Page 28 | Son dumped by gf -update

OneGreenPoster · 2025-12-16T17:06:45+00:00

Some posters said I should update with what happened, That thread is now full. Things have escalated a bit and it looks like he'll have to move a lot sooner. Not much else to say on the matter. I didn't think the last thread would get so much interest, thanks for all the advice though

GrooveArmada · 17/12/2025 17:28

Caught up on your first thread.

I actually can't believe you said: "Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years"

I met DH when I was similar age to her. Many of my friends met their husbands few years later. What are you getting at, OP?

I would also say if she decided to end the relationship, there's a reason for it. You automatically assume your amazing son has nothing to do with it and he's a victim here, but relationships don't tend to end as a result of one person's actions only. I am absolutely baffled you considered getting involved a 30yo (!) man's relationship.

BettysRoasties · 17/12/2025 17:29

One could say he was trying to ruin her preplanned trip away. Surely his begging could have waited till she was back. Given them both space…

Nothing like a moaning ex or current to ruin a trip.

Mumofteenandtween · 17/12/2025 17:33

She wanted a man who wanted to marry her. A man who was excited to marry her. She did not want a man who was willing to marry her when he realised that not marrying her would lead to unpleasant consequences.

Therefore he is not for her and so she is right to leave him even when he realised his mistake.

steff13 · 17/12/2025 17:38

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 16:48

He didn’t really, but that’s what you’re supposed to do, isn’t it, if your partner says they’re leaving, you ask them to stay and reconsider, tell them that they’re wanted. That is what she wanted previously, wasn’t it, to be cherished and loved and appreciated and married.

I actually agree with this. He didn't want to marry her, despite trying to lead her to believe that he did.

If he had wanted to marry her, the timeline conversation would have gone differently. A man who plans to marry you does just that - he plans. If he had actually wanted to marry her, he would have already thought about it and would have an idea of when he wanted to get married. Maybe he doesn't want to get married until he's 35. Or until he has more money saved. Or until he has a better career. Or until he has climbed Mount Everest. Regardless, he could have articulated that to her, but he didn't. That tells me he didn't really intend to marry her.

Which is fine, you don't have to want to get married. But you also can't expect someone who does want to get married to wait on you forever. They're both better off this way.

Cornishwafer · 17/12/2025 17:58

OP you dont have any proof that the relationship ended purely because of the marriage issue...that's is just what your grown adult son is telling you....id hope a grown arse man wouldn't discuss every element of his private relationship with his mummy...maybe it was just one of a number of reasons why the GF wanted to end it.

Wouldn't you find it bizarre and cringe-worthy if the GF's parents had called your son and told him to stop being so silly and get on with proposing?

InterIgnis · 17/12/2025 17:59

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 16:48

He didn’t really, but that’s what you’re supposed to do, isn’t it, if your partner says they’re leaving, you ask them to stay and reconsider, tell them that they’re wanted. That is what she wanted previously, wasn’t it, to be cherished and loved and appreciated and married.

And maybe when she was five she wanted to be an astronaut, but presumably that doesn’t apply now either.

It doesn’t matter what she did or didn’t want previously. What she wants now is for him to accept the relationship was over, and sort himself out new accommodation. That is what he needs to pay attention to.

DecisionTime123 · 17/12/2025 17:59

Does anyone think the OP is still reading? Or cares?

BruFord · 17/12/2025 18:00

Mumofteenandtween · 17/12/2025 17:33

She wanted a man who wanted to marry her. A man who was excited to marry her. She did not want a man who was willing to marry her when he realised that not marrying her would lead to unpleasant consequences.

Therefore he is not for her and so she is right to leave him even when he realised his mistake.

Exactly @Mumofteenandtween Both DH and I were excited at the prospect of marrying each other when we first discussed it, there was no hesitation.

I wouldn’t want my children ( DD and DS) to marry someone who wasn’t delighted at the prospect either. Sometimes people just want different things and it’s best to recognize that and move on as the gf has in this instance.

Isekaied · 17/12/2025 18:09

Trendyname · 17/12/2025 14:26

I agree with the poster above you. She wanted to marry him 3 months ago and now feels so cold to block him.

She seems like one of those fiercely practical people with low level of emotional attachment that she blocked him. It seems like she wants to get married by certain age and as OP’s son didn’t propose or provide any timeline for proposal.

