Son dumped by gf -update

[OneGreenPoster]

Some posters said I should update with what happened, That thread is now full.
Things have escalated a bit and it looks like he'll have to move a lot sooner.
Not much else to say on the matter.
I didn't think the last thread would get so much interest, thanks for all the advice though

Your son hasn't had enough bluntness in his life, if he thought it was OK to continue to pester this woman after she made it clear she had ended the relationship.

Your husband is the only sensible person in the family. Start paying attention to everything he says now.

Your son isn't heartbroken. He's just not used to people being absolutely blunt with him. His ego is wounded.

He played silly games and got a silly prize.

Don't mollycoddle him or he'll do exactly the same thing with the next woman he gloms onto. Be blunt. He must have royally pissed her off if she has now blocked him.

And yes, she did love him. She loved him enough to put a roof over his head. She lived him enough to want to settle down with him and perhaps have his children. Don't try to soothe him by telling him she didn't love him. The truth is, he thought he'd get away with taking her for granted.

You are in danger of turning this 30 year old son of yours into a sad cliche - a man who sincerely believes its OK to dismiss a partner's valid feelings and play relationships by his rules only is not going to get very far with women these days. Your daughter may have stuck around for five years waiting for her bf to propose, but she is not typical.

You and your son should understand that romantic love between two adults is not unconditional. It’s not in the same league as parental love for your child.

we are looking through the prism of a loving and over-involved mother

Yes, and while there's nothing wrong with the "loving", it's the "over involved" which made me wonder if there were any other factors in the GF's decision, @mothership4two

Of course nobody would enjoy seeing their son upset, but the guy isn't 16 ... he's 30 for God's sake, and IME that's a bit beyond the stage when most need mummy to wipe their tears or be quite so invested

I have one son, and if he did something as stupid and behaved with the entitled attitude the OP's son had, I'd be wondering where I had gone so wrong in my parenting.

DS is lucky to have a sympathetic mum and a sensible dad who gives him wise advice. He’s hurting because he made a stupid mistake, so he needs both.

If my now DH had said after three years and living together, that he wasn’t ready to marry me when I’d asked him to set a date — well, he wouldn’t be my H at all.

I hope your DS has learnt this painful lesson. I can’t help thinking he may not have loved her, as he seemed contented for her to provide a home and sex life while he stayed uncommitted.

My DH proposed after six months, and I was so taken by surprise I couldn’t answer for a couple of seconds (which felt like a long time to him). Then I said “Yes of course”, very happily. Really, if your DS was so unenthusiastic, I don’t think any self-respecting woman would have tried to persuade him.

No it's not all about her feelings. NONE of us are saying that.

They have come to a parting of the ways. She has recognised it, sadly, and spoken up. A sensible response on his part would have been to move out without making a fuss. Instead he has run to his parents and complained, his father has counseled him wisely and his mother has talked about 'talking sense to the girl'. Now he has decided to bully the young woman into reconciling. He's even had the audacity to offer to go buy her a ring if that will fix her emotions.
He has got what he wanted - not to marry her.
She has decided this is a dead end relationship for her and acted accordingly.

Women do tend to sign out before they actually break up. She’s probably felt unhappy for a while

You'd be his mother then?
NO ABSOLUTELY SHE SHOULD NOT GIVE HIM HALF THE HER HOUSE.

You’d know better than me if you’re stalking posters’ comments.

Are you the son?

So he wore her down? Nice.

We are never going to agree but I really don't think 3 years is a short time if you are living together so seeing each other every day. Just how long do you need before you know whether they are the right one or not?

So if you do not live together and quite likely do not see each other every day how long would it take? Ten years? Longer?

We didn't get engaged after 5 months. We got married after 5 months. From the first time we met we saw each other every day but did not live together.

I never said everyone who waits years before even getting engaged let alone married ends up divorced but among my friends it has been very common. Maybe coincidence but, as I said, I think often when a couple waits such a long time it is because they are not sure they are with the right person

I have just read through the thread since coming home from work and remember seeing you saying to someone about them making things up. I remember it because it made me laugh.

I'm on the girlfriends side, why would I be the son? 😂

I like you, your trolling/rage baiting is quite funny.

Of course she’s not the son…. He’s too busy to post!

I really hope this is it for them and that he doesn't persuade her to take him back because it could go on for another three years like this and then another 3. He should leave her alone now and allow her to get on with it. Let's hope that his father has talked some sense into him.

I haven't read the full thread, but has it already been mentioned that she's most likely met someone else? It seems obvious to me that's what's happened here.

Yes, it has been speculated that the girlfriend had her head turned and has been inching towards the door for a while, but either she did not communicate her feelings well enough or the son had his head up his bum the whole time.

My hubbie took 9 years to propose, we have been happily married for 13 years now. It was tough sitting it out but we brought a house together pre proposal so I knew he was pretty committed. Waiting it out is not for everyone, his Dad had been re married 3 times so he was reluctant for us to get married.

😂

Yeah she's totally fallen for some other guy, head totally turned! That's why she asked her live in BF of three years if he'd sit down and discuss getting married and building a future together.

It's obvious if you think about it, completely logical and not a total reach in order to paint the woman as somehow in the wrong at all... oh wait 😂😂😂

Yes, we can create all sorts of scenarios subconsciously to justify a break-up when it's really about something deeper. Your son did not handle that conversation well a months ago, but if she was really feeling it and really into sharing a life with him, I really don't think it would be a simple "Bye Bye Then!" within the space of a few months. I think the break-up had very little to do with the proposal itself. Break-ups can be so so tough. Nothing for it, only the healing passage of time and as much distraction as possible.

Why would she be "in the wrong" if her head was indeed turned? She's 27, it's not unusual.

Why is it obvious?

It's a bizarre interpretation of the events that OP outlined.

GF wants to know if it's a serious long term relationship that will lead to marriage.
BF (OP's DS) blows her off, wont discuss it, won't commit and calls her silly.
GF waits 3 months and then decides the relationship is going nowhere and calls time.
BF panics and suddenly wants to buy a "shut her up" ring
GF no longer sees a future with 30 year old man who is keen to live at her home but not to commit to the relationship. So the relationship is dead
GF is initially kind, is happy for him to take some weeks (unlikely scenario if she has someone else) but then BF starts harassing/pestering her on her girls' holiday to a Christmas market. So asks him to move out ASAP
BF wants to drag feet and not move out.

They were clearly not on the same page - she wanted to discuss the future while he didn't want to commit. Clearly it was the right thing to break up if he wasn't even prepared to have a discussion.

It seems obvious to me because she's a 27 year old who has been with him just 3 years who first raised this topic for discussion with him a few short months ago. You'd hardly describe that as a crisis point?

Where is it obvious she has met somebody else? And where does it say she first raised the topic a few months ago?

(As you say you have not read the thread - I read this one and the original and it sounds like you are making stuff up. What I read was a young woman who wanted firm commitment on where the relationship was headed after 3 years. He shot down the discussion so she mulled it over and decided she did not want to remain in a relationship with no clarity over the future after 3 whole years