked him. He deserves that and it’s the right thing to do.
I’m not saying all situations will end up in the worst case scenario but that again shouldn’t be used as an excuse. If he’s contacting her to the point where she feels it’s too much then he’s crossed a line.

His feelings around being dumped are irrelevant here. Harassment is never okay.

CaptainMyCaptain · 19/12/2025 12:28

Why do people keep saying they'd lived together for three years. They'd been dating three years we don't know how long they'd lived together.

The bottom line is that she entitled to leave the relationship any time she wants and doesn't have to explain it. We only know what the OP has told us and that is presumably what he told her. I'll bet the gf could tell us a lot more. If its not working for her for any reason she can end it. There are no formal ties because he didn't want any.

anytipswelcome · 19/12/2025 12:31

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 12:23

It's actually not, the communication that's sent has to be seen to mean to cause distress and alarm

It's the same for section 39 stalking. Two occasions and the person making the contact knows that the recipient would suffer fear and alarm

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That’s not correct. I think you’ve misunderstood the wording around those laws.

Repeated messaging that causes distress, alarm, or fear can qualify even if the sender thinks it is flattering or harmless. It’s not about what the sender means to make the recipient feel.

My stalker thought they were being romantic by sending novels of undying love to me despite me asking them to stop. They thought it would win me over if they kept trying. Needless to say that wasn’t the case. They thought they loved me and we were meant to be together. I was terrified and they were prosecuted and found guilty, and a restraining order was granted.

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 12:40

If this woman is feeling fear and alarm then she has every right to go to police and try and get him charged under section 39. I just think it's too easy to apply the word harassment to any given situation when none of us know what was said in the texts or in the phone calls - a three year relationship ends out of the blue -and then she immediately goes off on holiday.

I think many people in that scenario would try and make contact to talk things out - but if he texts more than once he's a harasser? Not just someone desperately upset. It could be one or the other - we don't know. That's the point.

As I said. People don't always behave rationally when they are heartbroken. My relative certainly found that out

The OP posted for opinions and she's not been back on. She's had to see people describe her son as a cock lodger and of having done inappropriate things other than has been described by her on here

None of us know the full story of what happened and what their relationship was like. Or anything about whether the OPs son has the potential for violence

Too many things get assumed when we don't know the full set of circumstances - on either side

The OP said that he texted and called her begging her for another chance and she found it a bit much.

He wasn't threatening her. There's nothing in that type of communication where someone is sending it trying to cause someone fear and alarm

Mothership4two · 19/12/2025 12:58

@Roobarbtwo

It's actually not, the communication that's sent has to be seen to mean to cause distress and alarm

It's not what he believes or means. It's what “a reasonable person in possession of the same information would think the conduct amounted to harassment.”

Unwanted contact can be harassment if it causes distress and is persistent or intrusive and that includes emotional distress - anxiety, upset or disruption.

However, as the son appears to have stopped now he's blocked, it's not harrassment now, so all this is beside the point.

Although we've no idea how the exGF viewed his constant intrusion. For all we know she may have felt distressed and alarmed but probably was just mightilly peed off at him.

Arran2024 · 19/12/2025 13:05

Roobarbtwo · 19/12/2025 11:08

Over a 15 month period between 2018 and 2019 I had unwanted packages sent to my home. I had multiple hate accounts on twitter dedicated to me. I was doxxed hundreds of times. I was reported to the dwp for benefit fraud I wasn't committing.

There were threats to come and find and harm me. One tweet threatening to maim me.

Photos of my house went on twitter. I had police sent to my door to harass me.

I know exactly what harassment is. I have lived through it to the point my life was almost ruined. If the OPs gf went to police and asked if that was harassment - they would show her the door. Because it took 7 attempts for police to do something to help me - even when photos of my home were going on social media -they couldn't have cared less

The OP said in her first post that the gf dumped him out of the blue and then went off to get ready for a party

They also had communication at some point clearly because he said he would buy a ring and she said no

She could also have blocked him sooner. If someone is phoning you and you don't want to talk to them - block them

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My daughter went to the police two days after she finished with her then boyfriend due to what she was getting from him and they acted immediately by bringing in him in for questioning. The slight problem is that this is what they kept doing over the ensuing months while telling him each time "if you do it again we will arrest you". He kept agreeing he wasn't going to do it again but then......

I do understand that three days worth of texts probably wouldn't result in an arrest, but it should produce an interview at the very least.