OP’s son didn’t handle well the conversation about tentative time line, but I don’t think he deserves this level of coldness. To not allow a conversation shows that there wasn’t real attachment in the relationship from her side.

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Nah

We haven't heard her side.

We don't know how many nights she has spent crying or agonising over this decision. Don't know how many hints age has used or how often she has tried to have this conversation.

We don't know if she's an emotional wreck on her holiday or not.

All we have is Ops side which is filtered through her son.

Isekaied · 17/12/2025 18:15

Silverbirchleaf · 17/12/2025 15:08

She blocked him because he was harassing her.

You’re also assuming she’s not upset. She’s probably devastated as well, and grieving the future she once thought she had. Yes, she is away on holiday with friends, but that doesn’t mean she’s not upset.

Wonder the advice for her would if she started her own thread. ‘… My boyfriend and have have been together for three years and he lives with me in my flat. I tried to have a serious conversation about whether we plan to get married etc, and he replied about that talking about timelines are silly. Am I being taken for a ride? We’re in our late twenties/early thirties’

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LTB

Tuesdayschild50 · 17/12/2025 18:31

I don't think she loved him as hurtful as it is to see your son hurting .
He will be ok as time goes on.
I have 2 sons I'd be the same if they were hurt ... men can be harsh sometimes (dad)x

user1473878824 · 17/12/2025 18:57

Went and read the original thread:
”Starting again at 27 is risky she may now meet anyone for a few years”

She’s dodged a bullet not having to have you in her life.

steff13 · 17/12/2025 19:07

Tuesdayschild50 · 17/12/2025 18:31

I don't think she loved him as hurtful as it is to see your son hurting .
He will be ok as time goes on.
I have 2 sons I'd be the same if they were hurt ... men can be harsh sometimes (dad)x

She didn't love him because she didn't want to stay with someone who refused to have an adult discussion about their future? But the person who refused to have the conversation was totally in love, is that right?

Aplycrumbly · 17/12/2025 19:19

Cornishwafer · 17/12/2025 17:58

OP you dont have any proof that the relationship ended purely because of the marriage issue...that's is just what your grown adult son is telling you....id hope a grown arse man wouldn't discuss every element of his private relationship with his mummy...maybe it was just one of a number of reasons why the GF wanted to end it.

Wouldn't you find it bizarre and cringe-worthy if the GF's parents had called your son and told him to stop being so silly and get on with proposing?

I agree , I wouldn’t be surprised if after they had the marriage conversation he started getting too cocky and his treatment of her got worse.

I’ve had that when I’ve had the conversation with men about moving to the next level, and they said they’re not there yet. It’s like they’ve suddenly thought oh she’s really into me - I can have fun with this and their effort has dropped since they think I’m hooked.

But it’s always backfired because I’ve just walked away as that attitude is such a turn off.

Mothership4two · 17/12/2025 19:26

@Anuta77

You sound very bitter, it's not this man, it's op's son and just telling a woman that he doesn't want to follow silly timelines isn't a reason for breakup and blocking. Op's son will do better and the ex will wait much longer for a marriage proposal from whoever she's seeing.

Everyone is somebody's son or daughter even the ones who make questionable decisions. Having your partner dismiss your questions about his intentions and to not want to clearly discuss your future together, even though you do, is absolutely a reason to break up - she may have realised or assumed that it's never going to happen or that he isn't as keen on her as she thought. However OP has no idea if that is the only reason for the break up. She didn't block him until he overstepped and begged her to stay, in fact she initially allowed him to stay for a bit which was pretty decent of her - until he blew it. You have absolutely no idea if the son will do better or the exGF will wait much longer for a marriage proposal as we are looking through the prism of a loving and over-involved mother.

TheIceBear · 17/12/2025 19:27

mydogisthebest · 17/12/2025 14:03

Of course not everyone is the same but, honestly, surely you should know after THREE years and at least some of that time living together, how you feel about each other? It's pretty strange not to.

If they were 18 and 19 I could understand it although I have known several couples of that age not take forever to get engaged and then married

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I dunno I mean to me 3 years is a short time in a relationship that’s my point. To some people it’s not and that’s fine. Not everyone gets engaged after 5 months and has a perfect relationship like you. And not everyone who waits ten years gets divorced. Your anecdotes are pointless .

Tigerbalmshark · 17/12/2025 19:36

Bungle2168 · 17/12/2025 00:24

@InterIgnis ”On the contrary, she seems very straightforward. She tried to communicate with him and got shut down, and now she’s done.”

You are wrong about her being straightforward, 💯. She blindsided him with the news of their separation!

A straightforward person would have told the boyfriend that she was unhappy with his response to her questions concerning marriage, and that she was reevaluating their relationship as a result. At the time of said discussion.

Having a discussion, brooding over it for weeks, then presenting her decision as a fait accompli is not the behaviour of someone who is down to Earth. In fact, it hints at vindictiveness and a desire to punish the son.

For the record, I do not think the son has acquitted himself well, either.

Edited

If OP’s DS needs it spelling out in words of one syllable that laughing at your partner discussing marriage, calling them stupid and dismissing them are hurtful, he is too emotionally illiterate to be in a relationship.

BruFord · 17/12/2025 19:39

@TheIceBear We all have different life experiences. I’m thinking of my married friends and most were engaged within three years of meeting- unless they met particularly young or it was a second marriage and they had children to consider.

Other couples live together and I doubt that they’ll get married.

Nevernonono · 17/12/2025 19:49

Tuesdayschild50 · 17/12/2025 18:31

I don't think she loved him as hurtful as it is to see your son hurting .
He will be ok as time goes on.
I have 2 sons I'd be the same if they were hurt ... men can be harsh sometimes (dad)x

So why do you think she asked about marriage?

If she didn’t love him?

She did love him, but realised he didn’t feel the same, he was living in her place, wouldn’t commit and wouldn’t even have a conversation with out demeaning her as “silly”, a complete cocklodger!

CranberryCandyCane · 17/12/2025 19:53

OneGreenPoster · 16/12/2025 21:31

He is a brilliant dad, but he is very blunt at times.
Telling your son "you should've got your arse into gear if you wanted her that much" Isn't great when he's newly heartbroken
I think he needs some sympathy.

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Maybe a bit of tough love will prevent him from making the same mistake again though…

Mothership4two · 17/12/2025 19:54

We were together for 13 years before we married @TheIceBear and have been together 27 years. Out of our divorced friends some had shorter premarriages than others and I can't really see a pattern. I asked AI and got this answer: "Marriages resulting from longer courtships generally have a better chance of lasting than those with very short courtships. Research consistently indicates that a longer dating period is associated with higher marital satisfaction and a lower likelihood of divorce" (I know it's not the absolute Oracle!)

steff13 · 17/12/2025 20:05

TheIceBear · 17/12/2025 19:27

I dunno I mean to me 3 years is a short time in a relationship that’s my point. To some people it’s not and that’s fine. Not everyone gets engaged after 5 months and has a perfect relationship like you. And not everyone who waits ten years gets divorced. Your anecdotes are pointless .

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She wasn't demanding to get married immediately. She asked him if he wanted to marry her, and he said "of course." Whether it was 2 years or 72 years, it doesn't matter. If he was unsure he should have said so.

ForeverPombear · 17/12/2025 20:05

Saladbrains · 17/12/2025 16:48

He didn’t really, but that’s what you’re supposed to do, isn’t it, if your partner says they’re leaving, you ask them to stay and reconsider, tell them that they’re wanted. That is what she wanted previously, wasn’t it, to be cherished and loved and appreciated and married.

Didn't you have a go at another poster for 'making things up' and you've come out with this?

EvilParsnip · 17/12/2025 20:22

It's very sad that all this has happened as it has, but your son needs to take it as a salutory lesson.

MrsChristmasHasResigned · 17/12/2025 20:29

Isekaied · 17/12/2025 18:09

Nah

We haven't heard her side.

We don't know how many nights she has spent crying or agonising over this decision. Don't know how many hints age has used or how often she has tried to have this conversation.

We don't know if she's an emotional wreck on her holiday or not.

All we have is Ops side which is filtered through her son.

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And even then he does not come out well, does he?! 30 with seemingly no assets, clueless enough not to initiate a discussion about the future after 3 years together during the period where marriage and starting a family is often a focus for people, and then disrespectful enough to his partner to bombard her with messages. That he has a mother who seriously contemplated getting involved on behalf of her precious man baby is the cherry on top of a very unappetizing cake. Good luck to the partner - she deserves much better.